The Entomology Conference
by charlibubble
Summary: Nick spent a week in Hawaii learning to become the new 'bug man' an unexpected turn of events brings an old friend to the Island and puts them all in serious danger - GSR Honeymoon Nick/OC
1. Chapter 1

Nick stepped off the plane and took a deep breath.

The air was fresh and clean, not like the stale pollution filled air in Vegas. As he stepped through the arrivals lounge he was greeted by two beautiful women dressed head to toe in traditional costume and handing out Lei to the passing masses. They were very persistent too, when he had tried to refuse they had almost chased him along the lounge to adorn him with their flowers. He nodded and smiled before slipping them off when he was sure he was out of their view.

He wasn't there as a tourist unfortunately, he had work to do.

An over eager young man waved his sign about outside looking for his passengers and Nick sighed as he approached him and was greeted by a wide smile and a clutching at his bags. He took his seat on the shuttle bus and looked around at his fellow passengers. He would be spending all week with these people the least he could do was try and suss them out before he committed to any mixers or parties.

On the way to their hotel Nick mostly looked out of the window. There were two very obvious cliques forming already. The older more knowledgeable group who were there to expand their knowledge and broaden their horizons and the young eager professionals who were attempting to progress their careers. Nick didn't fit into either of those categories and although he mixed well with many different people he felt a little anti-social on this trip and decided he would try and use his spare time to relax. Their hotel was miniscule compared to Vegas standards but it was freshly decorated and the balconies opened out onto the refreshing sea air and the gentle fragrance of the exotic flowers in the trees.

The first meeting was scheduled at 4pm which gave Nick just under an hour to get himself freshened up and changed before he headed down.

He kneeled down and opened his suitcase only to be awestruck by the contents. He lifted up a tiny bikini and then a floaty blue dress and sighed.

This wasn't his suitcase.

You'd think that a CSI who is trained in observation techniques and recognition would be able to pick up the right bag from the airport. He checked the tag 'Carey Lewis. Manele Bay hotel, Hawaii' well that was a bonus, this Carey character was staying at the same hotel. He wondered how unlikely it would be for her to also be a little unobservant on her holidays and have taken his case back to the hotel instead of hers.

As he approached the reception he could hear someone arguing with the security team. She was clearly running rings around them as she sparked off little comments and questions about policies and procedures confusing them completely and rendering them helpless**. **

Nick liked this girl already, she wasn't too bad to look at either.

He didn't remember seeing her on the shuttle. Her dark hair hung loose over her shoulders and her eyes shone as she spoke to the staff, clearly enjoying their confusion. She was dressed quite simply in jeans and a vest, which is probably why she wanted her case back.

There was a strict dress code at the conference, they probably wouldn't let her in dressed like that.

Nick always thought it was a very pointless tradition to have to wear shirt and tie to a conference about bugs, especially one in a place like Hawaii.

He was already suffering with the humidity.

"I don't actually need to know which room he is in, if its 'strictly' classified information. All I need to do is leave this case for him and allow you to return it to him, then you can hopefully return mine at the same time."

The concierge looked completely confused by what she had just said and she rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to start again when Nick interjected.

"I think I can help with that"

Carey whipped around to come face to face with Nick. He smiled at her and she was almost stunned into silence.

It was unusual to find someone around her age at one of these conference's especially someone so undeniably attractive. The thought of spending an entire week pretending to be interested in bugs and mixing with a bunch of post-adolescent geeks and elderly has been's made her stomach turn, she'd much rather be up to her elbows in digestive tract. She was caught completely off guard and as he held out his hand and spoke to her in his slow Texan drawl she could have sworn she actually went weak in the knees.

"My name is Nick Stokes; I believe this belongs to you"

He handed her a suitcase almost identical to the one she was holding and she internally told herself to snap out of it. She was a professional and she was there for a conference not to be flirting with the other guests. They exchanged cases and she smiled at him.

"Your CSI right?" he nodded his agreement "you'd think you'd be able to recognise your own case then"

He laughed at her teasing, knowing he had thought the same thing himself.

"I could say the same to you" he said.

She eyed him suspiciously

"Your itinerary for the conference gave you away, it's only open to post grads and professionals and it was addressed to your crime lab"

She nodded "I'm impressed! But you still took the wrong case and I'm not CSI. I waited at the airport for almost an hour and missed the shuttle bus. And what makes you think I'm not a post grad anyway?"

She wasn't sure whether she should be offended or embarrassed he had gone through her case. She pictured him holding up her underwear and found herself blushing a little, she had obviously looked in his case too but it wasn't nearly as embarrassing as hers.

"I'm sorry, I guess I was a little distracted" he smiled at her apologetically "let me take you to dinner later to apologise"

Her mind raced as she tried to think up a valid reason why she shouldn't go. It was a purely platonic apology meal after all. What's the worst that could happen?

"It's a date"

She said immediately kicking herself for referring to it as a date.

"Well we can head out after the conference intro then, see you at 4"

He turned and left with his case and she smiled at his retreating form, maybe this conference wouldn't be so bad after all. He turned before he disappeared causing her to blush a bright shade of red at being caught gazing after him.

"you're not … a post Grad are you?"

She held up her hands and smiled

"All Legal Mr Stokes, Assistant Coroner. I'm all about the glamour!"

He nodded as he walked away, well aware of her eyes still on him. Maybe he would mingle just a little, it would be rude not to.


	2. Chapter 2

Nick paid more attention than was generally necessary to his attire for the afternoon's conference. Meeting an attractive young woman had certainly not been on his agenda but it would definatley make his week more bearable.

He had waited a long time for this conference but the people they seemed to attract were not the easiest to get along with, especially if you were still interested in having fun. He checked himself in the mirror once more before heading out of the door and towards the elevator. There were 3 older men standing inside discussing the conference in their stuffy, straight edged voices. They looked Nick up and down as he took his position in the centre, nervously adjusting his tie.

They stepped out of the lift together but they quickly dispersed in their separate directions and Nick cautiously surveyed the mass of people arranged in the conference room. The room was a collection of Navy and Beige suits, he felt a little out of place in his black suit. Like he was headed to a funeral and he had to walk through a wedding first.

There were several small groups arranged around the room, chattering between themselves and laughing loud over exaggerated laughs. A few people milled around, attempting to find somewhere to blend into one of the groups so as not to appear as an outcast and there were the few people quite happy to prop up the bar on their own or circle the buffet table. He swallowed and pulled at his tie again as he nervously made his way into the room. He spotted the man who was hosting the conference and approached him brightly to introduce himself.

"nice to meet you sir, my name is Nick Stokes. I've been looking forward to this conference"

The elder man surveyed Nick with some interest, looking him up and down before speaking slowly.

"Las Vegas CSI am I correct?"

Nick was a little stunned at this statement, he hadn't expected that the great Lee Gough would know who he was.

"yes sir, that's me"

Lee nodded "I am fortunate to call your old supervisor a friend of mine, I believe Dr Grissom has now retired?"

Nick smiled at the mere mention of Grissom's name, he was the inspiration behind most of his life's philosophy and the reason he had been so keen to take this conference.

"yes sir, he's in Costa Rica last I heard and doing well. He recently married actually…"

"well I hope that you will pass on my best regards"

With that the man turned his back to Nick and proceeded to speak with a large group of college students who were hanging on his every word. Nick stared at his back for a few moments, both stunned that he had spoken with Mr Gough and offended that he had ended the conversation so abruptly.

"Entomologist's aren't best known for their flair in social situations, Mr Stokes"

Her voice behind him sent a shiver down his spine, she had to be the only woman there so she certainly turned a few heads but she had headed straight for him as she entered the conference room.

he turned around and came face to face with a completely different woman than the one he had met earlier that day. Her hair was curled softly around her face and she wore a long flowing dress which hugged her hips and skimmed her long legs as she moved. The plunging neckline gave him a glorious view of what were clearly her best assets and he enjoyed it immensely before she eyed him suspiciously and smiled.

"and neither are CSI's apparently" she laughed at him playfully pushing his arm.

"I'm sorry" he was blushing profusely now "I didn't expect … uh … you …. To…"

Now it was her turn to blush and for the life of her she couldn't think of a witty comment or comeback to what he said.

"so what was Mr Social skills there saying to you?" she said changing the subject quickly

"he knows my old supervisor, he was just asking me about him. I'm surprised he knew who I was actually"

"ah but your nowhere near as mysterious as you think you are, especially in places like this"

he frowned at her statement and she gestured to the only other woman in the room. a small weedy woman sitting in the corner taking notes as fast as her hand could move as she watched the people. She looked positively panicked and her eyes darted back and forth.

"that's his PA. she researches everyone who comes on these things, finds out all about them then gives him the short version. He knows a lot more than you think, gives him power"

He watched the small woman as she scribbled away, he wondered what she was writing but seeing the group of people surrounding him he doubted there was anything juicy contained in that notebook. Then again he had come to learn over the years that appearances could be deceiving, often the most boring looking people were the most messed up.

He was already bored.

He loved the actual conference part of the conference but the milling around pretending to be interested in each other was by far the worst part of these things. They claimed that it helped build unity and team spirit but if he was honest he never had any intention of contacting these people again.

With the exception possibly of the girl standing in front of him.

she was now chatting to Mr Gough, smiling and laughing as he stroked her arm and told her about his 'wild' times with her boss. He felt a pang of jealousy as he watched them, not that he had any claim over her time or attention..

Eventually she turned her attention back to him. she made small talk with him before leaning towards him to whisper in his ear. As she grasped his arm he could feel electricity flow through his veins awakening his every sense as he felt her soft skin, her gentle breath on his neck and her fragrant perfume. Her hair tickled his jaw and he gently skimmed his hand over her hip.

"lets get out of here"

"it's a date"

he smiled as they left the room together placing his hand on the small of her back as he led her towards the restaurant away from the room full of stuffy professors and wannabe entomologists.

Their meal had been incredibly enjoyable. The conversation and more importantly the wine flowed between them easily. The rest of the hotel could have vanished into the night as they laughed and chatted together about anything and everything. It had been a long time since either of them had had such an enjoyable time and neither of them wanted it to end. Eventually they had to leave the comfort and dim lights of the restaurant and head towards the bustle of the bar. Most of the people gracing the hotel were there on the conference but there were a few people who were there on holiday or possibly honeymoon.

Traditional music filled the air and the bar was lit by multi-coloured lanterns and candles. They recognised a few of their fellow conference attendee's huddled together in a corner speaking loudly and laughing. The alcohol was obviously working wonder's on them too. Mr Gough was holding court in the centre, regaling them all with his stories of trekking in the Amazon.

They hesitated between joining the group or sitting alone as Nick ordered some cocktails.

Two young men in costume took up position in the centre of the bar as the music became louder and the patrons began circling them. they tossed some thick sticks around which they then lit on fire and began juggling and swallowing, performing amazing feats of fire breathing.

Nick really wanted to keep her to himself but he didn't want to seem presumptuous so the evening entertainment proved a welcome distraction and a good reason not to join the group.

Instead they took up position on a large clamshell sofa. It was distanced enough from the hustle and bustle to be able to chat easily but still close enough for them to feel involved in the show.

"and to think I had to be forced to do this!"

She smiled as she sat down beside him, the air was thick with sexual tension and they were suddenly very aware that their legs were touching. The sloped design of the sofa naturally pushed them together, a great idea for honeymooning couples, a little uncomfortable for relative strangers.

"you didn't want to come?"

"nooooo, I hate conferences. I hate holidays, I hate bugs and I really hate people….. normally"

"conferences I get. Bugs, people yeah, but holidays? No-one hates holidays!"

She was gazing at him with a smile on her face.

"well they're not normally this much fun"

Nick was consumed by an overwhelming urge to kiss her. the prolonged eye contact and closeness of their bodies certainly didn't help. He was sure the cocktails and copious amounts of wine had something to do with it too as his hand appeared to move completely of its own accord, cupping her face and gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. He leaned towards her slowly, brushing his lips against hers as he felt a sigh escape her mouth.

When their lips met he felt tingles over his whole body. He kissed her so softly he was barely touching her and when he pulled away she was still suspended there, her eyes closed her mouth opened slightly waiting for him.

He worried for a moment if he had been a little too forward, maybe he shouldn't have pushed it so soon. He was about to apologise when he felt her hand grasping his shirt and pulling him closer to her. he just had time to catch the glint in her eye before she was kissing him. harder now with more passion and his hands were running through her hair and down her back. Slowly, carefully skimming the curves of her body until she suddenly pulled away, grasping his arms and sliding as far away as she could.

"I… can't. I'm sorry, Nick"

He frowned at her, she suddenly looked terrified and confused. He ran through what had just happened in his brain, trying to figure out if he had done something hasty or inappropriate.

"Carey…"

She shook her head as she stood from their sofa, he could see her eyes glisten with tears as she looked at him. he didn't understand what had changed but he knew she wasn't going to tell him. she merely left him there as she ran back into the hotel leaving him shamefully turned on and alone in front of the entire bar.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning he arrived in the conference hall a little later than he would have liked. Most of the participants were already there, taking their seats and chatting among themselves. He stood at the door for a few moments, scanning the people, looking for a place to sit. He couldn't see Carey; he wasn't sure whether he was looking for her because he wanted to see her or because he wanted to avoid her.

In the end the choice was taken from him as she stepped through the doors behind him and walked straight to him. She didn't smile; she looked nervous, ashamed almost. Nick regarded her carefully, she looked different again. Her hair was scraped back into a pony tail and she wore a simple white blouse and dress trousers.

"I'm sorry… about last night. Can we start over?"

"What happened? Did I do something wrong?"

She frowned and her eyes darted around, like she was searching for an answer.

"It's… uh it's complicated. I'm not really here for … well, that"

They started walking to the front of the room, heading for empty seats on the front row.

"I'm not asking you to marry me Carey, why don't we just take it easy. Have some fun?"

They took their seats, eyeing the various tanks and boxes in front of them with curiosity. There was an untold amount of bugs and creepy crawlies contained in those boxes, maybe the front row wasn't the best idea. Carey looked like she was deep in thought. He wondered if she was thinking about the prospect of the bugs staging a revolt and escaping from their tiny prisons like him or if she was thinking over what he had just said. He decided it was probably the latter.

"You know what, if we get back to Vegas and you decide you never want to see me again. I'm ok with that. But right now, I'm really enjoying spending time with you"

She smiled and opened her mouth, about to shoot him a sarcastic comment no doubt, but she was distracted by Dr Gough. He naturally commanded attention as soon as he stepped into a room, he had an air of authority and as he cleared his throat the room fell silent. He moved around in front of the assembled crowd, taking in the eager faces and restless shuffling.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for joining me on this conference"

He cleared his throat again, he was sweating profusely. It struck Nick as odd; he hadn't appeared to be an overly sweaty person the previous night. His breathing was laboured too and he pulled at his collar distractedly as he continued with his speech. Nerves possibly, even the most accomplished public speakers were occasionally cursed with stage fright.

He continued to pace, speaking rapidly. He approached the first of his boxes and slid open the lid, peering in with enthusiasm as he slowly reached his hand in.

"I'd like to start by introducing you to my favourite spider, this is Allan"

He pulled out his hand and started walking around with the spider clutching onto his arm. It was huge, at least 5inches across and its hairy legs wrapped around his arm as it curled up trying to escape from the light. Nick held his breath; he had suffered from a moderate bug phobia since his ordeal in the coffin. Part of the reason he decided to take this trip, and fund it himself, was to help him deal with that. That didn't make it any easier to see this man pacing with a deadly spider on his arm like it was a fashion accessory.

"Allan is a Brazilian Wandering spider, also known as a banana spider. He is a record breaker too. His species made it into the Guinness book of world records in 2010 as the world's most venomous spider."

He was speaking about it as one might speak of a fluffy pet cat, full of affection and admiration. Nick just couldn't fathom how a person could form an emotional attachment to a bug. Grissom's crazy collection of beasts had raised many a smile but he couldn't picture his mentor stroking his spider's hairy legs and talking to it by his fireplace after a long shift. Actually he probably could but personally he couldn't picture having anything but fear from such a predator.

Carey clearly felt the same way, he could feel her body tense beside him and he instinctively put his hand on her leg in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

The next few seconds went by in a bit of a blur.

He had made eye contact with Carey, she was giving him a soft smile which was all the confirmation he needed that she accepted his 'no strings attached' proposal. Dr Gough let out a pained cry and fell to the ground, gasping for air and pulling at his shirt like it was strangling him. The banana spider scuttled off in the direction of the crowds and relative darkness offered by the chairs and then all hell broke loose. People were screaming, throwing chairs around and stampeding out of the door. Carey was gone from his side. He looked around at the panicked crowds trying to place her but he heard her voice coming from behind him.

"Nick go into his kit and see if he has anti-venom I think he's been bitten"

She was pulling at his tie and ripping the buttons off his shirt as she checked his pulse and breathing quickly straddling his body and beginning chest compressions. If he wasn't so confused by the whole situation he would probably have been quite aroused.

Hotel security arrived, their confusion and uncertainty written all over their faces.

"Close down the room, there's a spider on the loose! And get an ambulance in here!"

Nick didn't mean to frighten them, he had maybe shouted it a little louder and with more urgency than he would have liked but at that present moment he was very aware of the close proximity he was in to all kinds of venomous bugs and beasts. Not to mention the fact that Dr Gough was dying right in front of his eyes and he had to dig through the jumble that was his kit.

"Nick! We kinda need it right now!"

She was feverishly working on the speaker's body; he finally located the pouch with the anti-venom in it and brought it to her side. He sorted through the vials one by one, discarding the useless ones and passing her the one she needed along with a needle. He watched as she quickly assembled the needle and carefully injected it into the now bulging vein on his arm. He started to seize violently, his body bucking and jumping throwing Carey to the ground.

Nick moved to help her up but she waved him away, remaining perfectly still as she was eye level with Allan. They hadn't reached the part of the lecture which dealt with how _not_ to get bitten by the deadly spider. She lay there staring at it, almost begging it not to bite her as its hairy legs edged closer and closer to her.

Dr Gough had stopped fitting, his body now lay still and peaceful and he was breathing quietly on his own. The paramedics loitered in the doorway, too scared to enter the room in fear of the deadly spider which was now almost touching Carey's outstretched hand.

Trying to become invisible wasn't paying off; the spider raised its front two legs and began swaying from side to side. They may not know a lot about spiders but they knew aggressive behaviour when they saw it. She held her breath, not daring to even exhale too loudly in fear of exasperating it.

She suddenly locked eyes with Nick as he slowly tiptoed closer to her. His footsteps light and silent, his arms stretched out with a clear plastic box grasped in his hands. When he was close enough he nodded at her and she quickly pulled her hand away as he slammed the box down around the irate spider, trapping it there and gesturing the paramedics to come through.

Nick placed one of Dr Gough's huge books on top of the box to make sure Allan didn't escape again and made his way to Carey as the paramedic's strapped their teacher to a body board and moved him through the room.

"You ok?"

She was visibly shaking; her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears as she looked at him.

"I'm fine"

She held out her hands and laughed at the sight of them trembling. If she hadn't been afraid of bugs before she certainly was now.

"Adrenaline come down?"

She nodded her agreement as he slipped his arm around her shoulders. They watched as Mr Gough was carried out of the hotel and into the waiting ambulance to be blue lighted to the nearest hospital for more treatment.

They had probably saved his life.

The police would arrive soon, thought Nick. He looked around the room, surveying the chaos. The many upturned chairs and discarded shoes. The notebooks and pens scattered on the floor as everyone had rushed out of the room in their haste to avoid the spider. It was quite the miracle it hadn't been stood on actually. He watched as its long legs felt around the edges of the plastic box, he almost felt sorry for it.

Carey had followed his gaze, a shiver made its way up her spine and she trembled. He tightened his grip around her shoulders. Feeling proud he could be nice, protective Nick again.

"You want me to walk you to your room?"

She frowned at him as though the thought had never occurred to her. The police would want to interview them but they could easily be found, she clearly needed to lie down.

"I told you, I'm fine."

"Just trying to look out for you"

She turned to face him, smiling a sweet smile.

"I know, thank you."

She leaned closer to kiss him on the cheek. An innocent gesture which should have been purely friendly if it wasn't for the fact that Nick chose that exact moment to turn in her direction making their lips meet. She drew breath quickly at this realisation but she didn't pull away. She didn't run away, instead she slowly, gently caressed his lips with hers.

If it wasn't for their near death experience it would have been perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

The metallic sounding jingle sounded out into the jungle waking him from his blissful slumber. Grissom debated whether investing in the latest, top-of-the-range cell phone was even a good idea. He really didn't want to be leaving the arms of his beautiful newlywed wife but it was already giving him a headache and he wanted it to stop. He unwrapped himself from her embrace carefully, keen not to wake her unnecessarily, and padded to the other side of their small cabin to retrieve the phone.

He could feel her eyes burning into him as he moved indicating his attempts to let her sleep had been unsuccessful. She had to be the lightest sleeper in the world; the tiniest thing would wake her up. Ridiculous things like a monkey on the roof or a rustling in the bushes. Things that normal people wouldn't even notice when they were awake. He turned to look at her before he picked up the phone, she truly was a vision and not for the first time he pinched himself to ensure it was real.

She was stretched out on the bed, her hair messy and dishevelled on top of her head as she propped up on her elbow to watch him move. A smile played across her mouth as she pursed her lips in an attempt to hide it. The tiny movements of her face which had become so familiar to him were also the ones which pulled on his heart strings the most. He was very aware suddenly that he was completely naked, that would possibly explain her interest in watching him move around. It should have made him uncomfortable; in truth it made him want to join her in bed even more.

"Stop watching me"

"I like your butt…"

She was grinning a wide smile now as he sat on a stool and raised an eyebrow in her direction.

"Grissom?"

He spoke on the phone for an inordinate amount of time. Sara had begun twirling a strand of hair around her finger, still watching his every move. He could see she was getting bored but for once the conversation on the other end of the phone was interesting to him. His old friend and colleague Lee Gough had been hosting a conference in Hawaii and had been struck down by a suspected spider bite. They wanted him to step in, to take his place as the speaker and he was granted a week long all expenses paid trip to Hawaii for his trouble.

He regarded his new wife in a dreamlike state. They had been married 5 days, just 5 days and he was already been called to work. She deserved a proper honeymoon, he wanted to give her that and afterwards they could set off to Europe. They had always planned to travel Europe but their adventures in Costa Rica had taken over somewhat.

He signed off from the phone call promising to call back with his decision and slipped back into bed beside Sara. He kissed her neck, her shoulder and along the soft silky skin on her arm as she reached out and grabbed his behind, pulling him in close to her.

"I like your butt even better in bed"

He returned the favour and kissed her slowly, relishing the feeling of her body against his.

"What do you think of Hawaii?"

She held him at arm's length, frowning at the strange question.

"I think … "

"I've been offered a free trip"

He recognised the suspicion on her face; he knew that taking on a job so soon after their marriage probably wouldn't go down too well. Sara was hard to predict though, quite often she reacted in ways that were the complete opposite to how he would expect. He expected a rant about spending time together; he had his argument ready and everything. Instead he got a broad smile and a happy kiss.

"They asked you to do the conference?"

Grissom never ceased to be amazed by her; it used to be his job to know things that no one expected. He used to be the one who earned the confused expression he now wore as he looked at his wife.

"How did you know that?"

He could almost see her debating whether to tell him where she got her knowledge, she enjoyed teasing him.

"You really should pay attention, Gil"

He was wracking his brains, trying to remember what he should have been paying attention to but he was very aware of her hand, gently stroking the inside of his thigh. It was hard to concentrate under such circumstances, he was sure he had lost brain cells since meeting her. He seemed to become so much less intelligent when she was around.

"I have no idea…."

"Nicky's taking that conference. He told you just a few days ago Gil"

He could remember talking to Nick. It was a vague memory; his focus was elsewhere on that day. He had been about to make the single biggest step of his entire life, he was about to marry the woman he loved and if Nick was talking about Entomology conferences at that moment, he wasn't surprised he had failed to pay attention.

"I guess someone else had my attention that day"

He leaned down to kiss her, looking deep into her eyes. It surprised him every day just how much he loved her.

"Let's do it"

He was strangely excited. It was exhilarating to pass on his knowledge to eager, enthusiastic young scientists and professionals. He always met interesting people on these conferences; there was always someone with that special something. That spark of life and thirst for knowledge that intrigued him. Many years ago it had been the woman he now held in his arms.

"Won't you be bored?"

"Are you kidding? It will be fun to hear you speak again, and besides I think being you're student again would be exciting"

She ran her nails gently down his chest and kissed his neck. He growled in response.

"I think we may have overstepped the student teacher boundary slightly"

He traced an invisible line with his finger from her ear down to her lips. Her tongue instinctively poking out to meet it.

"Hmmm just a little"


	5. Chapter 5

Carey had been chatting to the young police officer for more than 30 minutes. Nick was sure the topic of conversation had moved on from the dramatics of the conference hall and gone to a different place entirely. He was absolutely certain when the officer stood up and passed her his card that he wasn't looking for more information on the case. He knew that look; he _did_ that look, that smile, that subtle touch on the leg or the arm. He shot the officer a suspicious look as he left the room and turned his attention back to Carey.

"well aren't you just getting hit on left right and centre?"

"he was not! I was getting interviewed"

"yeah, I'm sure whether or not you have plans for dinner is important to the case"

The police officer waving sheepishly through the window only emphasised his point. He seemed quite embarrassed when Nick waved back and hurriedly joined his partner in his car and drove away.

"you better get changed anyway I have a surprise"

He faltered for a moment when she narrowed her eyes at him, wondering if he had overstepped a boundary. He felt a little on guard around her since she run off that night, he still wasn't sure what had happened then but he didn't like to push the subject, if she was happy to pretend it didn't happen then so was he.

"what's the surprise?"

"would it be a surprise if I told you?"

Carey ran off in the opposite direction as Nick milled around waiting for her. they had been given an entire free day, even if they found someone to cover the conference it wouldn't restart until tomorrow. He had used the past half hour to arrange the most romantic date he could conjure up on such short notice. Hawaiian people were nothing if not eager to please, especially the ones at the hotel who had bent over backwards arranging their special day.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, he suspected it would be Hodges with a stupid joke or Greg teasing him about some hot chick he had interviewed. The last person he expected a message from was Sara.

"I've got a surprise for you"

"you're not pregnant already are you?"

He laughed to himself as he sent his message, he could just picture her expression of pure terror when she read it.

He had almost forgotten he was waiting for someone. He was so engrossed in their little back and forth conversation that he didn't see Carey until she was standing in front of him, the stuffy blouse and smart trousers replaced with a sundress and flip-flops.

She looked uncharacteristically nervous, she always came across as a confident person.

"are you going to tell me now?"

"nope, come on"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her outside into the glorious bright sunshine. They passed the beautiful gardens filled with rich blooming flowers and the sparkling pool surrounded by conference go-ers. They skirted past the bar, still littered with lanterns and cocktail umbrella's awaiting the night's festivities. He led her down a few steps to a pier, a small glass bottomed boat was waiting, its captain tipping his hat as they stepped in and took their seats.

"A boat? We're going on a boat?"

Nick couldn't really read her tone, he wasn't sure if he detected a hint of sarcasm.

"We're going for a picnic; it's just in a special place that we need a boat to get to"

The smile that crossed her face was worth all the trouble he had gone to and he could have sworn she shifted in her seat slightly to sit closer to him.

The journey only took about 15 minutes; their concept of time was askew. It felt on one hand like they had only stepped into the boat before it was time to leave and on the other hand like they had been there for hours. The island they arrived at didn't have a jetty, the boat stopped as close to the shore as it could and they were forced to walk the rest of the way, knee deep in the clear blue water.

The locals Nick had paid had kept their side of the bargain. Laid out on the golden sand of the beach was a huge turquoise blanket, it was littered with pink petals. An ice bucket chilled the wine and a hamper held their food, lanterns hung from the huge beach umbrella which shaded half the blanket from the heat of the midday sun.

Carey surveyed the scene for a few moments, speechless and rendered completely defenceless to his charms. She threw her arms around his neck and held him close.

"I can't believe you did this, no one's ever…"

He raised a finger to her lips and sat down on the blanket, opening the wine as she continued to gaze around in amazement. He hadn't expected this reaction; anyone would think she'd never been privy to a romantic gesture before. The meal was far from sandwiches and cake like he had asked for, Nick pulled out quiche's and shrimp cocktails, pasta salads and chocolate mousse. It was a truly wonderful spread. He dipped a plump strawberry in his chocolate mousse and held it out for Carey to bite moving it at the last moment and smearing chocolate mousse all over her nose.

"Oh this means war!"

She threw her shrimp back at him missing him by a mile.

"You throw like a girl!"

He regretted shouting it immediately when he saw her dip her hand into the chocolate mousse, she crawled across the blanket and casually run it down the length of his face. It should have felt disgusting, it should have gave him shivers as the thick paste stuck into his pores, in truth he relished the feeling he got when she touched him. He loved that she was so close he could feel her breath; he could see the freckles that dotted across her nose and the flecks of green's and gold's in her eyes. He held her gaze, forgetting for a moment that they were engaged in a childish food fight. Carey licked the chocolate from one of her fingers and he broke eye contact. He now watched her lips and her tongue, mesmerised and struggling to control himself.

When his eyes returned to hers they looked different somehow, they had changed from sparkling and mischievous. Her eyes were now filled with lust and he found himself unable to control his urge to kiss her. He had promised to take it slow, it was obvious she had some unresolved issues but he just couldn't do it anymore. His hands slid down the curve of her spine to pull her down to him and she settled onto the soft blanket with a smile. He turned on his side and propped his head up with his hand. She ran a finger down the side of his face, coating it with chocolate mousse and slipping it into her mouth.

"I think I like new chocolate coated Nick"

Nick had almost forgotten he was covered in chocolate. He had been about to plan his revenge attack when she had started with all the licking, distracting him completely. He wiped his face with his hand, his fingers dripping with the thick gooey chocolate, he moved his hand towards her lips brushing them with the mixture then taking his time to clean it all off with his own lips. He moved ever so slowly, ever so gently, keen to make the moment last. He could almost see her heart pounding faster and faster as she held her breath under his touch.

The sky was growing dark and the breeze getting a little chilly but they didn't notice, they were too caught up in each other. Nick pulled his mouth away from hers and she let out a long sigh before reaching up and pulling him towards her. Their kissing wasn't gentle or slow or romantic anymore, it was frenzied, hungry and passionate.

Then the rain fell.

All at once the sky was black and the heavens opened, drowning everything in sight, drenching right through their beach umbrella and soaking into their clothes. They had never seen such an immense volume of rain occur all at once. Nick quickly gathered the blanket up, folding the food and anything else that was on it into the middle of his makeshift sack. Carey retrieved their shoes as they rapidly floated away on the tide. As Nick stood under the relative shelter provide by the thick cluster of tree's by the foot of a hill Carey turned her eyes to the sky and laughed. She laughed and laughed and twirled around in the heavy rain like a mad woman. Nick was beginning to get worried about her mental state.

"What on earth are you doing? Get in here!"

"Why? I'm already soaked!"

"Carey, you'll get sick. Come over here till it passes"

Carey looked him square in the face, looked him right in the eye as the water poured down her face. Her hair was clinging to her cheeks and the once floaty dress was now moulded into the curves of her body and he was sure it was a little see through if he looked really hard.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass…."

She reached out her hand to him smiling; he wasn't sure about where this was going. He was pretty sure he didn't like the rain. He had already slipped off his saturated shirt because it was clinging to him but he mirrored her smile and took her hand. Carey pulled at him with surprising strength; pressing her body against his she placed a long slow kiss on his lips before finishing her quote.

"It's about dancing in the rain"


	6. Chapter 6

Touching down in Hawaii was a very surreal experience. After such a long day of travelling they felt weary and exhausted, Grissom wasn't sure if he had the energy to put one foot in front of the other and get him out of the departure lounge in one piece. It didn't look like an airport for starters, of course it was a concrete faceless building surrounded by planes but this place had something special, something different.

The boring tiled floors were gone for a start; these floors were adorned with thick flowered carpeting. There were mini palm trees and foliage dotted around the place in pots and troughs and flowers hung from almost every available surface. They were greeted by a row of 4 young women dressed in their traditional costume. They practically danced over to each and every guest and greeted them with kind smiles and their very own Lei. It was a personal touch that distinguished Hawaii from anywhere else in the world. They actually seemed happy to see people; if this were LA they were more likely to receive a pamphlet on how not to get mugged.

"This is stupid"

He grinned at Sara, she would of course think this was a needless waste and she would need no encouragement to tell him why.

"Its tradition Sara"

"Well it's a stupid tradition. Let's kill thousands of flowers and dress like fools just to please some tourists who will come to our country and rob it of any natural beauty it once had"

"Tourism accounts for over 30% of Hawaii's economy"

"And would people stop coming if they stopped with all this nonsense at the airport?"

Grissom knew she had a point but he did enjoy seeing her get wound up about something she was passionate about. He loved seeing that fire in her eyes when she knew she was right about something, or even when she wasn't sure but she was planning on putting up a damn good fight.

"The Lei greeting is one of the most famous things about touching down in Hawaii, Sara so yes I think that the economy could suffer and anyway they like to honour their tradition"

Sara appeared to think about his argument for a few moments, turning it over in her mind as they walked towards the exit.

"The _tradition_… was for the native's to wear the Lei to distinguish themselves from visiting tribes. They only gave Lei to others as a peace offering when they trusted the visitors. It had NEVER been tradition to go handing out Lei to strangers"

She shot him a victorious smile knowing she had won the argument as a small man came running over to them almost hitting them head on in his enthusiasm.

"Dr Grissom? Oh it is a pleasure to meet you, your car is waiting. Please follow me."

Sara rolled her eyes at him. He knew she would not appreciate the attention he would garner from the attendee's at the conference. Sara was not generally a jealous person but she had grown very accustomed to having him to herself for the past few months and she didn't like to share.

"I had almost forgotten about your army of fans, Gil"

"You used to be one of them, my dear"

"Oh I still am … your biggest fan actually."

They pulled up to the hotel a short while later, dusk was beginning to fall. The sun was dipping slightly under the horizon and bathing the quiet bay in the relaxing orange glow reserved only for this time of night. It was undeniably a remarkably romantic place, Grissom watched as Sara looked out across the sea a strangely nostalgic expression cast over her beautiful features.

"What are you thinking?"

She regarded him with a wry smile.

"I was thinking how there could be any number of people looking out at the sunset at this very same moment and seeing something completely different"

"Very introspective, may I ask why?"

"Nicky!"

Grissom frowned as his wife disappeared from his side. He wasn't sure what Nick had to do with different people's perceptions of the sunset. He was resigned to the fact that he would never, in a million years be able to pin point Sara Sidle's thought process. No matter how many times he asked for explanation it could change from one moment to the next as she had just proven. There they were in the middle of what had the potential to be a deep and meaningful conversation and she had been distracted and run off. Ok so she was distracted by a very close mutual friend who was walking up a jetty with a young woman, but she had still been distracted easily. He used to be the one doing that. He was normally the one who warranted the confused expression at his retreating form while people tried to figure out if they had actually ended the conversation or not.

Nick pulled her into a gentle hug and introduced her to the woman he was with. They both appeared to be completely soaked from head to toe. He couldn't deny being interested in how they came to be in such a state but it felt a little inappropriate to ask.

"What are you guys doing here? Is this the surprise?"

"Grissom's taking the conference! I told you you'd like it!"

"Oh Carey, this is Dr Grissom. My old supervisor, my mentor and my friend"

"Did you rehearse that Nicky? It's a pleasure to meet you"

He cast his eyes over the woman, she was guarded somewhat. Even with Nick. He decided he hadn't known her for long. Nick was still trying to figure her out but he was very clearly infatuated, he hadn't taken his eyes off her for more than a few moments since they had arrived.

"Well I got to go get changed, we got caught in a hell of a thunderstorm. No warning. The heavens just opened"

"It's called a Kona storm. They are quite common in Hawaii"

"Hey call me later and we'll grab breakfast together ok?"

Nick and Carey vanished into the hotel together. Grissom noted how he slipped his hand around hers as they walked side by side.

This place had some kind of magic surrounding it. He was sure it could turn even the most repressed unromantic person into a romantic idealist. He couldn't deny the power it had over people. It ignited romance from a place within he didn't even know existed.

The place literally oozed love.

He was glad he could share it with the person he loved. It was good for Nick to share it with someone too.


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n: ok so I know a couple of you were disappointed at the lack of smut in the previous chapters. So here's a long one with a sweet sticky ending because this story is just getting started. Let me know what you think x**

* * *

><p>Nick loitered in Carey's hallway shuffling his feet nervously. He didn't know a specific room number but this was the floor she had taken the elevator to last night when she had left him with another lingering slow kiss. It did frustrate him somewhat that that was about as far as he had gotten with her, but of course it also added to the intrigue and allure. She left her room and a look of surprise cast over her face.<p>

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm stalking you now, didn't you get the memo?"

"Ha-ha very cute"

"I figured I could use a beautiful woman on my arm at the conference today"

"How very gentlemanly, anyone would think you were trying to seduce me Mr Stokes"

She slipped her arm through his as they headed for the elevator. Nick filled her in on all the essential gossip on Sara and Grissom as they made their way to the hall. He was excited at the prospect of being a proper student of Grissom's. The conference hall was buzzing with activity, everyone excitedly chattered about the new speaker. Everywhere they went they heard his name. Nick and Carey took seats on the back row, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Sara slipped into the vacant seat beside them waving her hellos as a hush fell over the room and Grissom entered the hall.

Grissom introduced himself and spoke a little about the rules of the conference. He wasn't a believer in dress codes and mixers, these people were here to learn not to network. Or at least he hoped they were.

He talked them through some of the common bugs found in Hawaii before announcing a recess. They had been given a lot of information in a short time and the room emptied in seconds leaving only Sara and Nick behind.

"Show me this spider"

Nick cast his eyes over the mass of boxes, slipping the one containing Allan out carefully and passing it to Grissom. Without even a glimmer of hesitation Grissom slid open the lid and coaxed the spider onto his arm.

"Are you out of your mind?"

Grissom ran his finger gently under the spider's body enticing it into its defensive position. It sent shivers down Nick's spine.

"You see these?"

He pointed to two sacs under the spiders exposed fangs.

"Empty. This spider's been de-venomed. He may have bit him but he didn't poison him"

Nick wasn't sure what to make of that information. It seemed like a straight forward case. Grissom's phone broke through the heavy silence in the room and he waved them away.

"Go get drinks; I'll be out in a second"

Nick and Sara joined Carey in the foyer. Everyone was discussing Grissom, some with admiration and others with indifference. They were not amused at the new lack of free time. The conference still had to be completed in 7 days and they had lost an entire day. Grissom appeared at the door, looking nervous and clearing his throat.

"Can I have your attention please?"

The room fell silent as all eyes turned to Grissom.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this but I have just been informed that Dr Gough took a turn for the worst and sadly passed away a little over half an hour ago. I think under the circumstances we should take the afternoon as personal time and we will continue the conference tomorrow morning"

Sara and Carey appeared to be hitting it off; they had been deep in conversation the entire time as they waited for Grissom to finish entertaining the masses. There seemed to be a constant stream of people looking to speak with him. Nick didn't recognise half of them from the conference, he was sure there must have been random people from the hotel sneaking over just to ask him about this case or that experiment.

"Did you know Carey grew up just a few miles away from me?"

Nick shook his head feigning interest, he wasn't even sure he knew where Sara grew up never mind Carey.

"It's a beautiful city, Nick" Grissom said appearing behind him "maybe Carey will show you around sometime"

"I can show you some great spots for surfing"

"You'd have to teach me how first, not a lot of surfing spots in Texas"

Grissom nodded from his spot behind him "or Vegas"

Sara and Carey exchanged a mischievous look

"I think we have to head to the beach this afternoon"

"Sara, I have no intention of ever learning to surf. That's most definitely a young man's sport"

Sara stroked his arm and grinned at him.

"It's on your bucket list Gil"

"I distinctly remember leaving it off my bucket list"

"I put it there, trust me. It's fun"

* * *

><p>Later that night they met in the hotel bar, it had been an exhausting day and Nick had seen more water than he cared to remember. Being upstaged by one woman was bad enough but when they both put him to shame it was time to call it a day.<p>

"Have you recovered?"

She was curled up on 'their' clamshell sofa with a huge cocktail in her hand. She shuffled over to let him sit down and nodded towards another huge glass.

"Will your friends be joining us tonight?"

"If Grissom can still walk, Sara says they'll be down after dinner"

Most of the people from the conference seemed to have spent the afternoon in the bar; there were a lot of people he recognised in varying stages of intoxication. It was quite entertaining to see their defences fall as they succumbed to the evils of alcohol.

He took a long sip of his cocktail.

"Hey, I had fun today. Even if I do suck at surfing"

"Yea you do suck at surfing; I think you'll need a few more lessons"

"I think I should quit while I'm ahead"

"You better get ahead first then"

The bar was rapidly filling up as Sara and Grissom arrived. They all ended up sitting on the sofa watching as the entertainers performed a traditional fire dance in the centre of the bar. The chatter had turned to Lee Gough as the night descended and the mood shifted.

One of the older men at the bar called for everyone's attention and proposed a toast to their one time mentor and they all raised their glasses in respect.

"If he didn't die from the bite then what killed him?"

Carey voiced what they were all thinking. They had assumed it was the spider and accepted that but if Lee had definitely been poisoned then they were facing an altogether more worrying enemy.

"I've asked them to let me know. We are going to call it a night, bright and early ok you two?"

The bar seemed to be emptying as quickly as it had filled. The toast had put a somewhat reflective mood on the evening and no-one really felt like friendly drinking and chatting.

"Got kinda depressing, huh?"

Nick looked over her carefully. There was a glint in her eye he didn't recognise and she was trailing her nail up and down his thigh, getting higher every time she did. It was surprisingly arousing but experience told him that pushing it with Carey only sent you back to the beginning. He wished his body had listened to his advice but he was very obviously reacting to her touch. And she had very obviously noticed as she leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"You know, I have a minibar in my room"

Nick took her hand and led her towards the building without another word.

"Actually, your room's closer"

He practically dragged her along the corridor towards his room. When he reached his door she pulled him into a passionate kiss and he pushed his body against hers pinning her against the door as their hands explored each other's bodies desperately.

Within seconds his shirt was discarded and she was fiddling with his belt as he kissed the crook of her neck sending shivers all over her body. The buttons of her blouse were ridiculously small and he struggled to pop them open one by one exposing her bra as it cradled her heaving breasts. They were already breathing heavily, their hearts racing as their passion mounted. When she finally unclipped his belt and opened the button of his trousers he suddenly remembered they were still in the hallway.

"Let's go inside"

He led her into the room and she sat down on the bed and slowly unclipped her bra while he removed his trousers and crawled over her. He had been longing for this moment since he first laid eyes on her, his hands found the soft flesh of her breasts and his fingers gently teased her nipples. He was only encouraged by her moans as he brushed his lips down her chest to let his tongue explore. He could feel her quiver as his kisses moved lower, eventually finding the soft fabric of her panties. His instincts told him to rip them off in frenzy but he was a gentleman and he intended to enjoy their time together since it had the potential to amount to nothing.

So while she slipped them down her long slender legs he let his fingers do the talking, sliding them softly between her legs and finding her wet and ready for him. They locked eyes as he plunged his fingers deeper inside her and she bucked her body in reaction. He could feel her muscles spasm and tighten which only encouraged him more.

Suddenly she wriggled out from under him and coaxed him onto the bed as she took his hard erection in her hands and ever so slowly stroked and caressed it until he was the one trembling as she flipped one leg over his body and straddled him.

She lowered herself onto him slowly, holding her breath as he filled her and she took a moment to compose herself. Nick had to coach himself internally to hold it together as she slowly started to grind her hips sending waves of pleasure all over his body. When she arched her back and moaned he just couldn't control himself anymore. He moved into a seated position and pulled her close to his body. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he helped her to move, as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Their pace was quickening and their breathing rapid. They were pressed so hard together they could feel each other's hearts racing as their orgasms washed over them like an explosion. Every bead of sweat, every moan and whispered sigh evaporated as he held her tightly pushed into him. Her whole body shook and trembled and she buried her face into his neck and her nails into his back, her legs squeezing him as though milking his fluid into her.

Nick collapsed back onto the bed, panting and sweating. His body glistened from the exertion as she ran her nails down the hard ripples of his chest and cuddled into the crook of his arm. He kissed her slowly and lovingly before she fell asleep in his arms.

It had definitely been worth the wait.


	8. Chapter 8

Nick woke in the early hours of the morning to an unfamiliar although not unwelcome sight.

With her hair all over her face and nothing but a thin sheet covering her dignity she still looked more beautiful than he remembered. He had to steel himself from moving in for a kiss choosing instead to let her keep sleeping. That in itself was no easy task considering she was almost fully entwined in him. Her legs were quite easily untangled from his, he loved how soft and smooth her skin felt as he brushed against her slowly in his effort to escape. She slept through his gentle repositioning of her arm but he was faced with the daunting task of removing his arm from around her neck. He silently debated the 'band aid' approach versus the careful edging approach when she suddenly turned in her sleep and he seized the opportunity to whip his arm out of the way mid-roll.

He was free from her embrace and he felt a hollow ache at the prospect, if he didn't need to use the bathroom so badly he would have stayed there like that for the rest of the day. Just breathing in her scent and feeling her breathe as her body pressed against his chest. He padded into the bathroom to take care of business, flicking on the shower as he did before examining himself in the mirror.

It wasn't news to him that he was an emotional person. All too often he found himself reacting to and getting attached to people when it wasn't entirely appropriate. He had promised Carey a risk free, no strings attached vacation but he already knew he was falling for her. He could coach himself every day in this mirror in an effort to supress it but he wouldn't get very far. It was an unfortunate fact of life that feelings cannot be controlled; no matter how much we wished they could be.

He stepped under the shower grateful for the water beating on his back. He could relax in a hot shower, no matter what kind of day he had a shower seemed to wash away all the misery and he could start fresh when he left the solitude of its enclosure. He turned his back to the room, the stream of water covering his face and running off his shoulders as he ran his hands through his hair. He suddenly felt hands slip around his waist; he was surprised he hadn't heard her come in.

She didn't utter a single word as she took his washcloth from his hands and washed his back. The cloth working lather and her hands massaging his tense muscles carefully and sensually. She didn't miss a spot and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her hands on his body and the heat from the shower. It was not how he imagined he would be spending his mornings at this conference.

Her hands were steadily moving lower down his body and he could feel her pressed against him as she ran her fingers down his clenched thighs and his growing erection. Her lips were tracing soft kisses along his broad shoulders as he growled in response to the unique sensations she was giving him. The lather was building up as she moved her hand back and forth.

He was overwhelmed with the urge to have her. He whipped around and cupped his hand under her chin meeting her eyes for a prolonged moment before kissing her lips hungrily. When he looked at her again her eyes were clouded over, the curious infatuation gone in replace of pure unadulterated lust. With unspoken words they understood each other and she hitched her legs around him as he guided himself into her slowly, propping her up with his strong arms he pushed her back against the tiled walls of the shower enclosure with a grunt.

The water and lather coated her body like latex; he used his free hand to explore her slippery breasts and stomach. She was moaning as he thrust into her, her legs trembling as she matched his movements and arched her back. His hand slipped lower finding the bud of her clitoris and massaging it gently, merely brushing against it with the tips of his fingers until she was shaking uncontrollably and digging her nails into his back. He couldn't hold on any longer, the sensations waving over him were making his toes curl and throwing his head back he released into her with an almighty groan and a long drawn out sighing of her name.

She slipped her legs down and casually stepped under the stream of water, running her hands down the length of her hair.

"I could get used to waking up like that every morning"

* * *

><p>Grissom and Sara sat on the edge of the small stage people watching. It was an entertaining past time, trying to guess the relationships between people. Sara was proving to be very good at it.<p>

"See them over there?"

Sara pointed to two men standing by the drinks table, they were chatting innocently and Grissom would have thought of nothing unusual in their demeanour.

"They're into each other"

She said it with such conviction Grissom found himself staring at the men. So much so that they turned to look at him with confusion in their eyes and moved out of his view

"How do you know that?"

"Woman's intuition"

"You know I'm pretty certain that's a myth"

She gave him on of her trademark half smiles as more people filtered into the room. She watched each and every person with intense scrutiny. Her face lit up when Nick and Carey stepped into the room and she leaned over to speak in her husband's ear as they approached.

"They had sex!"

"Sara!"

He was about to launch into a speech about her prying but curiosity got the better of him.

"How do you know that?"

"Well its glaringly obvious Gil, they have that look"

"There's a look?"

"Of course there's a look. Just watch them. The little glances and smiles. He's watching her move with a sort of nostalgia, like he's remembering. They will touch each other every now and then, on the arm, by the waist, on the leg. Nothing promiscuous but it's like they're sharing a secret"

Grissom was staring again; open mouthed gawping as he watched them do everything Sara mentioned. It was indeed glaringly obvious to someone who knew what to look for.

"Were we that obvious?"

"I guess we probably were"

* * *

><p>The morning went by without interruption; Grissom breathed a sigh of relief. He was beginning to believe that the conference was cursed. There had been nothing but trouble from the moment it started. As the people filtered into the adjoining room for their lunch a small weedy woman approached him nervously.<p>

"Dr Grissom? I am… was Dr Gough's PA. I … well I guess you should have this now that your holding court."

She handed him a notebook, there were no clues as to what it was on the front cover but as he flicked through the pages he could see it held a huge amount of personal information on everyone who was there. By the time he looked up the woman was gone and Sara was smiling at him from her place.

"What's that?"

She took the book from his hands and devoured the contents like it was a literary classic.

"Ooo this is interesting, where did you get this from?"

"Sara, I don't think we should be reading that"

She was flicking through the pages, scanning the names as she went pausing on one in particular before raising her gaze to his.

"I think you should probably be reading this page"

She turned the book towards him and he read the contents of the page titled 'Carey Lewis' his face visibly fell as he took in the information. Was ignorance bliss? Could he allow Nick to carry on with this relationship without knowing it was already doomed to fail?

His inner dialogue was interrupted by the chime of his cell phone.

"Grissom?"

Sara smiled to herself, she wondered if he would ever stop answering calls like that. She couldn't picture him answering it any other way, except to her of course. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders as he ended the call and he rubbed the bridge of his nose as he often did at the start of a migraine. He had barely been working for 2 days and already the stress was getting to him.

"That was the coroner. Lee didn't die from a spider bite or any kind of bite for that matter. He didn't even have any puncture wounds from an injection. They suspect Malaria"

"Malaria? Shouldn't he have an entry point then?"

"It could be hidden. Under a crease of skin or on his scalp maybe? Tox should be back later this afternoon. He's going to call me back."

They walked together into the lunch room, everyone was chattering happily.

"What are you going to do about Carey?"

Grissom's eyes followed hers to where Nick and Carey sat; they were deep in conversation totally consumed in each other. His head was beginning to hurt again and he remembered why he would rather he didn't look inside that little book.

"I'm not sure it's our place to do anything, Sara"

"She clearly hasn't told him Gil, he deserves to know"

"Then I'm sure she'll tell him in her own time"

Sara had those fixed eyes and furrowed brow that told him he was about to listen to a rant. He sighed in advance preparing himself for the onslaught. She was an avid supporter of honesty in a relationship.

He was rescued from her speech by a commotion on the other side of the room. A man was gasping and wheezing. He held his chest as the other people crowded around him yelling about ambulances and recovery positions. They fought their way through the crowds to find Nick and Carey in the centre of the chaos. The man was now completely unconscious and soaked with sweat as Nick compressed his chest and Carey pushed air into his lungs. Grissom could see it was no use; the man had taken on that greyish colour of a corpse already.

As he raised his cell to call for an ambulance he noticed a message from the coroner as he simultaneously spotted a team of men in full hazmat suits.

"_Confirmed Lassa Fever. BSL-4. Sorry Dr Grissom, you're in quarantine"_


	9. Chapter 9

Things started moving quickly when the biohazard team arrived. They sealed off the entire conference hall, taping off the doors and windows and even the AC vents. It was easy to spot the professionals among the chaos, when faced with a lockdown they just accepted their fate. It was part and parcel of their profession. Being faced with death and disease every day there was inevitably going to be a time when they would come across something dangerous.

The post-graduates were not so composed. There were grown men trying to pull the tape off the windows and fighting with the hazard team. It was of course a pointless exercise, these people were here to do a job and nothing would stop them imposing the quarantine in this area. Not even a mob of irate graduates.

Grissom had to take control. He tried calling for everyone's attention but in the confusion and excitement of the situation he was all but ignored until Nick slammed a book down on a nearby table.

"HEY! Can you all just shut up and listen for a second?"

The room fell silent and everyone's eyes turned to them.

Grissom explained in a calm clear voice exactly what was going on. He had expected the people to significantly relax but instead an altogether different panic ensued. Everyone wanted to be as far away as possible from the dead man. Even people he considered to be upstanding professionals, even coroners and CSI's. They rushed to return to the other conference hall, brushing chairs and people out of their path as they went.

The four of them stayed in their chairs, watching the chaos with a hint of amusement.

Eventually a man in full protective gear spoke to them in a loud authorative voice.

"_You all have to calm down now. You're not going anywhere until we contain this infection so you best get comfortable and save your energy. These guys will be bringing in everything you're going to need for the next few days. Right now I need you to split into two groups. Anyone who had direct, prolonged or intimate contact with either of the deceased men should stay in this room. Anyone else follow me into the other hall. If you all cooperate we can get this over with a lot quicker"_

People started filtering into the other hall as though their lives depended on it. Nick and Carey remained where they were a solemn look on their faces as they watched people pass them with a pitying expression. Grissom gave them a questioning look as he and Sara joined the queue to leave the hall.

"You're not coming?"

"I gave them both CPR; I'm stuck here for the duration"

Carey flopped back in her chair and brought her knees up to her chin. They turned their attention to Nick.

"Well I gave… Carey… you know… CPR"

He smiled widely even under the circumstances. Sara sat down in the chair beside him, shooting Grissom a victorious look at having her suspicions confirmed.

"Sara what are you doing?"

"Well you know, I'm pretty sure I brushed past that guy yesterday"

"You know that's not what they meant"

"And you know we'll end up in here eventually anyway. Let's just skip to the end and get the best beds."

She was probably right. The next room would be the interview stage. Anyone who had contact with the 2 men or the people left in this room would be escorted back here. Everyone would be interviewed about their actions and interactions over the past 3 days. They would have their temperatures taken, blood drawn and a swab. They would be disinfected and kept away from the other room for 24hrs and then most likely released. The four of them knew they wouldn't be leaving that room anytime soon. They also knew that at least half of the people filtering past them with smug expressions would be returning to sit beside them with their heads bowed.

Sara was right, skip to the end.

Grissom sat heavily in the seat beside his wife. This was not exactly the relaxing honeymoon he had in mind when he accepted this job. He watched as the suited team moved the massive buffet table to one side of the room, the body of their one time colleague was zipped in an airtight bag and removed while they moved in beds and medical equipment that they would need.

Nick watched as IV's were prepared and monitors were switched on. The room was beginning to resemble a field hospital.

"Why don't they just move us to a hospital?"

It seemed like an obvious question to ask. It was, after all, an infection they were dealing with. The people sitting in the room with him were in the high risk category. It was generally accepted that most of them would get sick.

"They don't have the facilities in Hawaii, a level 4 is rare. There are only a handful of centres in the US at all"

Carey's voice was low and worried. She still rested her head on her knees as she watched the room change into their new home for the next few days. He could tell there was something on her mind. Her furrowed brow and tense shoulders told him that.

"We'll all get sick won't we?"

Grissom raised his head to look at him; there was no doubt in his mind Carey would get sick. From what he had read in that book it was guaranteed, the fact that she and Nick had consummated their relationship increased his chances of getting sick. He and Sara were relatively safe; if they managed to avoid exchanging bodily fluids with anyone there they would probably be released.

No-one answered his question; instead they retreated into their own personal thoughts. Carey slipped her phone from her pocket. She pulled out a set of earphones and passed one end to Nick without a word.

She was listening to rock music, such a predictable thing for her to be listening to. He wondered if everyone from the San Francisco area listened to rock music. He glanced over at Sara who was reading her book, her back leaning on her husband as he mirrored her actions. They were settling in for the day, preparing for what was going to be a long process. He slipped his arm around Carey and she rested her head on his shoulder.

The next few hours passed slowly, by the time the quarantine team were finished they felt bone tired and the conference hall was unrecognisable.

As predicted almost half of the people who had filtered out of the room earlier were returned. By that time Grissom, Sara, Nick and Carey had monopolised a small corner of the room as their own. It was quite comfortable actually. The 4 cot beds had been pushed together to create 2 doubles, a desk in between them and a large padded chair. They even had a medical screen erected on one side to separate them further from the gathering crowds.

Carey was suddenly squirming on the bed and she pulled her end of the earphones out.

"I'm going to the bathroom, you can keep this"

She handed him her phone and disappeared towards the bathroom with her purse slung over her shoulder, getting quizzed by the quarantine team on the way. Almost the second she left the room her phone started ringing, he stared at it in his hands. He wasn't sure what he should do. Sara and Grissom looked over at him, exchanging an unreadable glance as he answered the call.

"This is ...uh... Carey Lewis's phone. Can I take a message?"

A male voice sounded on the other end of the call. He sounded confused, nervous almost.

"This is James Dempsey, I am… I'm her… well I'm Carey's … boss"

He seemed a little confused by who he was exactly, Nick waited for him to continue. Not sure what he was supposed to say.

"How is she? I … well I saw on the news"

"She's just fine sir, I can pass a message on for you if you like…."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line.

"Tell her I … tell her I called please"

Nick saw her coming back from the bathroom out of the side of her eye; he was half tempted to keep this information from the man on the phone. He didn't like him already.

"She's on her way back sir, hold on and I'll pass you to her"

Carey's face visibly fell when she read the caller ID. She clearly didn't want to be talking to this man. She walked around as she spoke on the phone, her voice hushed and secretive. Nick strained his ears to hear her. He missed most of the conversation.

"I don't want you out here James"

He debated whether Grissom would have gone all the way to Hawaii to be with him if he was sick, he knew there was no way he would even have offered.

"I'm fine. Just don't call me again ok, you'll get into trouble"


	10. Chapter 10

Her phone was switched off when she threw it back on the bed and she looked completely stressed. This phone call from the boss had gotten under her skin for some reason and he could feel the tension surrounding her as she sat down on the bed with a heavy sigh. Nick instinctively moved to her, his hands massaging her tense shoulders.

"What was that all about?"

He felt her flinch under his touch again, her spine stiffening as he leaned to whisper in her ear. She paused and took a deep breath before she spoke.

"Nothing, my boss. He can be a little… controlling"

She leaned backwards into his body, resting her head on his shoulder. Nick couldn't decide whether he bought that story or not. It was becoming obvious to him that she was hiding something. Whether it had anything to do with her boss or not remained to be seen. She was relaxing her shoulders as he kneaded her muscles gently.

The hazard team were calling everyone up for consultation alphabetically.

Grissom was the first of their group to respond. His height, weight and temperature checked off on the chart quickly before they moved on to more pressing questions and examinations.

Grissom was returning to their corner with a look of concern on his face. He passed Carey a handkerchief from his pocket and gestured to his nose. A steady stream of blood beaded from her nose as she clutched the tissue to her face. Grissom bent down to speak to her.

"Better not let them see that, they'll have you in one of those tents"

Their eyes fell onto a row of beds against one wall; they were each covered in a plastic box. Anyone who got sick would be sent to their own private quarantine bubble; if they thought that quarantine together was boring a quarantine on your own must be torture.

Carey tilted her head back and pinched the bridge of her nose as the red stain on the handkerchief slowly grew larger. The team were steadily working through the alphabet; by the time L was called the bleeding had stopped. She was a little unsteady on her feet as she stood to make her way to the examination area. Nick turned his attention to Grissom.

"Why didn't you tell her to tell them if she's getting sick?"

"Because she's not getting sick, Nick."

He wondered how he could be sure, how he knew that her nose bleed was a completely separate issue. She seemed weaker today, more tired and shaky than she had been previously. He was beginning to worry about her.

"Everyone has nose bleeds from time to time Nick"

"I don't"

Sara sat up as though she was about to speak up but Grissom shot her back with a single look. She curled up in the corner of the bed and stared at her book with anger radiating from her pores. He was beginning to feel completely out of the loop as Carey returned to them.

"They said we get to go for a lovely antibacterial shower soon, I can't wait!"

Sara smiled from her position on her bed remembering the last time she had endured the customary disinfectant shower.

"That stuff smells awful you know, it took me days to smell normal again"

"Yeah but I bet you still have nightmares about having to share it with Greg!"

Nick couldn't resist teasing her about it, it had been a great source of amusement for them all when they found out they had shared the shower. The rumour mill had started working immediately thanks to Hodges but of course that was before they knew about her relationship with Grissom.

Carey lay back on the soft pillows as Nick explained to her all about Greg, crazy haircuts, Hawaiian shirts and all. When S was called Nick and Sara disappeared for their examination still teasing each other. Grissom sat beside Carey and cleared his throat.

"Did you tell them?"

"About the nosebleed? Oh that was nothing, happens all the time"

"No I'm not talking about that"

He had the book in his hands and he handed it to her opened at the page with her name at the top. She gazed at it, not quite realising what it was until she spotted the scrawled information underneath. She scanned the contents quickly before looking at him with a look of horror in her eyes.

"That's completely irrelevant to this"

"Is it irrelevant to Nick?"

Her silence was deafening. He could see tears brimming in her eyes, He didn't mean to upset her but if he hadn't spoke to her he was sure his wife would have cornered Nick. She was watching as Nick was interviewed by the team, her inner turmoil blatantly obvious. She met his eyes, pleading with him for more time. He understood her reluctance to share he really did.

"I was sick once and I kept it from everyone, from the people I loved. I just pushed them away, thinking that it was better to deal with it on my own. I was wrong ... you will get sick Carey, you have to tell him"

"He doesn't need to know"

"Carey, he _will_ find out. When you get sick I'm going to tell them"

"And James?"

"That's you're call"


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I wasn't going to do a chapter for Carey but the story has sort of lended itself to it. I needed to do this to get her point across and now you'll know her secret too ;) PLEASE let me know what you think. I have an excellent plan for the end of this story thanks to the season 12 Premiere ) special thanks to Otie1983 xx**

Carey knew he was right; Nick deserved to know the truth. She didn't mean to get involved with him. This week was supposed to be reserved for her to relax and recuperate. That's why her boss had insisted on it, it really had nothing to do with bugs or advancing her career. He had pulled a few strings and used the conference as a cover for sending her on vacation.

Because she was sick.

Really sick.

She could remember when the doctor had said those words, they didn't sink in they swam around her brain looking for something solid to adhere to.

Cancer.

Cancer didn't happen to her, it was something that she cut out of dead bodies, something she casually referred to as COD in so many of her cases. It happened to other people. Sick people.

Truth was she had felt fine, absolutely fine until the treatment. In fact she had feared an altogether different kind of ailment following her around when she had gone to the doctors. She had stared at a vast number of negative pregnancy tests but her monthly visitor evaded her for months. Her stomach swelling and the excruciating lower back pain only adding to her suspicions. Her biggest fear as she lay on that table was to be told she was about to become a mother. Less than 3 weeks later and she was facing the prospect of the choice being taken away from her completely.

They had removed her infected ovary and fallopian tube. She barely had a scar and recovery was relatively quick. She had been back at work within a week even with the course of chemotherapy on-going she had insisted at going back to work.

But the chemotherapy wasn't as easy as she had suspected. In fact, it was worse than any of the symptoms she had had before. She was completely bone tired, pale and drawn, she couldn't eat or sleep. It completely drained her body of every bit of life she had left and she was forced to relent and take some time off work.

She had worked at that lab for over 15 years and in all that time she had taken only 3 days sickness leave. It raised a few eyebrows when she was ushered out of the building by James, a shadow of the woman she had once been. Trembling and ghost like as she struggled to keep her eyes open. It was then he had come up with his plan. If they knew, if they suspected they didn't say anything. He arranged it all and presented her with the itinerary only 2 weeks before.

It should have been a romantic gesture but in truth she was still his little secret. He would still sneak out of his marital bed every other night to appear at her door. His toothbrush may have sat in a glass on her cabinet but she would stare at it every morning as she stood before the mirror on her own wondering why she let him use her like that. Wondering why she lowered herself to becoming her boss' plaything. She felt dirty and empty and when he had driven her to the airport for her flight she had told him as much.

Illness like that put things into perspective; life was far too short to be tangled up in a situation like that. She was either worth it or she wasn't it was as simple as that. Her parting words to him were an ultimatum. He had to make a decision either way or she would do it for him.

Turns out that subconsciously she had already made that decision.

Before she had flown out Dr. Williams had delivered some bad news. Her cancer had spread and it was aggressive. She would need another op, another course of chemo and probably another unforgiving stretch of alone time at home away from the sanctuary of the morgue.

She had stared at the MRI image, stared at it for an endless amount of time. That dark mass on the image symbolised the time she had left. Time to enjoy life for once instead of locking herself away in a darkened room.

"I don't want the treatment Doctor"

He had seemed completely confused by the concept. As though no one had ever refused treatment before.

"Carey, if we don't tackle this soon… it will take your life. We can stop it, for a while at least. Please reconsider"

She stared at the image again, stared at the waiting room full of concerned loved ones and friends. Full of people fighting this terrible disease with every breath they had. There was no one waiting for her, she didn't have the energy to fight. She didn't have a reason to.

"I don't want any more treatment, I'm sorry"

Stepping out of the surgery she felt a sense of relief. The first time she had felt that kind of freedom in her entire life and she needed to be free from another constraint on her life too.

She should have known losing her case was an omen; things were never straightforward for her. Nothing ever just went to plan. Like meeting Nick for instance, she had told herself to keep her distance, warned herself off of him but she enjoyed his company an immense amount. The conversation was comfortable and easy, he was kind and gentle. Nick stokes had something special.

Yet, she still tried to push him away. She should have avoided him. She should have kept her distance for the rest of the week. It would have been easy. She could have integrated into another group; she could have spent the week on her own. But Nick was so sweet, when she had stepped into the conference hall she had fully intended to sit as far away from him as humanly possible. Was it fate that he was just standing there waiting for her?

Then she began to wonder why she always seemed to attract the 'no strings attached' kind of guys. Sure, it was some sort of nice gesture on his part but she began to suspect she had an aura on non-commitment around her. Their little run in with Allan had reminded her of her own mortality. As fragile as it was she wanted to enjoy what life she had left. The Dr was reluctant to put a time scale on it but the fact remained that she was allowing her conscience to prevent her from living once again.

His lips tasted of coffee and fruit cake, an unusual combination but a heavenly embrace. She didn't think she had ever been kissed that way before; she melted into his arms and forgot about everything for a few moments. She didn't ever want him to stop kissing her. That's when she was lost to him; she got carried away in the romance almost forgetting entirely about her secret.

Grissom was right he had to know. He had to know before they got more involved. They had accidentally created a relationship and it was beautiful but it was useless. The most beautiful relationship in the world couldn't cheat death. The truth was she had intended to have some fun with Nick and never see him again. She intended to say goodbye to him at the airport and go back to her hollow empty life. At this present moment saying goodbye to him seemed like the most difficult thing in the world.

Night was falling and people were filtering into their beds in silence. She had been quiet all afternoon, debating how to tell him. She had yet to actually say the words out loud, as though speaking them would automatically make it true. Maybe if she said the words they would stop swimming through her brain. Maybe if she actually said the words she might believe how sick she really was.

She played with the sentence in her mind.

"_I've got cancer"_

It seemed easy enough, 3 simple words and a weight would be lifted from her shoulders. 3 simple words and he would either hold her in his arms until the tears stopped or run a million miles. She wasn't very sure which one would have been better.

She watched as he slipped his glasses off and placed them on their makeshift bedside table with his book. His smile wrinkling the corners of his eyes as he slipped down into the bed beside her. His hand slid from her shoulder to her hip, his thumb massaging the crook of her groin and she forgot everything she had just decided. She forgot every word, when his arms were around her all she could feel was that. The pain in her back, the ache in her head were completely obsolete, the only thing she could feel was her heart racing as his lips gently pinched the skin of her neck.

She shifted in the bed so that her body was pressed against his, fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw. She was never a fan of spooning; she preferred her space in bed. Hence why her massive bed was almost always occupied by her and her only. Somehow it felt right to be cuddled up to him, to be grateful for his affection and protection. His thumb continued to caress the inside of her thigh, a tingle was worming its way through her body. His spare hand pressed on her lower abdomen pushing her into his groin and telling her exactly what he had in mind.

"Not here Nicky, everyone will see"

His breath tickled her ear as he leaned in closer, his hand leaving her hip to caress her cheek.

"No one will see, I promise"

It barely even qualified as a whisper as she met his eye and kissed his lips.

"I trust you"

He didn't shift her position at all, simply flattened his hand on her stomach to arch her back to him and slid inside her with little effort. She gasped at the unexpected penetration, he as deep inside her, a little uncomfortable at first but it soon left her gasping for air as she desperately held back the noises bubbling in her throat. He moved so slowly she could feel every stroke, every movement touching all the right places. Her muscles involuntarily clamping around him forming a tight knot of anticipation. She hazarded a quick glance around to Sara and Grissom; they were only a few feet away. If they sensed anything was going on they didn't show it. Sara slept soundly with her back to them, her arm draped around her husband's waist as he studied his book in the dim light provided by his torch. She realised that if he was to merely look up from his book he would see Nick's movements under their sheets. Her heart skipped and turned at the sheer danger of it.

Nick didn't seem to mind, he nuzzled into her neck a low growl escaping his lips onto her skin. The tingle spread over her whole body and she began to shake and tremble in his arms. His rhythm sped up ever so slightly, his hand steering her body to his with every thrust. She just couldn't hold it in anymore, her body was reaching a pinnacle, a crescendo and she held her breath to fight it off. Finally breathing his name into the pillow with agonising control as she shuddered and bucked involuntarily; her body beaded with sweat. He released inside her, burying his face into her hair and pulling her in so close she thought she might melt into him completely.

They both turned to glimpse at Grissom, his nose still buried into his book. No wiser to the very public sex they had just had than his wife was. Then he whispered into her ear, something that almost made her heart stop. Simple words, easy words that should have brought her to tears. Should have made her throw her arms around him and beg for a replay. Instead he said the last words she needed to hear at that moment.

"I think I might be falling in love with you"


	12. Chapter 12

The lights were dimmed and Sara slept soundly by his side. Usually he would be curled up beside her but he felt uncomfortable sleeping in this large room full of people. Especially when it was on a ridiculously small and uncomfortable camp bed. He was glad he had the tenacity to bring his book with him this morning. How on earth he would have amused himself without it he couldn't even begin to fathom. He may have resorted to people watching with Sara.

He would rather not watch people; in fact he was actively trying not to watch people at that precise moment. There were things going on in the bed beside him he didn't even want to consider. He kept his focus firmly fixed on the text in his book and tried to ignore the rest of the room. People had an irritating habit of coughing or sniffing or breathing particularly loudly when a room was all quiet. There was one thing Gil Grissom could not stand and that was snoring. He could hear someone on the other side of the room letting out a gentle snort every 2 or 3 breaths. He wasn't even trying to sleep but it was irritating him immensely. So much so that every time he heard that noise he would feel a shiver of anger up and down his spine.

He hoped this quarantine wouldn't last long. He desperately wanted to treat his wife to a proper honeymoon. He wanted to take her to Paris, to see the Eiffel tower sparkle with a million lights or cruise along the seine. He had already booked the tickets, they left in 3 days. Or they should leave in 3 days, as long as no-one got sick they would be home free.

Almost the second he formed that thought the person snoring began to choke. They were coughing and spluttering and suddenly started to vomit. He was glad they were on opposite sides of the room but the young man looked very poorly. His skin was pale and glistening with sweat as the hazmat men ushered him to the other side of the room as a matter of urgency. In this case people watching was necessary. Grissom laid down his book and peered over the rim of his glasses to watch them with interest.

As he watched he was aware of Nick and Carey having a heated, yet whispered, conversation before Nick took off in the direction of the bathroom. He wondered if Carey had finally told him. His mind was now engaged in a debate. Should he go after Nick and find out what was going on or should he be watching hazmat in their on-going assault of the sick man?

When Carey sat up in the bed and curled her legs to her knees just like Sara did when she was upset he decided his friend should take priority. He slipped out of Sara's embrace and followed Nick to the bathroom, pausing to be questioned by a hazmat man who was obviously very tired and cranky. Either that or he took his job far too seriously.

Nick was standing in the bathroom staring into the mirror. His fists pressed hard against the washbasin and his jaw was clenched. He was clearly very angry about something, so angry he didn't see Grissom enter the room.

"What's going on Nick?"

The tension and anger radiating from him was quite intimidating. It had been a long time since he had seen Nick so wound up.

"Nothing, it's nothing. Did she send you in here?"

"Carey? No, I don't even think she knows I've gone. She seemed a little upset"

"I … I can't figure her out Grissom."

"No man can figure women out Nick; they are one of life's great mysteries. I don't even think women can figure themselves out a lot of the time"

He let out an exasperated sigh. If nothing else Grissom had managed to calm him down. The temptation to tell him what he knew was burning a hole in his brain, if he wanted to keep quiet he needed to change the subject but Nick wouldn't entertain any other subject.

"You know, I think when this is all over she'll just disappear out of my life and I'll never see her again"

"You couldn't just accept that Nick? Maybe it's for the best"

"Could you accept it if it was Sara? Could you just let her walk away?"

He didn't need to answer that. Nick already knew that he had tried to let Sara walk away. He had tried to give her the freedom and space she needed but he had gone to her in the end. He couldn't live without her, couldn't imagine even trying.

"I know she's hiding something. Am I going to get home and find out she has a whole family waiting for her or something?"

"It's not what you think, you should speak to her"

"You know? Great, so she tells a complete stranger but didn't think to tell me?"

He tried to tell him how he knew, tried to calm him down and explain but he was seething and humiliated. He wouldn't listen. He kicked a cubicle door before he marched out of the bathroom and smacked right into Sara on her way to the ladies. When Grissom came to the door chasing Nick she seemed shocked to see him there but the shock was soon transformed to something entirely different. She looked into his eyes and walked towards him with a seductive smile, meeting his lips with hers as she pushed him back into the bathroom.

"I wondered where you got to"

"This is the men's room Sara"

"You know, it is technically our honeymoon. And I've never done it in the men's room before"

Her hands snaked around his body, rendering him completely helpless. The fact they were in a public restroom completely left his mind as he showered her body with soft sensual kisses. She hummed under her breath as his hands skimmed her bare skin. In one swift movement she had pulled him into a cubicle, removed his pants and closed the door behind them. there was something about the way she loved to tease him that always drove him crazy. she would look at him with that special glint in her eye and that enticing half smile and he couldn't resist. he wondered how he had ever managed to control himself for all those years before they had consummated their relationship. while he found it hard to resist, he didn't find it impossible and a men's bathroom in a quarantine zone was not what he had in mind for his new wife.

"This isn't the most romantic setting for honeymoon sex Sara"

"Lucky I'm not fussy then isn't it?"

she moved her hands expertly stroking him until he was shuddering with anticipation. he pulled her towards him meeting her lips with renewed passion and urgency. he liked to tease too, his fingers danced around the most sensitive area's of her body. brushing over her skin like a feather, sending shivers from her head to her toes. she breathed onto his neck as her nails gently stroked his muscular back.

"I need you now, Gil"

"Sara, I don't know about this"

he looked into her eyes, her deep chocolatey eyes pleading with him. begging him to satisfy her. she was trembling already, her body responsive to his every touch and whisper. his conscience wrestled with the doubt he felt and the animalistic urge to ravage her right there and then without a second thought. in the end the decision was taken out of his hands by a huge commotion in the hall. he could hear people shouting and running around past the door. there was a clatter that sounded like metal hitting the floor and someone burst into the next cubicle, vomitting violently.

their desire was forgotten in that instant. their clothes hastily replaced as they ventured out of the bathroom to survey the hall.

4 hazmat suits stood over a bed close to where they had set up their little camp. a man lay on the bed seizing they took cautious steps towards the area they could see he was completely covered in angry red spots. his eyes were rolling around in his head and the whites were tainted with blood as he wheezed and gargled the fluid in his lungs. they had tried to fit an IV line, it lay discarded on the floor. that must have been what the clatter was.

"hemorrhagic rash..."

Grissom spoke to no-one in particular, he was merely observing the situation.

"Gil, isn't that more of a symptom of Ebola then Lassa Fever?"

Grissom nodded, he couldn't take his eyes of the man bucking about on the bed and gasping for air. he was fighting for his life, that observation didn't need to be spoken out loud. the fact was if they were dealing with Ebola than they were all in very real trouble of suffering the same fate.

* * *

><p><strong>an: I felt the need for a little bit of GSR time, they were beginning to feel a bit pointless in this story. next chapter should be up soon, its a good'un xx**


	13. Chapter 13

Nick was really seething when he left the bathroom. Under normal circumstances he would have went for a walk. Breathed in the crisp, fresh Hawaiian air and calmed down before returning to speak with her calmly. He would maybe have gone to the gym and attacked the punch bag or pounded the treadmill for a while. He couldn't go to her like this, he felt like punching the wall, like throwing some things around and getting out all his pent up aggression properly.

He wasn't sure how to address the issue at all. He took a sharp left when he left the bathroom, smacking right into Sara. He muttered sorry under his breath before marching to the far end of the huge conference hall.

About as far away from Carey as he could get.

He was beginning to wish he had mingled a little. He had spent all his time seducing a woman and failed to make any new acquaintances on his trip. He looked around at the sleeping bodies and bored faces and wished he had met just one of them. Just one person who he could sit with and talk about nothing until he was ready to see her again.

Instead he paced. Up and down along a big row of windows that faced out onto the beach and the beautiful sparkling ocean. He had no idea why he was letting it get to him so much, he had offered to be just a holiday fling after all. He had sort of hoped that with the right kind of encouragement she could have been convinced.

He took a deep breath and decided just to go and have it out with her. He was never going to get anywhere by being mad at her.

She was sleeping when he approached their corner of the room, curled up in a corner of the bed. He almost forgot why he was there as he watched her sleep. She was so beautiful, so peaceful she entranced him. He sat down beside her tentatively, resting one hand on her hip. He actually felt guilty for being so angry with her.

There was a lot of noise coming from a bed on the other side of the surgical screen. He couldn't see what was happening but there was a lot of shouting and running back and forth. He could hear people retching and someone bucking about on a bed.

Stepping off the bed to peer around the screen he was met with a horrific sight. The man on the bed seizing was covered in dark red welts, his eyes were bloodshot and he had foam coming out of his mouth. The hazmat men tried to hold him down, they were spraying him with disinfectant and attempting to move him from the bed while he continued to fit. His AV line clattered to the floor causing many more curious eyes to appear, staring at the man from all around the room.

Grissom and Sara appeared at the bathroom door, dishevelled and flustered. Their expressions changed quickly from curiosity to fear as the man stopped his movement and fell heavily onto the bed. It was almost as though he had deflated. His once tense muscles relaxing and causing him to flop lifelessly on the bed wheezing and sweating.

Carey was still asleep when he turned back to her, it struck him as unusual. The noise in the room should have woken up even a heavy sleeper. He sat back down beside her and gently brushed some hair from her face. He pulled his hand away as fast as he could.

She was hot, really unbelievably hot. So hot he thought he might have burned his hand from the contact with her. He was beginning to feel a sense of dread as he moved the blankets from her shoulders to cool her down. The heat radiating from her was intense but her hands felt ice cold and she shivered as her skin was exposed.

"Carey?"

She mumbled but didn't wake; At least she was almost responsive. Grissom and Sara were approaching as he tried to pull off the oversized shirt she was wearing as bedclothes.

"You might want to wait till she wakes up Romeo!"

Sara's smile soon faded when she noticed how limp her body was. Her head flopped back in his arms as he raised her from the bed to remove the shirt, her arms hanging like dead weights by her sides. She was breathing quickly, her heart racing so fast he could feel her blood pulsing in her veins.

"Sara, she's sick. I have to cool her down"

Grissom took control immediately, sending Sara to fetch a wet cloth and helping Nick to undress her. the shirt was discarded leaving her in only her underwear and she was still radiating heat.

"We'll have to tell them Nick; she'll have to be moved"

He knew it was true, he knew that for everyone's protection she needed to be in one of the sealed beds. She needed medical attention, and fast. He had expected the illness to creep up on them, not pounce on them so quickly. Sara handed him a cold wet cloth and he mopped her brow and face gently, rousing her slightly from her deep sleep.

"Nicky?" she breathed.

She was clearly very weak and tired. He stroked her hair and patted her chest with the cloth.

"I'm sick Nicky"

"I know you are its fine. We'll get you better ok? Just rest"

Sara and Grissom sat on their bed watching as he gathered her into his arms. Her head nuzzled into his shoulder as he stood and made his way to the dreaded quarantine pods.

"I'm really sick Nicky, I'm sorry"

"You'll be fine, I promise. I'll take care of you"

"I've got Cancer"

He stopped in his tracks. Unsure if he had heard her right, unsure if she was even aware of what she was saying. She was snoozing on his shoulder, exhausted and still burning hot. He decided he could wait to find out. He moved to a vacant bed and placed her down on the white sheet carefully. Her hand stroked his cheek as he moved away from her slowly.

"I'm sorry"

The hazmat men were pulling him out of her solitary confinement, they wouldn't listen to his protests. He was moved to the decontamination chamber and showered in disinfectant. It smelled and tasted vile. His mouth was swabbed and a blood test taken before he was allowed to return to his friends. His mind was running through what had just happened, he was trying to rationalise it. Trying to put it down to a fever induced hallucination or a misunderstanding but deep down he knew it was true.

He sat on his bed with a sigh. If it was true then she was certainly immunosuppressed, she was always going to get sick.

"She says she has Cancer, is that right?"

Grissom turned to Sara and then back to him. Laying his book on his lap and removing his glasses.

"She had level 3 Ovarian Cancer, she had an operation 8 months ago but it has spread"

Nick nodded as he considered this, that's what she had been keeping from him. That was her big secret.

"Why didn't she just tell me?"

Sara sat up on the bed and turned to look at him. She understood where Carey was coming from. She knew how hard it was to open up to someone about something that hard, she knew what it was like to feel like your life wasn't worth it.

"She refused treatment Nick, she's not fighting it. Carey's dying"


	14. Chapter 14

Nick didn't cope very well with this information. In fact he didn't cope with it at all; he had to be physically restrained by the hazmat team to stop him going to her bedside. Sara had expected Grissom to go after him, expected him to offer some pearls of wisdom or one of his famous quotes but instead he picked up his book and went back to reading.

"Gil, don't you think you should maybe help Nick out?"

He raised his eyes to watch Nick arguing with the Hazmat man. Nicks rages were always short lived. He had too much compassion to be angry all the time, eventually he would calm down and come to his own conclusion about it. Quite often he was right, quite often he got so far into the psyche of the victim Grissom would have to rein him back slightly. He was similar to Sara in that respect. But he was tired and his head hurt, he felt hot and lethargic he didn't want to be fighting with people today.

"He'll be fine"

She rolled her eyes at him, not that he noticed. He was once more consumed in a book. A book he had probably already devoured many times before. She left his side and approached her friend with an aggressive stride. She stood directly in front of the hazmat man and placed her hand on Nick's shoulder.

"Let's go for a walk Nicky"

He drew his eyes off the hazmat man as they walked away. His aggression had subsided but he was still feeling hurt and angry. He was confused by Carey's logic, it would never occur to him to just allow something like that take your life. It would never enter his mind to just accept that as your fate and continue as normal.

"You got to calm down Nicky; you're going to get in trouble"

"What are they going to do Sara? Strap me to a bed; it would probably be more fun than this anyway"

She tried to stifle her smile. She was attempting to calm him down not encourage him.

They walked along the outer wall of the conference hall, passing people in various states of boredom. Some reading, some drawing, some just twiddling their thumbs or chatting with whoever was near them. She wished they had had the foresight to bring the laptop with them. It sat un-used in the other side of the conference hall.

They reached the dividing wall and peered through. The hazmat men had put up a double sealed corridor with a decontamination chamber inside but they could still see through to the other room. People were starting to filter out; they must have been given the all clear and released into the hotel. She envied them; she would give anything to feel the breeze on her skin again. She was beginning to feel a little stir crazy. Looking at the same walls for so long, living with the same people for so long was beginning to wear her down.

"How did you know? About Carey"

"It was in a book, the PA gave it to Grissom"

He nodded; he remembered the book she was talking about, remembered the tiny woman scribbling as fast as she could. There were probably all sorts of things contained in those pages.

"Do you think she'll die?"

She was momentarily stunned by the question. Nick was an intelligent man, he knew enough about Cancer and about diseases to know that the odds weren't in her favour.

"I don't know Nick. I hope not"

"Those other guys died, they couldn't fight it, how's she supposed to when she doesn't even want to live?"

"Well… I think she does now"

They continued walking, their tour of the hall almost gone full circle. They were approaching their corner of the hall; Grissom was seated on the edge of the bed with his back to them. His head bowed into his book. Nick was curious about her gossip book.

"So, is there anything in that book about me?"

Her smile was wide and teasing but she didn't divulge any information. That suggested there was quite a lot of information about him in the book.

"Ok where is it? I want to see!"

"You can't see, it's private"

"Well I'll just read my page… and Carey's"

Sara knew that was a bad idea. There were things contained on those pages he still didn't know about Carey and would no doubt not want to know either.

"No way Nicky, it's out of bounds and besides Gil won't even let me read it"

She sat down smiling on the bed and placed her hand on Grissom's shoulder. He slumped lifelessly to the floor. His book and glasses sliding along the shiny floor.

Nick was by his side immediately, turning him onto his back and calling his name. For a professional woman she was surprised to find she was momentarily stunned, rooted to the spot and she had no idea what to do with herself.

When she looked at him she could feel her breathing speed up and her heart dropped. He was unbelievably pale, his lips cracked and dry. He was breathing but it was really fast and sweat beaded on his brow and ran down his face. How had she not spotted this earlier?

They were surrounded by hazmat men; they quickly removed him from their area and moved him to a sealed bed. Sara was still sat on the bed staring after him in shock as the hazmat men worked on hooking her husband up to IV lines and machines. Nick turned back to her; Grissom getting sick had been completely unexpected.

"Hey Sara, you ok?"

She looked at him bewildered, as though she was completely confused by the whole situation.

"Sara? He'll be ok, Grissom's tough as nails"

She thought about this for a few long moments, she could only remember one time in their entire relationship that Grissom had been sick. One time in 10 years and he was just as vulnerable as anyone else. He may be tough as nails and completely determined but he had no control over his body's internal fight.

Nobody did.


	15. Chapter 15

Sara nervously approached the row of quarantine beds. They were filling up rapidly, people in varying stages of illness confined to their little bubbles and hooked up to machines. It was harrowing to see. The hazmat team were not pleased with her presence, Grissom had been in his bubble for 2 days and she had yet to lay eyes on him yet. Even if it meant getting sick she would be seeing her husband today. They approached her almost as soon as she started walking and steered her away from the area, she didn't listen to them, didn't follow them or even acknowledge them.

When Sara set her mind on something nothing could stop her.

She had almost reached her destination, she was peering in at the beds hopefully, searching for him when a hazmat man grabbed her firmly by the shoulders and turned her right round to look at him.

"Miss you cannot be in this area, it is sealed for a reason"

Sara regarded him carefully; she could tell from his demeanour that he was a professional. Probably a doctor or a professor which suggested he was knowledgeable in this field. The other hazmat suits kept their distance from him which suggested he was their superior and he didn't appear to have any restrictions on where he could go which suggested he was in charge.

"I want to know what's going on. My husband was brought in as a replacement host for this conference and now he has been removed from me and no-one appears to know what's happening"

The man guided her away from the area and gestured for her to sit on an uncomfortable plastic chair by the wall. She could tell he was moving her away to have a conversation with her rather than for the specific reason of getting her out of the way.

"I'm sorry you have been treated that way. We suspected that the infection may have been more serious than Lassa fever..."

Sara's mind cast back to the man on the bed beside Carey, his symptoms had her suspecting something a little more serious too.

"Ebola Virus? But they wouldn't recover from that"

"You're right, mortality rates are around 70%"

Sara felt like her heart stopped beating, her head spun and her breathing quickened as the information filtered into her brain.

"Has it been confirmed?"

"The ELISSA test was inconclusive. We have to retest all of the patients who are sick which means that for the time being it's important for you to stay away from this area"

Sara could feel fear well up inside her, Lassa fever was a relatively easily treated disease but Ebola virus was not.

"Where did this even come from, I thought these were specifically African diseases?"

"Dr Gough had sent time in Africa directly before coming to Hawaii; we are currently tracing anyone who shared a flight with him as a precaution"

Sara took a deep breath and exhaled as slowly as she could manage. This was a lot of information to absorb in a short time. Especially when it related to her husband. She glanced over at Nick sitting on the edge of his bed. He was fidgeting and agitated waiting for her to come back with her verdict and some information.

"There's a woman who was with us. Carey Lewis? She got sick a little before Grissom did. I think you should probably know she is suffering from Cancer"

The man looked genuinely surprised, she suspected that they had made the decision to treat everyone with Saline and a mass antibiotic on the assumption that everyone would be tolerant.

"Does she have meds?"

Sara shook her head sadly as she peered at the eerie line of enclosed beds in an attempt to catch a glimpse of her.

"She refused treatment but I guess she will probably get sicker than most"

"If she is immunosuppressed she's lucky she's still alive. I'll take a look at her myself"

The conversation appeared to be over; the man stood from his chair and offered her his huge gloved hand.

"Thank you, I'll try to keep you informed. We'll be opening up the other side of the room shortly. You will have a bit more space. We'll probably need more quarantine pods anyway as it goes."

He shook her hand before turning and making his way to the beds. She watched him converse with another hazmat man before striding to the third bed in the row. As he slipped the plastic to one side she caught a glimpse of Carey on her bed. She was still unconscious, her skin grey and soaked with sweat. She looked like she had rapidly lost weight and her hair clung limply to her face like the clinging tendrils of a vine. Sara shuddered at the image, she looked like a person moments from death and it almost hurt to have witnessed it.

As she moved slowly back to their corner she wondered what she was going to tell Nick. She thought about how she would feel if it was the other way around and how she would react if someone had told her about Grissom in such circumstances. She knew she would have gone to him, no matter what the cost. She wasn't sure she could let Nick take that risk.

He barely knew this girl, she probably knew more about Carey's life from reading a page in a book than he did. She disliked the fact that Carey had been keeping things from him, it was no way to begin a relationship and a sure fire way to end one. The question also remained over whether Sara should be contacting Carey's 'boss' about the fact that she was holed up in an isolation bed with a slim chance of surviving long enough to fight her cancer. This girl had created a whole lot of drama, Sara wasn't sure she was ready to be sucked into it.

Nick approached her eagerly before she made it to the bed beside him.

"What did that guy say? Did you see Grissom?"

Sara shook her head and continued walking until she was able to sit down on the bed. Boredom already had her bone tired; she had even resorted to reading Grissom's book. Every night when Nick fell asleep she would reach under the mattress and read some more pages of the PA's book. It took all her willpower not to skip to the page titled 'Nick Stokes' but she needed something to look forward to.

"They're not too sure what they're dealing with yet. The tests were inconclusive"

"What does that mean?"

"It means we have to wait even longer until we're allowed out of here. But they are opening up the other room"

"And what about Carey and Grissom?"

She looked at him for a prolonged moment, the worry told all over his face and he wasn't only worried for Carey. He was worried for Grissom and he was worried for her too.

"I didn't see them"


	16. Chapter 16

When Sara was bored she read, she was blessed with the ability to read and reread books over and over without getting distracted or bored. Every time she read a book again it meant something different to her or she noticed something she hadn't noticed to begin with. Since the quarantine started she had taken to reading Grissom's current novel; Solar by Ian McEwan. It wasn't his usual kind of fare, being a political fiction however it did entertain her through the long days and nights without his embrace to keep her company.

Nick did not have such a distraction, he had a balled up clod of paper which he tossed up and down over his head. Over and over for hours on end before he would finally get exasperated and curled into his bed.

"This sucks, you got anything I can read?"

Sara looked up from her book with surprise, she didn't have Nick pegged for a reader. She nudged her head towards a small box under the bed; it was filled with books and papers.

Nick crouched down beside her feet to dig through the books; his eyes fell immediately onto the tattered cover of the PA's book. It stood out from all the rest, while they were all well used Grissom respected his books and they were all cared for. This book was positively falling apart at the seams. Pages had been folded down and curled; some were torn out and discoloured. It had not been cared for at all, but then reference materials very rarely were. He wondered for a few moments if he could get away with slipping it out of the box without her noticing. He felt sure she would cast her eye over whatever his choice was. She wasn't nosey as such, more curious.

He was half tempted to slip it inside one of Grissom's huge entomology textbooks; it would fit neatly inside the pages. Like when he was a kid and he would hide his comic book inside his maths homework. His master plan seemed complete as he opened the pages of the textbook as sneakily as he could manage; he was just about to retreat back to his bed with his stash when the hazmat supervisor Sara had been speaking to approached them. Nick dropped the books as he stood to greet him. There was a sense of urgency in his pace that worried him, and obviously Sara too as she stood by his side.

"Mrs Grissom? Hi, I wondered if you were able to contact a next of kin for Miss Lewis. There's nothing in her file"

Sara exchanged a look with Nick before bending to fetch the book from the box. If she noticed it was nestled amongst the pages of a textbook she didn't say anything. She flipped through the pages before sighing and glancing towards Nick.

"It says in here a James Dempsey is the closest she has to next of kin"

Nick recognised the name from Carey's phone, he had almost forgotten about the strange conversation he had had with him.

"I've spoken to him on the phone, that's her boss. She hates that guy"

Sara cleared her throat before addressing the supervisor again. She recognised the name too but it wasn't from a conversation on a cell phone. Mr Dempsey featured on Carey's page of the notebook more than once, and none of it was good.

"Do you mind us asking why you need him? We could act as he next of kin in his absence"

He held a clipboard in his hands and looked between the two of them with a measured amount of curiosity.

"Carey is very sick, she needs a blood transfusion but we need permission for that. You know I can't just have strangers signing off on blood product on her behalf"

Nick took off marching towards the row of beds full of purpose and concern as Sara turned her attentions back to the supervisor with a roll of her eyes.

"Nick… Nick's sort of in a relationship with Carey. Is that enough to have him sign for her?"

He was arguing animatedly with three of the hazmat men, she could understand why he was so keen to be close to her. She would be the same of course; she would do anything to be able to go to her husband right now.

"It's good enough for me"

He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder but her eyes were fixed on the beds, she was trying to catch a glimpse of her husband. Part of her didn't want to see him; part of her knew that she would break down if she saw him looking as poorly as Carey had.

"Dr Grissom is doing just fine. He should make a full recovery. Try not to worry"

He was steering her towards Nick and his party of Hazmat men. His arguments of course fell on deaf ears until Sara arrived with the supervisor. He waved the other men away and spoke to Nick calmly.

"I will let you see her before you move into the other room but I want you to be prepared for what you'll see. She is gravely ill; if she is even conscious she probably won't recognise you and you must not open the plastic so you cannot touch her. Ok?"

Nick nodded; all he wanted was to see her again. To assure himself that she was still alive. The hazmat man handed him the clipboard and a pen before they made another move. Nick was momentarily confused until the man nodded at him and he saw Sara chewing on her lip. He signed his name on the form allowing them to take any reasonable measure to keep her alive.

They took a few hasty nervous steps towards the row of beds, Hazmat man pointed Sara towards a bed a few steps away and she broke off from the group to gaze through the cloudy plastic prison her husband was being held in. he was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, Sara found it amusing to see him so very bored. He would hate being trapped in there, he hated anything that stopped him from moving or learning or teaching. His body could be still but his mind always had to be active. He spied her almost immediately and stood up to stand beside her. The plastic separated them but as often happened over the years their eyes spoke volumes.

Nick's encounter with Carey was an entirely different experience. Hazmat man accompanied him every step of the way. He was clearly worried that Nick wouldn't be able to control his urge to go to her and penetrate the plastic bubble. Nick's heart was thundering in his chest as his eyes adjusted to the plastic around her and he began to make out shapes and machines.

He could see her dark hair fanned out around her head on the pillow. Her eyes were clamped shut and a huge oxygen tube thrust down her throat. Her lips looked incredibly dry which was strange considering that her skin glistened with sweat. She was still shivering every few seconds, her arms littered with tubes and her chest covered in monitoring patches. She was grey and flat looking, he almost couldn't bear to look at her. He spotted the red blistered rash covering her hands immediately. It looked angry and painful but he was sure that in the jungle of IV stands around her there was pain medication somewhere.

"Will she live with the blood transfusion?"

He was almost pleading with the hazmat man for reassurances; he turned away from her with glistening eyes as Sara joined him sadly.

"I can't promise you that sir"


	17. Chapter 17

Anyone who was deemed 'uninfected' was moved into the other room. While Sara and Nick had both voiced their protests they were grateful for a change of scenery and a little more freedom. They were by no means dipping their toes in the pool but the twice daily temperature and symptoms check would not be missed by either of them.

Sara headed straight for Grissom's Laptop in a box by the small stage. The Hazmat man had confirmed diagnosis with her on their way out of the room and her mission was now to learn as much as she could about Lassa fever. While she generally avoided Google for diagnosis purposes she knew it would probably be the quickest way to get a rough outline of the disease.

The computer hummed to life and she stared at the screen as it ran through the start-up programme. Nick was stood at the edge of the stage, just standing there looking around at the people as they set up home in their new room. They only had to stay for another 2 days. After that they were free to go and get on with whatever they needed to get on with.

"Hey Nicky? … You ok?"

Maybe it was a stupid question in the circumstances and he looked at her as though he hadn't realised she was right there. There was something really off with him and it didn't sit well with her. She sighed and closed the lid of the laptop over, diagnosis could wait. She rooted about in Grissom's box and pulled out two things; a bag of sweets and a word game called Logo's. It had been a firm favourite in their household for many years and had been the source of a lot of frustration for Grissom and amusement for Sara. Now was the time to introduce Nick.

"Wanna play? I got candy too. It's Grissom's really but he won't mind"

Nick joined her on the stage; they sat across from each other cross legged like 5 year olds. Sara outlined the rules and they started to play. She wouldn't be boasting by assuming she would win easily. She had ulterior motives. A few turns into the game she gazed up to study him carefully. She wasn't sure she had ever seen her friend looking so terribly stressed.

"What is it about this girl Nicky? She can't be that great?"

He at least thought it over before answering her, his jaw clenched in a straight line and his eyes gazing off into the distance as he went deep into his thoughts.

"I don't know Sara, she got under my skin. Haven't you ever just met someone and knew, just _knew_, that they were meant for you?"

She thought back to her very first meeting with Grissom. She had indeed known then what she still knew now. She wasn't entirely sure that he had felt the same way but within a few days, a few hours of meeting him she knew somehow that he was the person she would spend the rest of her life with. The fact that it took so long for him to figure it out was irrelevant.

"I guess I do"

He laid out his tiles, she wondered momentarily whether he had just opened up his soul just so that he could top her score but soon scrubbed the notion from her mind to lurch into the lead.

"You know she told me to keep my distance, she didn't want me to get involved. Do you think that's still what she wants?"

Sara didn't really know what to say to that. A part of her wanted him to let this one go, she wanted him to step away from Carey and move on. But the truth was she saw the same thing in Carey's eyes as she saw in his. They had a sort of longing, a yearning expression towards each other. She knew that they were both fighting with their emotions; they both had similar doubts and longings.

"No, I think she's scared."

He took a deep breath and gazed around the room. She wasn't the only one who was scared. He made a marked effort not to lay his heart on the line. It seemed like every time he got close to someone fate stepped in to take it away from him. Every time he found a little bit of happiness it was torn away leaving him vulnerable and alone. He had spent the best part of 10 years avoiding that kind of intimacy with another person. One night stands or mindless affairs were enough for him normally, he was good at keeping his distance. He could detach his emotions quite easily under normal circumstances.

"I think you two still have a lot to discuss thought Nick, if you're going to continue this back in Vegas"

He had never thought that far ahead, when he promised Carey a no strings attached affair he had resigned himself to the fact that it would end at the airport. He wasn't even sure she would make it that far but now Sara had planted a seed and it grew and flourished. He could picture a life with her back home. He could picture waking up beside her or bringing her coffee on her mornings off work. He could quite easily slip into a kind of coupley lifestyle.

He was willing to bet she didn't picture the same things; he had never discussed their 'real' lives with her. He actually knew very little about her in the grand scheme of things apart from where she worked and that her boss was a tool.

"What's in the book Sara?"

She looked at him shaking her head, she was worried. He could tell that she really wanted to let him see it deep down; he just needed to find the right words to convince her.

"I can't tell you Nick, I'm sorry. You should speak to her"

"There's something bad in there isn't there?"

She chewed her lip and pretended to be really interested in her tiles but her hand was moving. She slipped the tatty book out of her bag and slid it along the stage towards him before meeting his eyes again.

"I can't tell you but that's not to say you didn't accidentally read it when I wasn't looking"

"Thank you"

He reached out to grab the book and she put her hand on his and met his eyes.

"Look, just make sure you don't take anything in there as gospel ok? … and wait till I'm not looking"

He nodded half to her and half to himself as he studied the tatty cover of the book and the yellowing curled corners of the pages. He couldn't quite believe he was actually going to read this mystery book.

Sara stood up with a wink and headed to the bathroom and Nick realised he had the opportunity to find out exactly what Sara was so worried about.

So why couldn't he bring himself to open the pages?


	18. Chapter 18

Sara loitered in the bathroom to give Nick enough time to absorb the information. She stared in the mirror and prepared herself for the inevitable discussion she would be having with him. She still hadn't had time to read up on Lassa fever. Grissom had appeared to be in fine health when she saw him; in fact he probably looked better than she did. Her skin was pale and her eyes looked dull. She wasn't used to looking at anaemic, tired Sara anymore; she thought she had left that person behind in Las Vegas. Her adventures had transformed her back into the vibrant, bronzed and happy person she had been before the bright lights and crime scene's had sucked her in. or was it an entirely different thing that had kept her in Vegas?

She decided to detour on her way back to Nick. She skirted around the edge of the room trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, the last thing she wanted to do right now was force small talk with her fellow prisoners. The huge opening between the rooms was still tented and sealed; their quiet little corner had been removed and replaced by another row of quarantine beds. It threw her off and she wasn't sure where she should be looking to see her husband anymore. Her eyes darted around at the beds trying to see through the thick plastic of each one.

Her heart flipped over and she gasped when she saw him outside of his bubble and walking towards her with a hazmat man. They were chatting casually as if it was the most natural thing in the world but it seemed completely improbable that Grissom was there, walking around, in front of her.

He shook hands with the hazmat man before approaching the doorway and being ushered through the procedure to enter the very room she was standing in. she wondered if she was dreaming as she watched him but he spotted her and smiled as he met her eyes and it took every ounce of her self-control not to throw herself at him there and then. He stepped through the doors and stood in front of her.

"Did you miss me, dear?"

Her ample reserves of control failed her in that moment as she threw her arms around him. She needed him then. She needed more than anything to feel his arms enclosing her in an embrace and his breath on her neck. She hadn't realised just how much she missed him, just how much she depended on these moments with him.

"You're out already? What did you bribe the guy?"

"Apparently I have a good strong immune system. They're not even sure I had the same infection as the others, it could be completely unrelated. I do have drugs to take for the next 10 days though"

He waved a small box around in front of him and looked around the room. It was set up a bit more haphazardly than the other one. Beds were dotted around sporadically; there was no real system or plan involved in the set up. As though someone had just threw some beds into a room and left them where they fell. He spotted Nick seated on the edge of the stage with a familiar book on his lap and a cell phone in his hands.

"You gave him the book?"

He was unhappy, she could tell by his tone and the way he looked at her. She didn't like when he used that tone, it had her on the defensive immediately even when she was perfectly justified or completely innocent.

"I did not; he must have found it when I was in the bathroom"

"Sara…"

"I didn't give it to him! I may have left it on the stage completely by accident. It's better that he reads it."

He seemed to consider this for a while as they slowly made their way across the room.

"How would you have liked it if I had read all about you?"

"You already knew everything about me"

"Yes, but I learned it all organically, by getting to know you. I didn't go and get your file and read up on you beforehand."

"You could have…"

"Yes, I could. And how would that have made you feel?"

"Point taken."

When they arrived at Nick's side he was speaking on the cell phone, the one sided conversation didn't reveal too much information. Sara listened carefully picking up bits and pieces from both Nick and the man on the end of the phone. It dawned on her that the conversation was about Carey, the man on the other end was most likely James and she held her breath awaiting fireworks.

There were none.

Nick was calm and controlled as he explained her condition and the path the medical team were taking with her. She could hear the man's voice becoming increasingly louder and high pitched, he was worried or scared for her. She was trying to remain impartial regarding his side of their relationship, she had the inside information but she had always prided herself on being non-judgemental. Nick signed off the phone call and turned his attention to Grissom.

"You're free to go?"

"I'm free to roam about with you guys, not quite free as a bird"

"It's good to see you."

Sara interjected, concerned slightly about the telephone call. By all rights there should have at least been some friction between the two men. If Nick had read about Carey's tumultuous relationship with James he would have been angry, and quite rightly so. He didn't seem to have any negative feelings towards this man at all and that struck her as odd.

"Was that Carey's cell you were on?"

Nick glanced over at the cell phone lying dejected on the stage beside the book.

"Uh, yeah. I figured her boss should know that she won't be back at work anytime soon"

Sara and Grissom exchanged looks; James was one of the only other people who knew how seriously ill Carey was. He surely wouldn't be expecting her back to work, whether she had contracted this virus or not.

"You didn't read the book?"

Nick quickly glanced at Grissom and then back to Sara.

"I couldn't do it. If there's anything I need to know I'd rather hear it from her"


	19. Chapter 19

Over the next couple of days more and more people joined them in the conference hall. The virus was finally beginning to dissipate and true to its description most people recovered from it quickly. According to the people who recovered there had only been two deaths in the quarantine area. Both older men with previous medical conditions.

This consoled Nick somewhat, although he was aware that Carey did have an underlying health issue it wasn't one that affected any vital organs, at least not yet. He had spent the past two days attempting to get some information from the hazmat men about her and taking a barrage of phone calls from James Dempsey. He called at least twice a day; Nick was beginning to get suspicious of his motives and had even purposefully ignored a few of his calls that day.

Grissom stood up on the stage and cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"We may as well make use of this time to get the conference finished"

The people started chattering among themselves as they gathered their notebooks and took up position in front of the stage as Grissom launched into his lesson with enthusiasm and gusto. Looking at him no one could guess he had been seriously ill just a few days ago. He had energy, enthusiasm and passion, like Nick remembered him many years ago when he first came to CSI. It was hard not to be inspired and empowered by it. He launched into his lesson at break neck speed, firing off facts and figures as though his mind was a never-ending catalogue of facts.

The hours passed quickly listening to Grissom; he had almost forgotten that they were under quarantine conditions. His notebook was filled with information and his mind was filled with facts, by the time their meal arrived they had covered over half of the conference. Grissom wrapped up the conference to a round of applause and joined Nick and Sara on the floor to retrieve their dinner.

"What culinary delight are we dining on tonight?"

Sara rolled her eyes, she had been living on Salads and cereals for the past week or so, while the restaurant in the hotel was superb the trolley of food they delivered every day to the conference hall left a lot to be desired. And they weren't big on vegetarian options either. She almost squealed with delight when the assistant opened the lid to reveal a steaming hot try of macaroni cheese.

"It's like all my Christmases have come at once" she said as she gratefully received her plate.

They sat together to eat and the conversation flowed easily, it was nice to have their company and their conversation to distract him. He couldn't help but let his thoughts drift to Carey in her sick bed, it didn't help that he was sitting across from a couple who were technically still on their honeymoon. While they could never be accused of being 'loved up' there was a certain level of innuendo and romance in everything they did. The little looks and subtle touches, they were probably invisible to other people but he noticed them. Whether that was because they were both very close friends of his or because he was watching for signs he wasn't sure but either way it was an aching reminder of what he was missing out on.

"I'll... uh… leave you two alone. I could do with a walk." He said as he slid his plate to the centre of the table.

He pushed his hands into his pockets with a sigh as he wandered around the room towards the tented opening between the rooms. He had made a habit of chatting to the Hazmat man stationed there at least twice a day, they had stuck up quite the camaraderie and he was thankful to have someone else to chat to.

"Hey Pete, how's it goin?"

"All quiet on this side. You ok? You seem a little down?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm a little tired of all this you know? Any news?"

Pete shuffled a little in his position and looked nervous.

"Hey, tell you what… if you come by later, when everyone is asleep I'll have a word with the guy on the other side and we'll see if we can get you a little visit"

"No, Man, I couldn't let you do that, you'll get in trouble"

"They're starting to pack up in here anyway, there are only 3 left. Your girl's starting to come round"

He tried to peer through the plastic with no luck; the beds were pushed far on the opposite wall. Even if he had a clear view he probably wouldn't see her but he was reassured by Pete's promise of a visit and the fact that he said she was getting better. He returned to his bed with a new optimism and a smile on his face.

He had never wanted night to fall so quickly. The room fell almost silent as he crept over to the plastic, every step he took felt like it echoes loudly around the room. Pete was waving him over excitedly so he stepped up the pace and whispered his hellos. He was introduced to Pete's friend on the other side, he felt like a rebel. Breaking all the rules of the quarantine in the dead of night just to see her again, dodgy dealing under the shadows of the plastic chamber between the doors. They may have been willing to break the rules but they still insisted on double gloves and a face mask.

He was ushered across the room with a marked urgency, he suddenly realised how much these men were jeopardising their jobs for him. If they were caught they would almost certainly be fired, it made him feel a little guilty but it didn't stop him proceeding.

"She's doing a lot better, she's even conscious some of the time now but she's still on a lot of meds"

Nick nodded as his eyes scanned the beds, Pete was right in saying there were only 3 people who were still sick. The other boxes lay opened and empty but a small line of beds lit with dim lamps were still firmly sealed. The hazmat man stopped by one and unzipped the plastic before gesturing for Nick to enter. His heart was racing, he was so nervous it was ridiculous. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves before ducking under the plastic and locking eyes with Carey for the first time in over a week.

She looked a great deal pinker than the last time he saw her, in fact she was positively flushed and her eyes were no longer glassy and unfocussed, she looked right at him and smiled weakly as he quickly moved to the edge of her bed. The heart sensors and oxygen tube were gone but her arms were still littered with IV lines.

"I uh, I don't have very long… are you feeling better?"

"A little, you really shouldn't be in here. You'll get in trouble"

He sat down beside her and took her hand into his. She almost shuddered at the contact, her eyes instantly brimming with tears and he knew he wasn't going to like where the conversation was going already.

"I don't care, I wanted to see you. And your boss has been stalking me"

"You've spoken to James?"

"Yeah, he seems ok. But I see what you mean he is a little … pushy"

"He's worried about me, you should tell him to stop. He has no business to worry about me"

There was definite resentment in her voice, there was something more to this relationship than she was letting him think.

"what's the deal with him Carey, he seems a little over concerned for a boss"

"You should go Nick."

"It's ok, I have an hour. Pete says…."

"No, I really think you should go. Go back to Vegas, live a happy life, forget about me"

The heavy sadness that filled her voice stunned him. He had expecting a degree of reluctance from her; she had always been slightly guarded and cautious around him. He had not expected her to ask him to leave her alone; he had always thought that she felt the same way as him even if she didn't admit it. Maybe he was wrong, but looking into her eyes he saw the same longing he felt. He knew that it was very unlikely he would feel such a strong connection with someone if it was unrequited.

She was protecting him.

"I'm not going anywhere…"


	20. Chapter 20

He had made the decision while she was gravely ill that no matter what he would stick by her. He was well aware that she had a probably terminal illness and that was something they would have to discuss eventually. He was sure he could convince her to get treatment but that could wait until she had recovered from her latest illness. He could see she was still very weak, the sparkle was gone from her eyes, the energy that burst from her that he had found so electrifying was gone, replaced by heavy eyelids and aching muscles.

"They said I can come out of here in a couple of days, I'll have pills to take though and I'm not allowed to leave the islands for a while"

"Maybe that's not a bad thing; we can do a bit of exploring"

She broke eyes contact to stare at the wall sadly, he knew he was pushing it but he felt it was necessary if he was going to stand any chance of holding onto her.

"Nicky… I…"

He gently brushed his finger over her lips to silence her protests as he slipped his mask from his face and moved closer to look into her eyes.

"You told me you're sick, I get it. I'm still not going anywhere"

She was about to protest, her mouth was opening and closing in an attempt to form words but their time was running out. Nick quickly pulled her towards him and brushed her lips with his but she pushed him back urgently.

"You can't do that, I might still be infectious"

"I'm willing to take the risk"

"You're crazy do you know that? It will end in tears, for both of us Nick. I don't have the beautiful romances and happy endings. It's never meant to be me"

He could see that she genuinely believed that. She had given up on ever being loved and wanted in this way, she didn't believe in it anymore. There had to be a reason for her attitude. He figured she had been hurt before and she had been hurt bad for her walls to be built so high around her.

"It is this time, now will you just kiss me already?"

She cast him a cautious smile but her arms were soon around his neck pulling him close and running her fingers through his hair. She had that naughty glint in her eye he had only had the opportunity to witness twice so far but kissing was about as far as their contact could go. And even that was probably too far.

Pete's friend was hitting the side of the plastic box urgently signalling their time was up. He really didn't want to leave, if he could spend the next few days with her steaming up the plastic he probably would have. Being holed away from the rest of the world wasn't always a bad thing. They paused for a prolonged moment, their foreheads pressed together and their arms still firmly wrapped around each other before he forced himself to pull away.

"I'll see you in a couple of days"

Her hand was still firmly grasped in his and he placed a gentle kiss across her fingers before breaking contact altogether and leaving the confines of her bed. The Hazmat man frowned at him the instant he stepped outside and gestured to his mask.

"I hope you didn't pull that down while you were inside"

Nick quickly slipped the mask over his head and handed it to the huge man with a smile.

"No sir, it stayed firmly in place, with these"

He pulled off the thick latex gloves they had made him wear and handed them to Hazmat man. He didn't like them at all; they ruined his attempts at gently caressing her cheek. The latex pinched at her skin like sticky tape and even when he did brush against her he couldn't feel it. He could console himself with the promise that she would soon be free to join the other room. He was confident that the entire quarantine would be closed down in a matter of days. That could only be a good thing for the handful of people left over.

One of the benefits of having 'illegally' crossed the quarantine barrier was that he didn't have to have the horrible smelling shower. Pete winked at him as he shook his hand on the way back into the big room with a smile. That had certainly cheered him up and it was blatantly obvious for anyone to see.

Sara was curled up in her bed with Grissom by her side. As usual he was seated with his tiny flashlight perched over his book. He didn't even look up as Nick tiptoed his way over to his own bed in the darkened conference room.

"Can't sleep?"

Grissom pointed his flashlight at him in response and studied him carefully. Nick could tell he was suspicious; Grissom was highly skilled in reading people.

"Where did you disappear to?"

Nick sat on the edge of his bed and slipped off his shoes as he spoke in hushed tones, hoping not to wake anyone or cause unnecessary rumours.

"Pete let me in to see Carey, I think she's gonna be ok"

He pulled his shirt over his head; Grissom's scrutiny was beginning to make him uncomfortable. He really just wanted to undress and slip into his bed for a real night's sleep. His worries and his uncertainty had been keeping him awake more than the fact that he was in a room with 30 other people.

"Don't tell Sara, she'd be worried about us getting sick again"

With that he went back to his book without a backwards glance. Grissom had a surprisingly strong ability to keep secrets. He knew that if he ever told Grissom something in confidence that it would stay locked in his inner vault until the end of time and no-one would ever know. He was genuinely surprised at Grissom's indifference to his visit. If it had been Sara he was speaking to he would have been steeling himself for a rant, she would have gone off on a speech about being irresponsible and careless with his health. She would have brought up the fact that he didn't know Carey very well. It seemed to be her favourite topic of the moment. She was right of course, he didn't know a lot about her but he was willing to take the time to find out, as soon as she was free to go. Holiday romances were always intense; the need to cram an entire relationship into a few days facilitated that. He couldn't help but hope that this was more than that.

"My lips are sealed"


	21. Chapter 21

A few days later Nick and Sara were poised to take their final decontamination shower. They could almost feel the air on their skin and the wind in their hair. Grissom by all rights should be a day or two behind them. It was a surreal experience, to be stood there tasting the freedom that waited for them and realising it was a bittersweet victory. They may be mere footsteps away from dipping their toes in the pool but they were leaving behind their loved ones.

There were a handful of people leaving with them, the queue slowly diminished towards the cubicle. Their sadness growing with every step. Nick could see Sara's eyes darting between the doorway and Grissom as he sat perched on the edge of his bed reading.

"Go for it"

Sara looked at him with confusion on her face; he smiled widely and winked as he nodded his head towards the beds.

"Just go get him, what's the worst that could happen?"

Her entire face lit up as though the thought had never crossed her mind and he felt a small sense of victory as she practically ran across the room and threw herself into his arms. He couldn't seem to look away from them. They were saying goodbye, possibly only for a day or to but they were still saying goodbye and he wondered why he hadn't seen the love between them a long time before it was common knowledge. They could never be accused of being overly touchy feely but the pure honest sentimentality of their exchange didn't seem unusual or uncomfortable to him. He realised that they had always been this way, always been silently engaged in a deep emotional understanding that no-one else was privy to.

He almost didn't see her, he was so consumed in analysing his friends relationship she was practically by his side by the time her presence registered and he was so shocked he didn't know what to do. Her pale skin accentuated the redness around her eyes making her look weak and tired but she smiled at him as she placed her hand on his arm.

"You're ok?"

She nodded as he slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him.

"And you're leaving…"

His hand was stroking her cheek and before he knew what he was doing his lips were dancing over hers, slowly, softly caressing them until a long sigh escaped from her mouth. She clung to him as he pulled away, buried her head into his chest and stroked her hands down the length of his back, savouring the feeling of being close to him again.

"I have to, I'm sorry. Grissom will be here"

He gestured over towards Grissom who was back to his natural position, seated on the edge of his bed, book opened on his lap, glasses perched on his nose and completely oblivious to the rest of the room. Carey turned to him with a smile on her face.

"I can see he will be great company"

Sara approached them, sensing the topic of conversation was her husband she piped in with her own advice.

"Ask him about bugs or poetry and you'll be entertained for hours I guarantee it"

"Thanks, I'll bear that in mind. Right now, I'm happy to collapse into bed and sleep. The walk over here was exhausting"

A Hazmat man started calling to them impatiently. They were the last to leave and he was waiting for them. Sara waved at him before rolling her eyes and motioning to Nick.

"We better go, nice to see you up and about Carey"

She made her way to the tented area quickly, probably keen to breathe in the fresh air and sip an ice cold drink by the pool. Nick was somewhat hesitant, he had spent so many days envisioning their reunion he would have thought it would have been easy to find the right words. In actual fact he didn't really know what to say. He could see her eyes drooping and mist over with the sheer exhaustion her body felt, she pulled at the paper-like boiler suit they gave her to wear. It didn't look comfortable at all, Nick slipped the shirt he was wearing over his head and handed it to her with a smirk.

"You can wear that to bed, it's gotta be better than this sexy suit"

"Hmm maybe I'll hold onto it for when I get out of here then"

The Hazmat man was getting extremely impatient, he waved his arms around and called on him and eventually started marching towards them with an angry, urgent stride. Nick stroked his hand through her hair gazing into her eyes for a long moment before pulling her close to his body for a long lingering kiss. It was tinged with passion and longing as the Hazmat man tapped his finger on Nicks shoulder. He followed him out with a heavy heart, hoping the next few days would pass quickly.

Sara was waiting for him in the foyer; she didn't seem to know what to do or where to go now that they were free.

"How did you lose your shirt?"

"I gave it to Carey so she didn't have to walk around in that paper thing."

"What a gentleman you are, she looked tired. Don't think she'll be doing much walking at all"

"No, I guess not. I better go get some clothes on"

"I think that's a good idea, shower wouldn't go wrong either!"

They said their goodbyes at one end of the long corridor on the bottom floor. He hadn't realised that Grissom and Sara had been only a few doors away. He and Carey may have been a bit more discreet with their late night hallway antics had they known. The memory cast a smile over his face as he unlocked his door. He was half hoping that it had remained untouched, that he would walk back into the room and be instantly transported back to that night but of course housekeeping had been through to blitz the room with disinfectant.

The impeccably made bed didn't immediately conjure up images of their passionate lovemaking; her thin silver necklace laid carefully on the night stand proved that it hadn't been a dream or a hallucination. She had in fact been there in his room, in his bed. It felt like it had been a lifetime ago, such a lot had happened since then.

There was a buzzing and beeping in his pocket bringing him out of his reminiscing. He had forgotten all about her cell phone and sighed as he slipped it out of his pocket. A message logo appeared on the screen and he selected it without thinking. Another message from James Dempsey, he was one keen boss.

"I've made a decision, will meet you at the airport when you get home x"

He was about to tab out a reply when there was a knock on his door and an altogether happier and refreshed Sara stood in the threshold.

"I'm ready for lunch, what are we waiting for? I haven't tasted real food in days"

He waved her in and threw the phone on the bed, the message would still be there later and Mr Dempsey could wait. Right now food was more important.


	22. Chapter 22

By the time Carey was released from the quarantine zone he had all but forgotten about James message. He waited on the uncomfortable plastic chairs for hours, pretending to read the multitude of outdated magazines and pamphlets arranged on the table. He was beginning to wonder if she was actually getting out at all.

He paced the hallway, stared out of the window and chatted to the concierge behind the massive front desk and eventually she stepped out into the fading sunshine looking like she had never been sick at all.

"Have you been waiting here all day?"

Behind him the concierge was nodding but he shook his head and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck in mock embarrassment.

"Well you know, sunbathing gets a little old after a while"

"I bet. I really need a shower and…"

"Food. I know, I already booked us a table."

She pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek as she walked away leaving him gazing after her like a love-struck puppy. The concierge grinned inanely at him and he shook his head with a smile as he walked after her.

The elevator was about to close when he stuck his foot between the doors and gathered her into his arms. She had lost weight; she felt almost skeletal where she had previously been deliciously curvy. he twisted a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"A peck on the cheek is all I get after all this time?"

"Well I do kind of smell Nicky, the disinfectant isn't exactly an alluring scent"

He responded by nuzzling into her neck and inhaling deeply. She did smell overwhelmingly of disinfectant, her normally soft skin was dry and dehydrated.

"Your right, you should shower first" he teased.

She playfully slapped his arm as the elevator ground to a halt and they approached her room together. The sun shone in the windows bathing the room in a rich golden glow. Fresh flowers stood on the dresser and the air was filled with a rich rose scent. It was like heaven after being trapped in a stale sterile little bubble for so long.

She heaved her case out from under the bed and pulled out an array of clothing and toiletries as Nick slipped off his shoes and lay back on the bed, flicking through the television channels. Before long steam was escaping from under the bathroom door Carey appeared in the frame, her hair long and dripping and her skin glistening with water. A thick white towel wrapped around her body and a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Quite comfortable there Stokes?"

"Well, I have been waiting here for about 12 hours"

"Don't exaggerate, it's not becoming of you"

She stood at the end of the bed and narrowed her eyes at him playfully. He shuffled a little as she mounted the bed and slowly crawled up his body until she was eye level with him. He was all too aware that he could easily unhook the towel that covered her.

"You're right, I must think of a way to make it up to you"

She leaned down, meeting his lips with a soft, sensual kiss. Her hands running through his hair and down his chest. The towel slipped from her body as his hands carefully skimmed over her soft skin. He matched her kisses with hungry passion; he couldn't help but react to her. The waiting made her skin taste even sweeter, her scent fill his soul and her kisses make his heart race. Her damp hair tangled in his fingers as he pulled her as close as he could eliciting a deep sigh from her mouth that sent shivers up his spine. His shirt was quickly discarded as their passion mounted, her nails lightly scraping over his bare chest as she pulled away from him to a seated position and fiddled with his belt buckle. He lay back, casting his eyes slowly over her body when a loud knocking stopped them in their tracks.

They both paused, their eyes locking in a moment of indecision, hoping that whoever it was would give up and move on but another more urgent knocking sounded into the room. She gathered the towel up around her as he padded over to the door with a sigh and peered through the spyhole.

"I forgot I asked Sara and Grissom to get dinner with us. It's their last night here."

He opened the door a crack and Sara peered in, noticing Carey's messed hair and Nick's state of undress immediately.

"We're uh… we're gonna need a few more minutes."

"We'll wait in the bar; remember the reservations for 7 now. Dessert can wait till the end"

He waited at the door until they disappeared into the elevator. When he turned back to the room Carey had slipped on a little black dress and was twisting her hair into a messy chignon. She applied a smear of lip-gloss before slipping on a pair of strappy heels and tossing him his shirt with a smile.

"Not all girls take forever to get dressed you know"

Within a few minutes they were at the bar. Their pre-dinner athletics were enough to wet their appetites. They sat at opposite sides of the table, their eyes meeting over every morsel as Grissom told them all about their plans for Paris. He was mesmerised by the way her lips moved and the way she twirled a loose strand of hair around her finger when she was listening to the conversation.

Sara and Grissom had an early flight so when the meal was finished they said their goodbyes and retreated to their room as the sun began dipping over the horizon. Nick and Carey walked along the deserted beach in silence, her head resting on his shoulder and her shoes in her hands as their footprints were washed away by the gently lapping waves. They came to a bench, perched high on the edge of a rocky peninsula under a tree and sat down to enjoy the view as the last of the sunlight slowly disappeared.

"I had a great time tonight, I'm gonna miss this island"

"Me too, but it's not over yet. Come with me"

She eyed him suspiciously as he stood up and held out his hand. She slipped her hand into his and he pulled her around the edge of the rocks and along a narrow path. They veered off the path and snaked in and out of thickening trees and bushes. The resort becoming a distant light and the path disappearing as they walked.

"Do you know where we're going?"

"Of course I do, trust me. The concierge told me all about it, even had a guide take me out here to show me. Although it was in the daytime… and I don't remember that rock… I'm kidding! It's right through here"

Nick brushed a huge palm leaf out of the way and pulled her into a clearing in the trees. The sight of it took her breath away just as he'd hoped it would. A waterfall fell into a glistening silver lagoon, the flowers that had been in full blossom when he scoped it out were now closed but their fragrance still attacked their senses. The moonlight shone down making the waterfall sparkle and the rocks shine.

"It's beautiful" she whispered.

She stepped out into the clearing, the soft glow of the moon silhouetting her body as she dipped her toes in the cool dark water. He watched her move, watched her take in the glorious scenery before he moved to her side and took her shoes from her hand.

"Are there Piranha's in Hawaii?"

"I'm pretty sure this water is safe, the guide told me the local's used to swim in it before they built the hotel"

He was genuinely shocked when she twisted her arm up her back and unzipped her dress. It fell to the ground pooling at her feet leaving her in only her underwear. She casually pulled a clip from her hair and it fell in cascades of messy curls around her back and he watched as she climbed onto some of the rocks and dived into the water with barely a splash.

"Are you coming?" she asked when she resurfaced.

"In there? No way!"

"Oh come on, don't be a spoilsport! It's nice and cool and… you know, nothing's eaten me yet"

He hesitated a little before slipping his shoes off, she floated on the top of the water as he slipped off his jeans and stepped towards the water.

"Shirt too Nicky, you have altogether too many clothes on for skinny dipping"

"So do you!"

Her bra fell at his feet in response and he laughed as he relented and pulled the top over his head. Her eyes were burning into him; he could fell her watching his every move as he scaled the rocks on the side of the waterfall and dived into the silvery water below. He stayed under the water for as long as he could, swimming towards her silently and stealthily until he ran his hands up her legs, her waist, her chest, finally breaking through the surface for air and meeting her eyes.

"Is that better?"

He could feel her hands tracing the edge of his boxer shorts, her fingers sliding delicately under the waistband and following the rim.

"No, you still have your boxers on. You're cheating"

He ran his hands down the length of her body, from her shoulders, down the curve of her spine and past her waist. He expected to feel the fabric of her panties but instead he just found skin, soft, smooth, bare skin. So he dutifully removed the offending undergarment and threw it onto the grass at the edge of the lagoon.

"That's better"

"I'm glad you approve but if something brushes against me I'm outta here!"

Her long slow kiss almost made him forget where he was and what they were doing. The water made it easy for her to hook her legs around him and press their bodies together.

"That's a shame, because I had every intention of brushing against you"

All at once his reservations were gone; he loved how quickly she could make him turn. One minute he is calm and reserved the next minute he can't control his animalistic urges.

Their kisses became increasingly passionate and hungry. She moved her hips around, teasing him, enticing him closer to her as he moved closer to the rocks. His lips tasting her neck and her chest as he slid her onto a rock beside the roaring waterfall. She reached her hand out to the water, showering him with droplets before she bent over to kiss each and every one of them from his glistening skin.

He pulled her to the edge of the rock, his arms wrapped tightly around her and holding her close as they made love in the moonlight. She rocked her hips against his and threw her head back as her muscles spasmed involuntarily. He could feel it but at that moment he was mesmerised in her, watching her lose control and fall over the edge of euphoria. Only she didn't, panting and breathless she met his eyes again and kissed him feverishly.

"I'm not ready, keep going"

His heart was racing and sweat beaded on his broad shoulders as she started to tremble and shake in his arms again. Her moans send tingles all over his body, he held back as much as he could as she clung on to him, her nails scratching into his back and she held her breath before her moans evaporated to desperate sighs that drove him even more crazy.

"Oh god, Nicky, don't stop. Oh please…"

But he could feel her hips moving and her muscles tighten, he could feel her reaching the point of no return and he began to shake and tremble too. His arms tightening their grip around her body as though trying to reach deeper inside and when she relented and threw her body back in ecstasy he stopped trying to hold back. He reached out and held her hand, his entire body responded to her as the tight knot of passion built up and exploded in a shuddering crescendo.

They sat there in the water tangled in each other, grasping for breath and exhausted. Her chest heaved from the exertion as she ran her fingers slowly through his hair.

When he pulled away from her he suddenly felt cold and altogether more exposed than he realised. They weren't as far from the road as he thought and cars headlights shone through the trees as they snaked their way to the hotel. She watched him dress from the water, in much the same way she had watched him undress. The same smile crossing her lips, the same glint in her eye as he helped her step out of the water. She slipped her dress back on and he zipped up the back with a gentle kiss on her neck.

He slid his arm around her body and held his hand out in front of her, a shining silver shell nestled in his palm. It sparkled in the moonlight, the smooth surface reflecting blues and purples and greens. She held it in her hand and twirled around to look into his eyes.

"Something to help you remember this night" he said.

her eyes glistened with tears, the bright light of the moon sparkling in the reflection as her arms twisted around his neck and she placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"How could I ever forget the night I fell in love?"


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: I apologise for the delay, my internet is down (I am NOT coping very well without it lol) so by way of an apology here is a big long chapter. Hope you enjoy it, smut, love, romance, friendship, sorrow, guilt, despair, jealousy and fighting … what more could you want? Oh of course, there's a smidge of GSR too!**

Walking back to the hotel in darkness was no easy task. When they broke through the thick cluster of trees the lights of the hotel lobby were the only thing guiding their way. The bar was deserted and the pool flat and empty, the only signs of life was the concierge behind the desk watching them as they attempted to creep through the space unnoticed. He waved to them with a wide smile and a suggestive wink as they approached the elevator.

As soon as the elevator doors slid closed he pulled her into his arms. Their kissing no longer fast and hungry but soft and gentle. His lips brushing against hers with excruciating softness, his thumb caressing her cheek with a feather like touch.

"You could get into trouble with a kiss like that Nicky"

"I'm counting on it"

They stumbled to her room, her hands trembling with the key card until they fell through the door. He slid his hand down her spine, pulling the zipper of her dress until it fell from her shoulders. His lips found her neck, followed the curve of her shoulder before dipping his head to tease the soft skin of her chest. She hummed into his hair tossing her head back as his lips and tongue explored her body slowly and methodically devouring every inch. Enjoying the taste of her skin, still moist from their late night swimming expedition.

She pulled him back to eye level, placing trembling kisses on his lips as his fingers danced up her thigh tracing deliciously soft circles that soon had her shaking in his arms and sighing into his ear. He seemed to be so in tune with her body that he naturally brushed against all the most sensitive places. Instead of furious, lust filled movements they took their time, enjoying every kiss, touch and uttered sigh.

When neither of them could stand it anymore their lovemaking was equally as attentive, their eyes locking in the midst of their passion as they surrendered to the waves washing over them with ever increasing power. She had never climaxed so spectacularly before, her entire body pulsed and a strange wave of powerful emotion washed over her. Every ounce of energy she had left went into fighting off the urge to sob in his arms at the sheer power and significance of it all. He lay back on the bed, breathless and beaded with sweat as she settled into the crook of his shoulder and they slept.

The light began to filter into the room rousing them from their sleep at a ridiculous hour. Nick groaned and turned over in bed, pulling the sheets over his shoulder as though shielding himself from the glare. Carey sat up with a soft smile as she watched him sleep.

It was a bittersweet feeling, her heart swelled with the love she felt for him. Something that she had never felt for anyone before but she was very aware that in a manner of days they would be returning to reality. The beautiful, blissful romance they had enjoyed in Hawaii would be a cherished memory but she had no idea how it would progress. There was a lot waiting for her at home, none of it good and she knew that eventually she was going to have to tackle 'real life'. That meant her avoidance of James would have to stop and she was going to have to face up to the fact that she had something relentless and devastating ravaging her body.

She knew it wasn't fair for him; she was pulling him into what would inevitably be heartache. His gentle, caring nature made him addictive, she couldn't give him up. When he looked into her eyes she melted into his arms before she could wrestle with her conscience. She just couldn't seem to break away from him.

She slipped out of the bed and quickly dressed before slipping out of her room and settling into sun lounger by the pool. Sunrise was somehow not as romantic as sunset, which was ironic given that sunrise was the start of something new whereas sunset was the end.

She watched as Sara and Grissom took the pathway beside the hotel to their waiting cab. Theirs was a love that was destined to last forever, however understated it may be. They were off on an adventure, a new beginning; Paris in the springtime was legendary for romance. They had spoken about their plans to travel and she knew that they would make it a reality. She couldn't claim to know them very well but from the little she had witnessed the love between them was enviable. There was a deep respect and understanding, so much so that she had spotted their silent conversations. A tiny change in expression was enough, that was something really special. Grissom slipped his arm around her waist before they approached the cab, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, the tip of her nose and finally her lips. Carey tried to look away, it seemed like a sentimental, private moment that no-one should be witnessing but she was entranced. Grissom rested his forehead on hers and whispered something that Carey couldn't hear. It must have been something poetic and romantic because Sara threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. Sara spotted her and paused before waving Grissom on and approaching her.

"Everything ok?"

Sara sat on the chair beside her and watched her intently. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes despite her attempts to hold them back. The fact was that while every fibre in her body wanted to hold onto Nick and never let him go, there was still a nagging in her brain that told her to push him away.

"Just thinking, about everything"

"About Nicky? He didn't read it you know, he doesn't know."

"But he'll have to find out eventually"

Sara nodded, she had made no secret of the fact that Nick deserved to know exactly what he was getting into. He had done a noble thing refusing to read the book. While she was impressed with his loyalty and restraint she knew that he was waiting for Carey to tell him everything herself.

"I … um I can't do this. To … to him"

The tears fell hard and fast, her shoulders heaving under their burden as Sara reached out and took her hand. Sara noticed the bag by her feet, stuffed haphazardly with a jumble of clothes.

"What are you talking about?"

"I didn't think there were men like him in the world, genuine, caring, gentle men. He doesn't deserve this. I'll hurt him. He needs someone who can promise him a life, a family. He'd be a great father"

"Carey, you can't just run away from him"

"It would be better for everyone if I did"

"No it would be better for you, for your conscience, Carey, it wouldn't be better for Nick. He's in love with you; he wants to help you get better"

"And what if I don't get better?"

Sara hesitated, unsure what to say or do. The question had caught her off guard; the honesty caught her off guard. She didn't feel comfortable dealing with such raw emotion; luckily Nick materialised on the patio behind her and rescued her. His footsteps echoing on the tiled flooring as he approached them. Sara patted his shoulder as she ran after Grissom.

He sat down on the lounger with her, his arm around her gently as he placed small kisses on her shoulder. The tears in her eyes sparkled in the rising sun but the heartache was all too evident.

"I'll be there, no matter what."

He wiped her tears with his hand as she looked up at him.

"It's ridiculous; I don't even live in Vegas"

"I can drive Carey, every day if I have to"

"It's almost 3 hours away"

"I'll drive fast"

Despite herself she laughed at his statement and rested her head on his shoulder as they settled back into the lounger to watch the sunrise.

"Just promise me that when we get back you'll fight this"

She wondered if it was even worth making a promise like that to him, she couldn't guarantee the oncologist would even offer her treatment.

"I'll get really sick Nick, the treatment is awful. I'll feel awful, I'll look awful, I could lose my hair and get all bloated and even then it might not work"

"Just promise me you'll try, that's all I want"

She nodded albeit a little reluctantly, as his fingers gently danced up and down her arm and although the little voice wouldn't be supressed it was momentarily hushed as the hotel came to life and she drifted off to sleep in Nick's arms. It felt like she was right where she belonged.

XXX

The long flight took a lot out of them, stepping off the plane and into the artificial lighting and plastic plants of McCarron airport was depressing to say the least. They strode through the airport arm in arm while Nick told her all about the best places to eat in Vegas. She may have lived in the same state but other than driving through she had never been in Las Vegas. Carey had purposefully decided not to tell James about her flight, she would deal with him when she got home. Tonight she was all about Nick.

Or at least, that's what she thought until a familiar face caught her eye pushing his way through the crowds of tourists and gamblers. She thought about turning back, about feigning an urgent need to go to the bathroom but it was too late, James had spotted them and was making a beeline directly towards them.

"Carey!" he called and waved his arms around to get her attention.

Nick looked at her with a frown as she rolled her eyes and buried her face in his arm.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know he would be here. I'll deal with it"

She pulled away from him and approached James quickly, ushering him to the side of the crowds, and away from Nick, with a stern look.

"I thought about what you said, your right. I haven't been fair to you"

She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. It was completely inappropriate given the circumstances. She had left him, moved on from their sordid little affair and let him carry on with his marriage safe in the knowledge she wouldn't ever tell. Yet here he was doing the last thing she had expected and doing it in front of the last person she wanted to see it.

"James, don't do this, go home"

"Let me finish… please"

She looked over at Nick just a few feet away. He was speaking on his cell phone, laughing and smiling. She probably had a few minutes before he came over, before he could hear what was being said. Not that she had any control over it, James was already speaking.

"I left her, I left Dawn. For you"

He reached into his pocket and Carey felt like everything from there went in slow motion. A small velvet box in his hands he dropped to the ground and held it out to her. Inside was a sparkling diamond, everyone was looking.

Including Nick.

She turned to look at him; she could see the anger and the hurt in his eyes as he hung up his phone and stomped away from her. James, completely oblivious to the drama he was causing continued with his declaration and his proposal but she didn't hear a word of it.

"Nick! Wait, please just hold on…"

For a second Nick paused to look at her, it almost hurt to see him looking at her that way before he turned to leave again.

"Carey, an answer would be nice…"

She had almost forgotten all about James, posed there on his knee with his little ring offering to her. In a way she felt sorry for him, she didn't think she had misled him with her ultimatum but obviously he had misunderstood.

"No, James… no. leave me alone"

She took off to follow Nick, leaving him crouched on the ground as the crowds dispersed, disappointed with the proposal rejection and looking for another drama to gawp at. They didn't have to wait long, as Carey caught up with Nick, James caught up with her. His hand closed around her arm, squeezing it tight and pulling her to him.

"What do you mean 'No'? You can't say no to me"

"Watch me" she hissed, her free hand reaching up and colliding with his cheek with a satisfying slap.

James reddening cheek had no effect on his anger; he continued to squeeze her arm, pulling her along with him.

"You owe me, you owe me everything"

She squirmed in his grasp, her eyes locking with Nicks across the crowds. He was watching them, making no move towards them or away from them but watching intently.

"James, let me go. You're hurting me"

"You've got nothing without me, and you know it"

Nick stepped in front of them, stood directly in front of James.

"She's got me"

James threw his head back with laughter; Nick fixed his jaw and stared at the man. Carey couldn't catch his eye as she tried to squirm out of James grip.

"Stay out of this cowboy; you don't know what you're talking about"

"I know she wants you to let her go"

Carey didn't think James could get any angrier but that seemed to do it. The anger was radiating out of him as he stood toe to toe with Nick.

"I suppose you know her real name then? You know why she left California?" Nick confusion was evident, he didn't need to answer, and James had all the ammunition he needed. "You know nothing, stay out of it."

He resumed dragging her through the airport, heading towards the doors at a marching pace and Nick stayed put. As though his feet were glued to the spot, he watched after them.

"Nick, I can explain…"

"You'll do no such thing; we've got some unfinished business my dear"

He twisted her arm with such ferocity she cried out with pain and finally caught his eye. The sorrow and confusion was immediately replaced with anger and he marched across the crowds towards them, pushing through the throng of people to get to them.

"I'll tell you one more time. Let. Her. go."

James paused for a fraction of a second, his eyes burning into Nick. Sizing him up, gauging his chances.

"And just what are you going to do?"

"James, leave him alone, this is stupid"

When James lifted his hand to her all hell broke loose. Nick grabbed his outstretched hand and twisted it around his back. James grip on Carey's arm was loosened and she was free from his grasp but the punches were flying between the two men and security guards were closing in. she fought her way between them, pushing against Nick and looking into his eyes in an attempt to calm the situation. When James came charging towards them looking for more Carey twirled around and bore the brunt of his punch, falling to the ground with the impact.

Two burly security men wrestled Nick and James apart, calling into the radios for assistance as Carey got to her feet. The tempers seemed to have fizzled out although James still fought against the guards grip.

"Your nothing, he's welcome to you"

The police arrived just in time to see Carey attacking James. Nick sighed at the irony of it, as they clipped the handcuffs around all their wrists and ushered them into the waiting vehicles. This was not how he wanted to announce his return to Vegas.


	24. Chapter 24

Brass seemed to find it highly amusing as he unclipped Nick's cuffs down at the station. Nick smiled and rubbed at his wrists where the unforgiving metal had dug into his skin.

"You getting involved in domestics at the airport now Nicky?"

"Not exactly, it's complicated… I'm not even sure I know what's going on"

"Well this Dempsey guy wants to press charges against the girl, he says she attacked him"

"You've got to be kidding me…"

"He's an ass, supervisor out of Laughlin. Tell me he's not a friend of yours"

They stood in the observation room watching Carey as she fidgeted in her chair and held her head in her hands.

"No but she is, can I go speak to her?"

Brass nodded as Nick turned on his heel and opened the door to the interview room. She had her eyes closed, her hair loose and falling all around her face as she rubbed her forehead with her fingers. Her eye and cheek were already starting to bruise quite spectacularly and her wrist where James had held onto her was red and marked.

"I hope they took photos of your injuries?"

She gasped and sat back in her chair, quickly trying to guess his mood from his expression as he sat down on the chair opposite her. There was hope, shame and sadness in her eyes as she nodded and gently twisted her wrist around in her hand. He couldn't help but feel betrayed by her, like she had fooled him and lied to him. It almost hurt to meet her eyes but he was drawn to them. He couldn't help but look at her and the pleading in her eyes made it impossible for him to stay mad at her. Not that he would tell her that.

"So. Turns out you have some explaining to do…"

"Nicky, James and I… we were over before I even left for Hawaii"

He placed his hands over hers, enveloping them in his grasp. A protective and reassuring gesture but he noticed how she trembled under his touch, how worried and drawn she looked, how pale her skin appeared beside the angry red and purple of her bruised eye.

"He wants to press charges. I think if you threaten to counter charge he'll back off"

"James never backs off from anything."

"Well maybe I'll have something to say about that. Then we've got some talking to do, and I want the truth"

She nodded and he quickly left the room, headed for James Dempsey. Brass stood outside the interview room holding a mug of coffee and a bemused expression.

"His highness wanted coffee; I made sure to get him the very best lab tar"

"I'll take it to him Jim; I think I need to have a talk with Mr Dempsey"

Brass pulled the mug out of his reach just for long enough to catch his eye with an unspoken warning. Nick knew his place, his career was in jeopardy. As soon as James realised he was a CSI it was likely he would try to press charges on him too and that would have far reaching consequences. He had to be smart about this. He strode into the room to find James leaning back in his chair with his hands clasped behind his head, the smug expression on his face dropped in a satisfying fashion when he recognised who was interviewing him. Nick placed the mug on the table in front of him with a nod and a smile and took the chair directly opposite.

James immediately straightened up, confusion replacing his smug smile as his hands gripped the mug filled with, now lukewarm, coffee.

"So I hear you want to press charges? Yeah, you know what? I think I might do that too"

James paused, the coffee cup hovering below his lips as he tried to fathom exactly what Nick was saying.

"My prides taken a bit of a beating with her too James, difference between me and you? I don't decide to go around notching up felonies because of it. Let's see, so we got assault, attempted abduction, extortion, obstruction and we'll throw in assaulting a police officer into the mix and that's all before we've even listened to Carey's statement"

James leaned across the table, looking directly at Nick. His hands spread out on the sheer surface like a cat ready to pounce.

"She won't press charges" an evil smile mutated his face as Nick held his gaze "and anyway the police officers witnessed her attacking me. I was restrained and everything"

He sat back, resuming his smug position as Brass strode into the room looking rather pleased with him. He slapped a file on the table and marched around behind Nick as he flipped through the pages. He paused and looked at James, satisfied that his digging had been fruitful.

"I think you better rethink your defence Mr Dempsey. The CCTV from the airport is interesting watching but if you feel like a literary classic, Id definitely suggest taking a gander at your rap sheet. That girl has numerous complaints documented and then withdrawn about you and she's not the only one."

James regarded the two men in bewilderment, he had underestimated them completely. They had accessed files even he wasn't privy to. Nick slid the file across the table with a victorious look.

"Drop the charges and I'll make sure this doesn't go on your record"

"And Carey?"

"You leave her alone. No phone calls, no visits, not even an email. Got it?"

"You know she's sick, right?"

"I know everything I need to know, go home and apologise to your wife"

He stood up and left the room without as much as a backwards glance. He hoped that would be the last he would see James Dempsey, now he just had to go deal with whatever skeleton's Carey was hiding in her closet. Greg was hovering around, dancing around the doorway excitedly as Nick approached.

"Who's the girl? I heard you got into a fight, was she involved? Was there mud?"

"Shut up Greg, it's none of your business"

"I might just come in and introduce myself then, it would be rude not to"

"Her name is Carey, I met her in Hawaii and there was no mud. Happy?"

"Disappointed, the mud wrestling was the best part…"

"Look I gotta go; I need to talk to her"

Greg bounced off in the opposite direction grinning to himself. Nick could only imagine the images running through that boys head; he was like a walking porn library at times. He paused for just a moment at the door, a second to compose his thoughts and decide how he was going to approach things with Carey.

It was all forgotten when he stepped through the door. He hadn't expected to see her hunched over the table, head buried in her arms, sleeping with her hair fanning out across the surface like feathers. He hadn't expected her to look so vulnerable and broken. The bruising on her eye and cheek was marbling dramatically. An abstract mixture of purples, reds and pinks with some black and blue thrown in for contrast and a stark difference against the almost ghostly white hue her skin had taken on recently. Her eyes, although closed, were red and puffy. Exhaustion had obviously taken over, her body still weak and tired. He crouched down beside her, resting his arms on the table by her side. He gazed at her for barely a second when her eyes flickered open and locked with his, a single look that conveyed an entire conversation. Just like she had witnessed so many times with Sara and Grissom.

"James is being packed off back to his wife. He won't be pressing charges"

She inhaled deeply and stretched out her arms, heaving her body into an upright position despite it protests. She needed time to absorb this, James Dempsey had backed down. She was free of the man who had plagued her life for the best part of 15 years; she didn't think she would ever get away from him. She realised with a heavy heart that she still wasn't, she had a lot of explaining to do to Nick and regardless of their personal relationship James Dempsey was unfortunately still her boss and even more unfortunately still her landlord. At least for now she could pretend it was ok.

"Thank you" she whispered placing a soft kiss on his palm, allowing it to linger over her face for a second with her eyes closed. Just to savour his touch before she opened the floodgates. Everyone knew that once they were opened there was no going back, no taking back the confessions and secrets. It was time to be honest and that frightened her a lot more than James ever did.

"Ok, I'm taking you to breakfast, you look like a ghost."

He held out her coat for her and she slipped her arms in with a slight frown, she kept waiting for him to bring up James or the things he had said but the entire journey to a small diner off strip went by with small talk and stories about Vegas and the Lab. They slid into a booth in the diner. It was by no means a fancy establishment but it was comfortable and friendly. The waitress even winked at her as she passed her a menu and asked Nick if he'd be having his 'usual'.

"You come here a lot, then?"

"This used to be where the old team would eat; it's something we don't do much anymore. Things change you know?"

She nodded absentmindedly before realising where he was going with his comment. He was obviously uncomfortable asking her directly about her past.

"My name was Alex..."

He looked up at her from over the rim of his coffee. She wasn't sure how to continue, his expression wasn't easily read. He slowly drew the mug from his mouth and rubbed his lips together, holding her gaze with a steadiness that made her feel uncomfortable.

"Alex Milan, I was brought up with a crime syndicate family. The short version is I turned informer and had to leave California"

Their food arrived and Nicks unwavering attention was still on her, still burning through her skin.

"What's the long version?"

She shook her head as she spooned some eggs into her mouth.

"You don't wanna hear it, it's really boring."

He didn't comment, simply continued with his breakfast, stealing glances at her every few seconds as she watched him.

"My father and my brother were heavily involved. Drugs, money laundering, prostitution, murder even people trafficking. I brought down the whole family. James was one of the officers on the case; he took me into protective custody"

"How old were you then?"

"I was 19. We had a… a fling. You could say. He almost lost his job for it and he got removed from my case. I got moved to Florida, had a good life going on. Then I got a call from the police, guy had got out and they figured he was after me so I got moved on again. Was in Nebraska for a while when James got in touch, we chatted back and forth. He visited a couple of times."

"Did you know he was married?"

"Not until he moved me to Arizona. He said it would be safer for me if I was closer to him. Pulled a few strings and got me a job in his lab"

"They could still come after you, how many times have you changed your name?"

"Twice. I was offered a new identity when I moved here but I figured, what's the point. if they want to find me they'll find me."

Nick nodded, it was true. Crime syndicates were often surprisingly resourceful and always a lot more knowledgeable than anyone gave them credit for.

"James' attitude changed the minute I moved there, like he suddenly realised I was too close for comfort. He got violent and possessive. He hated it if I socialised with any of the other staff. He would constantly remind me that he could take away my job, my apartment, my identity. I guess I just accepted it"

"So what changed?"

She thought about it for a few moments, it was something she knew deep down she should have done years ago but it was something she had never been brave enough to do. She and James had a toxic relationship; they both relied on each other for different things. Like it or not she was just as dependant on him as he was on her until the dynamic changed. Until she realised that there was a lot more to life than just surviving.

"I got Cancer, I realised that if I was going to die, I had to live first"

**Special thanks to Patricia and Lori, I'm sorry I didn't get Brass to kick James' ass for you but he tormented him in his own way ;o) **

**and to Carol; I'm sorry no pirate kidnappings but I'll certainly keep it in mind ;)**

**Jenny, I have nothing specific to say I just wanted to remind you how awesome you are and how much I appreciate your continued support :D**

**rosepetal7 I look forward to every single review so thank you for sticking by me :D **

**mma63… you still here dear? Lol**

**ok now that's out of the way, get reviewing! I hope you enjoy!**


	25. Chapter 25

**a/n: some romance to get us going, if you're not a fan of the soppy romantic slightly smutty type chapters then don't read on because you won't like this! ((*ahem*otie1983*ahem*)) there will be some more drama in the next couple of chapters but I figured I could give them a break and let them enjoy each other for a while. Thanks in advance! xxx**

The short drive to Nick's apartment seemed to take forever. Neither of them spoke a word, silently considering the new turn their relationship had taken. James was out of the picture for the time being but it seemed like there was a lot of negatives stacked against them. He stole glances in her direction as he drove, her eyes fixed on the window, watching the lights fly past in a blur.

A ghost of a smile played on her features as they pulled up to his typically male apartment complex. The faceless building and minimal foliage screamed bachelor pad. Every door a non-descript portal to another minimal apartment with a huge TV.

"What's so funny?"

"I knew you'd live in a place like this, you're so predictable"

"I'll have you know this is one of the best complexes in Vegas"

As if to emphasise her point one of Nick's neighbours came stumbling towards them with a girl on his arm who was clearly a hooker. She bit her lip to try and stifle the laugh as Nick waved to his friend with an embarrassed smirk and a nod.

"Fine, I guess I'm going home alone then"

Nick started to walk towards the building as she smiled and ran after him. Taking his hand she pressed a small kiss on his neck.

"I couldn't possibly leave you alone in such a bad neighbourhood"

He unlocked the door and they stepped into the apartment together. It was cold inside, an entire wall dedicated to his vast entertainment system. It was immaculately tidy, almost as though he didn't live there at all. No trace of life in the shining kitchen, no moulded body shapes in the huge leather sofa, no laundry waiting in the basket for laundry day.

"It's like a show home, are you ever actually here?"

He pulled her into his arms in one swift movement. His hands snaking up her back and pressing her against his chest.

"I don't usually entertain if that's what you're asking and I work a lot"

He brushed her hair from her face, his hand lingering on her soft cheek. The colour had returned to her skin, pink flushed in her face when he touched her. Anticipation coursed through him, he could feel the heat in her body, the beating of her heart, her deep sigh as he gently traced the curve of her spine under her blouse. She closed her eyes as he laced his fingers through her hair, hovering a breath away from her lips until she couldn't stand it anymore. Her hand grabbed behind his neck and the space between them was cleared in an instant. Their lips colliding again and again as they stood in the centre of the room completely oblivious to anything else.

He pulled back from her for a moment, watched her stand there with her eyes closed in expectation of more kissing. Only he didn't kiss her.

He stroked her face, his fingers brushing over her skin so gently it felt like a whisper. His thumb touching her lips for the briefest of moments, just long enough for her to taste him. Then his hand slid down her neck, followed the sweep of her clavicle to brush the strap of her bra and the sleeve of her blouse down her arm.

To that she opened her eyes with a sharp intake of breath she looked at him with those darkened lust filled eyes he had seen her wear before only this time he didn't plan to give in to his mounting passion.

He wanted to savour every moment, every touch, every taste and he wanted her to savour it too. He wanted to taste her, to hear her moan and tremble in his arms especially now he had her alone, in his apartment. He could count on one hand the number of women who had been here. and that included his mother, Sara and Catherine.

He slowly unfastened the buttons along the front of her top, holding her eye the entire time. He carefully slid the blouse over her shoulders allowing it to fall to the floor as he traced soft kisses along her shoulder and neck. Her breathing had changed to gasps, her chest heaving in and out rhythmically as he folded the cups of her bra away and moved his lips over the exposed flesh. She ran her hands through his hair as he slipped his own up her back to unhook the clasp with little trouble.

Her bra fell to the floor along with her blouse and his hands hungrily explored her breasts, his tongue and lips sending tingles of electricity through her body then there was a knock at the door and a twist of the handle. They froze, glued to the spot unable to even breathe.

"Nicky? You there? I just got off shift, heard you were back in town."

Nick took a deep breath and analysed the situation. Catherine was at his door, any minute now she would be peering in his window and she would know he was there. She knocked again a little more impatiently. Carey looked at him with wide eyes, caught in the act, there was no time for her to redress. Nick quickly whipped his t-short over his head and slipped it over her before heading to the door. Carey gathered up her discarded clothing and threw them into the empty laundry basket. She slipped onto a stool at the breakfast bar just as Nick opened the door wide and welcomed Catherine inside. She had two paper cups and a box in her hands.

"Catherine, hey uh come on in"

She immediately laid eyes on Carey as she attempted to look casual and very interested in the worktop all of a sudden. Her eyes scanning over Nick's naked torso with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, if you're busy I can go... I should have called first" she passed Nick the box and cups and held out her hand towards Carey with a smile. "Catherine Willows, I work with Nick"

Carey stood up to shake her hand, Catherine looking her over with an air of an over-protective older sister.

"Carey Lewis, it's nice to finally meet you"

"Ahh Nicky's told you about me then? All good I hope!"

Nick moved around the two women into the kitchen area with the box and the cups. Passing one to Catherine and one to Carey as he pulled the lid of the box open to reveal a collection of donuts.

"Well you know, you bring me food, how could I say anything bad about you?" he said stuffing one into his mouth and sliding the box towards them. Catherine slid into the spare stool beside Carey sipping her coffee and regarding her carefully.

"Well, I know nothing about you, so what brings you to Vegas?"

"I'm only here for the night really, just passing through"

Catherine raised an eyebrow in Nick's direction masking her smirk with another sip of coffee.

"I met Carey in Hawaii Catherine, I'm pretty sure I told you about her"

Carey stared into her coffee cup, embarrassed by the whole situation as she saw Catherine's eyes fix on her discarded clothing in the basket.

"Oh right, yeah. Yeah you did tell me about her. Laughlin right? I think I've met your boss… uh Dempsey I think?"

Nick and Carey exchanged a look, unsure what to say, Carey's coffee cup still firmly stuck to her lip as though she was using it like a shield.

"Well he's a piece of work. Came on to me once at a forensics conference. Apparently he has a wife _and_ he was screwing someone at the office. Nasty piece of work if you ask me"

Carey looked like she might pass out from the stress, she pressed her eyes closed and placed the cup on the counter with a deep breath. Nick thought for a moment she was going to tell her. He held his breath as she pushed away from the counter.

"Excuse me; I have to go to the bathroom…. Coffee, you know?"

Catherine nodded and watched as Nick pointed her in the direction of the bathroom. He returned to the breakfast bar to intense scrutiny from her.

"You look different" she said with narrowed eyes. "What's her story anyway, she not like her boss?"

"It's complicated, and none of your business"

"Just looking out for you Nicky"

She rubbed his arm with a smile. A familiar gesture from her to let him know she meant no harm with her intrusion but he was left in no doubt that she knew he wasn't alone when she had dropped by. He dropped his voice to a whisper, watching the doorway for any sings of Carey returning.

"I know I'm supposed to run all girls past you Catherine but I was thousands of miles away"

Catherine didn't seem convinced, she tilted her mouth and narrowed her eyes at him as he grinned at her and passed her another donut.

"I love her, totally, completely, relentlessly and hopelessly in love"

A bright smile broke out over her face and she nodded slowly.

"In that case I better leave you two alone, you'll make my excuses?"

Nick nodded and pulled her into a warm hug before escorting her to the front door. Catherine was ferociously protective of 'her boys' she had seen them get hurt and make bad decisions too many times. She liked to make sure they knew that she looked out for them.

"Hey Catherine?" he called after her as she headed towards her car "…thanks"

She simply nodded and slipped into the driver's seat with a smile. He could hear Carey come back into the room; she crept across the floor until she was behind him and hooked her arms under his.

"Catherine had to go pick up her daughter"

"I really thought she was going to ask about James, was I really rude?"

Nick pressed the door closed and moved towards her quickly; she had barely stopped speaking when he pressed his lips hard against hers and held her close, almost squeezing her into his chest with feverish passion. She gasped at the unexpected urgency of it all which only encouraged him more. He needed her more than ever, needed to taste her lips on his and feel his skin touching hers. He pulled his top over her head with so much haste it was merely a gust of wind between them. Then her skin touched his like a bolt of lightning, he was possessed with an animalistic urge, like something inside him snapped and before he had any control over anything he was carrying her towards his bedroom, her legs wrapped firmly around his waist.

He threw her back on the bed, sliding her pants down and removing his own in one seemingly fluid motion. Then he pressed his body against her, his feathery kisses moving from her neck to her mouth until he was gazing into her eyes. His fiery with passion and urgency. He pressed his forehead to hers; he was beaded with sweat, breathless and trembling.

"I know you don't want to hear this" he slid his hand under her panties, a moan escaping her lips as his fingers danced around making her tremble in his firm grip.

"Tell me…" she gasped into his ear.

He pushed himself inside her as slowly as he could bear, the warmth coating him like honey and making him throb and pulse before he even made any movement.

"I love you; I want to love you every day and every night. Forever"

And he moved carefully, their bodies melting into each other. Their eyes never breaking contact until her sighs became moans and she squirmed under his movements. Barely able to breathe she threw her head back and squeezed her eyes together. His lips found her breasts as she shuddered and twisted in his arms and he pushed a little harder and a little faster.

"Oh Nicky, please… I can't." she was begging him to stop, the intensity too much for her but even if he wanted to there was no stopping him now.

He leaned over to whisper in her ear "let go, just let go. It's ok"

She clung to his shoulders, wrapped herself around him as much as she could and when she let go she couldn't stop. Her shaking and moaning continued until he came to a stop. His own release gripping him like a vice.

They collapsed back onto the bed, a mess of sweaty limbs and gasping breaths. His arm enveloped her, pulling her into his chest where she settled against him with his hand aimlessly stroking her hair as the sweet surrender of sleep washed over them. She felt his breathing slow, his heart beat calm against her ear and his arm relaxed against her gently. She carefully propped herself up on one elbow and watched him for a moment. Watched his lips part as his breath escaped, watched his eyelashes flutter in reaction to whatever he was dreaming. She placed a soft tender kiss on his sleeping lips, tasting the saltiness from them as she settled back into the crook of his arm she whispered to the room, to him, to no-one in particular.

"I love you too"

Because if she admitted that to him she knew she'd never be able to let go. As long as she didn't say the words it wouldn't be true. He would never hear it, he wouldn't be hurt. She wouldn't be admitting to anything but she felt his arm tighten around her, pull her closer and he placed a small sleepy kiss on her head.

"I know…."


	26. Chapter 26

**FINALLY! I am so sorry for my failure to update quickly. I struggled with this one but we're getting to the interesting stuff soon. bear with me. thank you once again to Otie1983 she is like my little inspiration on my shoulder (I haven't quite decided whether she's wearing Halo's or Horn's yet but watch this space)**

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><p>She lay there, unmoving for what felt like the entire night. The words echoing through her mind over and over again as she tried to get to grips with the situation she found herself in. could she have predicted a simple case mix up in the airport could have led to this moment? It was unlikely anyone could have predicted the last few months of her life and while she tried very hard to maintain a safe distance from Nick she realised that lying here beside him was comfortable, it was natural, it was easy. It was exactly where she belonged.<p>

She still couldn't sleep. There was only so much thinking one person could do in the middle of the night while the rest of the world slept. There was only so long she could ponder fate and destiny. She carefully slipped out of his embrace and padded out of the room as silently as she could, slipping his top over her head as she did so. From there she wasn't really sure what to do; it felt a little intrusive to be in his apartment unsupervised.

She wandered around the huge leather sofa, his remote controls arranged in a neat row on one arm made her smile a little. His desk lay untouched. The laptop closed over and a small cluster of photographs stood in frames on the shelf above. She picked one up and gazed at the huge gathering of smiling faces looking out at her.

"Hey you left the bed; I think we should make that against the rules"

She twirled around guiltily, very aware of the photograph still in her hands and suddenly worried that she was snooping.

"I… I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep"

He took the photo from her hands and gestured for her to sit down on the sofa.

"That's my family. The last time we were all together"

"ALL of them?"

He laughed and nodded, apparently he was used to people being shocked at his huge family.

"There are even more of us now. That was about 5 years ago. The last time I made it down"

She looked down at the group of people smiling out at her. She had grown up with an extended family of 'uncles' and 'cousins' but her home life had been relatively quiet. Her brother was a lot older than her and her dad was always rather distracted. She couldn't remember ever having a family Christmas, ever having sat around a table together and chatted about their day.

"That must be nice, bet you were never lonely as a kid"

"It sure makes you appreciate your alone time…"

A silence descended over them. They both stared at the image as they sat squashed up in a tiny corner of the massive sofa. There was a slight sadness in his expression and she figured that he probably missed them.

"Ok who's who?"

So Nick launched into a lengthy explanation of the dynamics of his family and they talked until the sun came up. The more he talked the more she relaxed until she found her eyes were heavy and her body was barely able to hold itself up.

"You want to get some sleep?" he asked stroking her face gently.

"No, I just need some coffee and I'll be fine. We have to get going soon. It's a long drive"

His face fell, he had forgotten about taking her home. In a roundabout way he had hoped that when she got here she would change her mind, as ridiculous as that sounded. He moved into the kitchen to get the coffee machine started. She leaned on the back of the sofa to watch his movements intently with a small smile as he looked into the fridge.

"I got nothing, sorry. We can go out for food? I can show you around?"

He handed her a mug of coffee and flopped back down beside her. She took a long sip of coffee with her eyes closed, settling back onto the soft leather with a sigh.

"Sounds great, let's try and stay away from the police station this time"

An hour later, rejuvenated and redressed they were back in Nick's car driving through the streets of Las Vegas blinking in the bright sunshine. Carey insisted after breakfast they started the drive to her apartment then presently fell asleep curled up on the front seat. Nick didn't try to hide his disappointment, after having her to himself for so long it would be a wrench to let her go home so abruptly. Not that he had time to spend with her anyway; he had to go back to work tomorrow. She woke just as they approached the Arizona state line.

"Sorry"

She uncurled her legs and looked out around groggily. A strange sense of foreboding settling deep in her stomach, the butterflies becoming even more and more energetic as the miles ticked by.

"That's ok; you're kinda cute when you're drooling"

"I do not Drool!" she grinned through narrowed eyes.

She directed him towards Boulder City with minimal enthusiasm. Her apartment was in a small complex by the river. In contrast to Nick's home this place was as feminine as you could get. Balconies covered in flowers poked out from the front, tree's swayed in the breeze surrounded by tiny fences and intricately designed benches, the foyer was marble and echoed with their footsteps as the approached the wide stairs.

She slowed as she approached the top of the stairs, staring at her door with a frown. A white piece of paper was stuck over the numbers. Huge red lettering spelt out 'EVICTION NOTICE'

"Did I mention James is also my landlord? I should really have seen this coming"

Nick snatched the paper from the door reading it carefully as she tried her key in the door. It didn't even turn, she was beginning to think everything was against her lately. She leaned back against the wall and banged her head against it with a sigh.

"He's changed the locks already! Can he do that?"

He took the key from her hand and twisted in the lock to no avail. Eventually he pushed her out of the way, took a few steps back and threw all his strength into kicking open the door.

"No he can't"

"What are you doing?" she laughed "it's not like I can just refuse to leave"

"No, but you can collect your things and come home with me"

She really felt like her heart stopped right there. She couldn't seem to form any words at all as she stared at him. He was waiting for an answer, waiting for her to throw her arms around him and accept his offer with excitement and enthusiasm but someone had pressed the pause button on her brain.

Nick stepped through the door, looking around at the comfy furniture and trinkets dotted around. It was everything his apartment was not. Cluttered, homely and welcoming, the sunlight poured in through the huge doors leading out to the sunny balcony.

"Where's all your flowers?" he asked noticing the bare railings. The change in subject seemed to switch on her brain again and she walked across the room toward him with an embarrassed smile.

"They kept dying, so I got rid of them. But I do have these"

She leaned down to a switch beside the door and a chain of tiny butterflies weaved in and out of the railing lit up twinkling in different colours.

"You can leave those here…"

"Look Nicky, I…"

He stopped her with a finger to her lips; she closed her eyes steeling herself for whatever he was going to say. Whatever it was she had to remain calm and composed and get her point across. It was moving too fast and if she was honest she really liked her sanctuary away from the world.

"How about, we just say it's temporary. You stay with me in Vegas until you find an apartment or decide that you actually really like living with me"

She rolled her eyes but he didn't wait for an answer, instead he took off for a wander around her apartment. Gazing at the eclectic collection of trinkets and collectables, she had a tendency to buy everything and anything she found interesting.

"you know I would be a terrible roommate"

Carey followed him around the room, attempting to discourage his plans in the most gentle way possible and receiving nothing but a sideways glance and a half smirk.

"I'm used to my own space. I'm totally unorganised, I never sleep at normal times, and I hate doing housework… I sing in the shower…. Badly. I cry at the TV, I answer the door to everyone, I'll talk to all your neighbours…"

She was rambling. She recognised she was but she couldn't stop herself, luckily Nick had found the perfect way to make her stop talking and he kissed her long and lovingly.

"I'm hardly ever there, I sleep during the day, I have a cleaner, I like bad singing and I'll get a chain for the door… ok?"

"It's too soon, you'll hate me"

"I promise to tell you if I ever hate you but I promise that will never happen"

So the decision was made, apparently Nick wouldn't take no for an answer. They started packing things away in silence stealing glances every now and then until the peace was shattered by someone stomping up the stairs. James appeared in the doorway with an almighty scowl deforming his features. His eyes immediately fell on Nick, a slow recognition casting over him as he surveyed his broken door and the jumble of bags and boxes on the floor.

"I should have known you'd stick your nose in" he growled in Nick's direction "this is breaking and entering; I could have your job for that"

Nick had had just about enough of James' empty threats and vicious tone but he clenched his jaw and held onto the box in his arms a little tighter. He didn't expect Carey to pipe up in his defence.

"I could have you job a thousand times over James so back off and let me get my things"

For a moment both men were stunned, they exchanged a confused look before Nick shrugged and continued packing her things away. The rage radiating from James was palpable and he clearly didn't appreciate being ignored. He moved across the room and snatched the box from Carey's hand with a snarl.

"You have no right to be here anymore Carey, you need to leave"

She grabbed the box back with narrowed eyes and spoke through gritted teeth.

"That's exactly what I intend to do James and I hope I never set eyes on you again"

Nick liked the new assertive Carey; he smiled to himself as he hoisted the box up and grabbed as many bags as he could carry. Carey knelt down to gather up her bags when James grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up to look at him. It took him all his self-control not to lunge at him in a fury of fists but one look from Carey told him to back off.

"I've placed you on medical leave; you won't have to see me again"

"Fine, let's get out of here Nick. I could use some air"

He wasn't sure if he would have been able to get her to leave so easily if James wasn't there breathing down their neck. She didn't get the chance to overthink everything anymore they simply gathered up her things and headed for the door. As she approached the front door she glanced back at a more solemn looking James, gazing around an apartment now void of personality.

"I loved you, you know Carey, at least I thought I did"

She didn't know what to make of sentimental, non-aggressive James. That was the man she had travelled halfway across the country for. The man she had put her life in danger for but that had been a long time ago. She wasn't a vulnerable young woman anymore; she didn't need his approval anymore.

"You loved me when I was broken, you didn't try to fix me. Nick … Nick has done more for me in 3 months than you did in 15 years"

Nick carefully slipped his arm around her as they took the stairs. James had been left standing in the centre of the apartment wrestling with his own demons. It was time for Carey to move on.

With his car loaded up with her belongings and a rather deflated looking Carey in the front seat Nick drove off heading for the highway and back to Vegas. He spent the whole journey trying to come up with something witty or humorous to say to break the mood. She seemed to have retreated into herself and as they pulled up to his bland apartment again he could see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes as she defiantly fought against them.

"Hey, it'll be ok. I promise"

She nodded weakly as she stepped out of the car; her skin had taken on that chalky white complexion again. He was worried about her; it was easy to forget she was sick when they were occupied, when she looked well. When she looked like this it was all too evident. It didn't go unnoticed that she got tired really easily or that she would subtly press her hand to her stomach to control her pain. He noticed her coping mechanisms easily because he was watching for them; he wondered if she was even aware she was doing it.

"Come on, I'll make us some food"

Her bags were piled in a corner to be sorted another day. They had spent a large portion of the day driving and they were both bone tired. He stared into his fridge with a heavy sigh.

"I still got nothing; I'll jump out to the store"

She watched him leave with a smile on her face but inside she felt like she was breaking apart. Her whole body ached, her head was pounding, her heart was racing and her conscience was screaming at her to think this through. She had just agreed to live with a man she barely knew, she was really, very sick. She knew that there was every chance she would get even sicker and she had simply packed up her things and marched out of her home. Now she had nowhere else to go, he was lumbered with her. With his poor, sick, homeless girlfriend. She was already a burden.

Despite her internal dialogue staging protests she was completely exhausted and she practically sunk into the soft leather of his sofa. A college jersey was draped over the arm of the chair and that's where she rested her head. It smelled of him and that comforted her, it relaxed her to the point that she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore and when he got home from the shop that's how he found her.

He figured she wouldn't sleep for long so he went ahead and made their food. He would never claim to be a five star chef but he knew how to whip up a good meal. The smell of his cooking must have roused her from her dreams because she slowly sat up and peered at him over the back of the sofa.

"I keep falling asleep on you, great company huh?"

He slid two steaming hot plates onto the counter with a grin. "That's ok; I cook better without an audience anyway"

She took a seat beside him and they ate together. He watched her struggle with every mouthful after a few minutes. He hadn't really realised how much weight she had lost or how she barely ate. They went out to eat all the time but he didn't think he had ever seen her finish a whole plate. When he finished he took her plate away with a sympathetic look, there was no point in her forcing food down her throat. If she was going to live here he was going to notice her lack of eating at some point.

"You should find a doctor soon Carey, you really can't afford to lose much more weight if you can't eat much"

She pushed him out of the way to take over cleaning the plates. "I'll be fine"

He pressed against her, his hand slipping into the warm soapy water and finding hers, his lips nuzzling her neck as they cleaned the last plate together. It was surprisingly sensual. She turned around in his arms and clasped his face in her hands, pulling him towards her for a kiss. The bubbles from the sink slid down his face slowly and she bit her lip to try and stifle the laugh escaping her mouth. His hands sunk into the water and brought out a small cluster of bubbles the he gently placed on her nose.

"Oh that's not fair, mine was an accident!" she said as she deposited a large handful of bubbles in his hair.

Before long they were almost saturated and the apartment was filled with laughter. It only took a second for the mood to change; he pulled her close to his body. A long slow kiss making her almost melt as his hands grasped her waist and lifted her onto the edge of the counter with ease. That was all it took, the playful laughter had left the room, replaced by passionate sighs and hungry kisses.

He marvelled at the way her wet clothes clung to her body, carefully peeling her shirt from her shoulders and letting it fall onto the counter with a wet thud. She loved how his hands slid over her damp skin sending ripples of electricity to the very tips of her toes. He traced a line along the inside of her leg as he discarded her pants then he traced the line all the way back up again.

His bare chest glistened with the water from the bubbles; she grazed her hands over him slowly and gently as their lips met again. His fingers tangled in her hair as he slid her to the edge of the counter. They were completely lost in each other as their passion took over. She hooked her legs around him and locked her arms around his neck, rocking her hips in rhythm with him. Her hair swished around at her back, she arched her back as his movements became more intense, more desperate and hungry until he shuddered to a slow stop sending her body into a glorious wave of excitement and burying his face into her neck.

"Do you always do the washing up like that? No wonder your cleaner is so thorough" she breathed as he continued to press her body against his.

He made no movement to part from her; in fact she was sure he was pulling her even closer, burying his face in the mass of hair draped over her shoulder. She slipped her hands to his shoulders and pushed him back to look into his eyes.

"What's the matter?"

He shook his head sadly and moved along the corridor without a word. Confused, Carey hopped down off the counter and hastily gathered her wet clothes that were littered around the room. She sheepishly headed for the bedroom, a little scared to ask why he was acting so strangely. She found him in his bedroom, seated on the edge of the bed with a yellow pages wide open and a pen in his hand.

"What's going on Nick?"

He slid the book across the bed; he had circled an oncology doctor with bright red pen.

"I made you an appointment for tomorrow morning"

"What brought this on?"

"Carey, you're really sick. I'm not ready to let you go"

Part of her was pleased he was so worried about her. She sat down on the bed beside him and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Her plan to hide her symptoms from him and pretend everything was fine was already failing, he could see right through her.

"I'm not going anywhere…"


	27. Chapter 27

**ok I did warn you we were going to get dramatic again right? we're on build up here AND I even managed to link it into season 10 so we have a timescale going on in print and not just in my head! let me know what you think! xx**

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><p>Carey sat nervously perched on the edge of the exam table playing with her hands. She could see Nick in the waiting room tapping his feet on the floor restlessly. An angelic looking toddler with shining blonde pigtails handed him a doll and she couldn't help but smile at his awkward attempts to give it back.<p>

Her new doctor was a kindly old man. He had already taken to calling her Petal and passing her strawberry sweets at every appointment. The oncology care in Las Vegas was far better than anything she had received in Boulder City. In 8 weeks she had already been seen 4 times and had a CT scan. This was her heavily anticipated follow up appointment, where they would make the major decisions regarding her treatment and care. Nervous was an understatement.

"Now Petal, you feeling ok?"

Dr Devlin passed her a basket of sweets with a smile and a wink. He reminded her of Santa Clause, thick white hair, full beard, shiny red nose and sparkling blue eyes. Not to mention his rather expansive midriff.

"I'm ok, a little nervous"

"Well let's see if we can put those nerves to rest shall we?"

He pulled out a file and tapped away on his computer. It took all her will power not to look at the screen. She had made a promise to herself that she wouldn't race ahead of the results so instead she focussed her attention on Nick. He was desperately trying to reject the little girl's offer of a rather hairy looking lollipop.

"OK, Carey, will you lay back for me please Petal?"

She dutifully dropped back on the bed, her eyes briefly falling on the CT images before she squeezed her eyes closed in an attempt to keep her promise. Dr Devlin warmed his hands and carefully peeled back her shirt. He pressed down on her abdomen slowly and methodically, nodding to himself before returning to his computer.

"You can get up now; tell me how you've been feeling"

She sat up slowly, attempting to supress the dizziness making her head spin. Nick caught her eye and she smiled briefly before turning her attention back to the doctor.

"I've been good"

Dr Devlin appeared to know her a lot better than she thought. He pulled the blind down on the small window and raised an eyebrow in her direction.

"Your friend isn't here so don't you go lying to me now"

She stared at her feet and shrugged. It seemed as though everyone could see through her these days.

"Ok let's try it this way…"

He picked up a clipboard and pen and started running off a list of symptoms and checking them off on his chart.

"Nausea, pain, lethargy, loss of appetite, dizzy spells insomnia…"

The fact that almost everything on the list applied to her gave her a sinking feeling deep in her stomach as Dr Devlin passed her another sweet and transferred the CT images onto a big screen on one wall. He didn't need to point out how much it had spread. She could see almost immediately the horrible mass of blackness clinging to her organs like an oil slick.

"I got your scans sent over from Boulder City. It's looking like a 20 – 30% growth in 9 months"

She simply nodded as she stared, she wasn't sure she could form words if she wanted to. Certainly not coherent. Intelligent words anyway.

"We can't operate, not right now anyway. A combination of chemotherapy and radiotherapy may shrink the mass enough but we would have to start right away"

Still words failed her. She knew that even with the gruelling treatment plan she was likely to be carrying around this invisible killer for the rest of her life. Still, echoing in her mind was a promise she had made to Nick what felt like a lifetime ago. Dr Devlin looked at her with concern in his eyes.

"Shall I get that boy of yours to come in and help us out here?"

He was moving towards the door and she was suddenly snapped out of her daydream. It was one thing for her to be hearing these things but it was entirely different for Nick to hear them.

"NO!.. Uh, no I… I'm fine. We'll do it, let's give it a try"

Dr Devlin sat down on his chair and took her hand gently; his expression had such sympathy in it that she could feel tears forming in her eyes.

"Now you listen to me Petal, this is gonna get tough. You'll need that nice man out there to look after you so I don't want to hear that he had no clue do you hear?"

She nodded sadly but internally she was making a vow that Nick would only ever find out what he absolutely needed to. The last thing she wanted was for Nick to be looking after her.

Her first IV was hooked up and arrangements made for an appointment 3 times a week. Dr Devlin ushered her to the door with an arm around her shoulders. He promised to call when her treatment was set up. Nick immediately stood to greet them, thankful for an escape from his newest admirer. Dr Devlin shook his hand and called in his next patient. Nick and Carey stepped out of the clinic and into the cold air of Vegas in December.

"How did it go?"

She tried everything in her power to avoid answering the question but her distraction techniques were useless. He was persistent as well as observant.

"It was fine… let's walk home"

"Carey, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, it… it was fine. I've to go back next week"

She wasn't technically lying. She did genuinely have an appointment next week. She also had 3 further appointments this week but since Nicky had this urgent need to escort her to every appointment it seemed like a good idea to 'forget' to tell him about those. He was about to start grilling her about her treatment schedule, she could see it in his eyes but he was disturbed by his cell phone. He quickly placed a soft kiss on her head and answered. She suspected it was the lab, she had realised quite quickly how much of his life it monopolised. His schedule she could keep up with, she had even taken to matching his sleep pattern, it was the never-ending overtime and the constant call outs she struggled with.

"Greg and Sara are meeting for dinner. They won't take no for an answer…?" he cast her a pleading look and she shook her head in a desperate attempt to get him to say no. she was too tired, too drained and stressed to be socialising "we'll be right there, we're in the neighbourhood"

"Nicky" she pleaded "I'm not sure I'm up for being sociable today"

"Then be unsociable. Come on, you need to eat anyway"

She sighed as he took off in the opposite direction without waiting for her answer. He knew that she would agree anyway, she jogged a little to catch up with him and looped her arm around his. They met Greg and Sara in a bistro 3 blocks away; they were already ordering their food as they sat opposite them.

Nick pulled her chair out and gently squeezed her shoulder as he pulled away.

"Carey had an appointment a couple of blocks away" Nick said, pointing the statement at Sara knowing she would understand what he meant.

"You're not pregnant are you?" chimed Greg excitedly, he raised his hands defensively as 3 pairs of eyes glared at him "not that that would be a bad thing… unless _you _think it would be bad in which case… I'll stop talking"

"So… when's Grissom back in town?" Nick attempted to change the subject.

"I have no idea; he's pretty busy right now"

"You mean he's not home for Christmas?" asked Greg.

"I guess not" there was a hint of sadness in her voice "what about you guys?"

"I'm on shift" Greg declared proudly "I will be the Christmas crime solver extraordinaire"

"I bet Paris at Christmas time would be magical" Carey mused as Sara nodded and stared into her glass.

"Hey Christmas in Texas is magical too I'll have you know!"

Greg chuckled to himself "after a few beers maybe!"

As the boys launched into a friendly debate on Nick's family Christmases Sara turned to Carey with a friendly smile.

"So you're going to meet the Stokes'?"

"Yeah, not scary at all huh?"

Truth was meeting Nick's family terrified her. Firstly, there were over 20 of them arriving for Christmas dinner. She had gone over the photograph a million times in an attempt to memorise their names and she wasn't sure she could remember a single one. Secondly, Nick was the youngest and the last time he had brought a girl home he was a teenager and his sisters had grilled her so much she broke up with him the next day. They were fiercely protective of their little brother but judging by the smile it put on Nick's face when she agreed to go she figured it had to be worth it.

"You'll be just fine" Nick reassured her "they'll love you"

"I bet he has hot sisters too!" Greg ran his inappropriate mouth again and Nick threw a french fry at him in retaliation.

Their meal ended and they filtered out into the cold night air. The city was beginning to come to life and buzz with activity. Greg and Sara took off to head into work while Nick drove Carey home. He didn't wait around; his phone had sprung to life with a call out almost the second he sat in the car.

"Sorry, you going to be ok?"

"I'm a big girl Nicky, I'll be fine. Stay safe"

Her lips left a glorious taste on his as she pressed the door closed and vanished into the apartment.

XXX XXX XXX XXX

The shrill sound of her cell ringing woke her from her restless sleep on the sofa. Why she could never make it to the bed she would never know. Nick's name lit on the screen as an excruciating pain coursed through her stomach causing her to double over in an attempt to control it. She couldn't answer the phone like this; he would know right away something was wrong. She clutched the cell to her chest and stumbled to the bathroom, heaving deep breaths into her chest. She turned the tap on full blast and clung to the side of the sink. The phone was still ringing.

"Hey you" she sang in her very best happy voice.

She could hear music in the background and laughter.

"You alright? Lose your phone again?"

Despite the pain and the dizziness gripping her head she smiled at his gentle tease as she sunk to the floor, her breathing becoming laboured again as her stomach was seized in another vice like grip of pain. She hadn't realised she was bleeding, she watched mesmerised as the dark red pool snaked its way along the white tiles towards her bare feet.

"I'm fine, I fell asleep is all"

"Ok. Good. The case was at a bowling alley today, few of us are gonna hit the lanes. You want to join us?"

She squeezed her eyes closed and pressed her head against the wall as a strong wave of nausea hit her. There was no way she could go bowling, she would be lucky if she could make it into the bedroom in one piece right now.

"Uh, you know, I'm not dressed or anything. I'll probably just go to bed and read"

"You want me to come home? You sound awful"

She really needed to get him off the phone. Her whole body trembled as she was overcome with another wave of nausea. This was why she hated the chemo; this was the horrific state she had gotten into last time. The water began overflowing in the sink and splashing to the floor, her muscles screamed at her as she tried to uncurl from her position on the floor to turn the tap off. How could this ever be worth it? She caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her skin pale and pasty, sweat making her hair stick to her face, deep dark rings around her eyes as she shook and desperately tried to keep her focus on the room. She could just imagine herself fainting while on the phone and Nick finding her in a pool of her own blood and overflowing sink water looking like this. He'd never leave her alone again.

"I'm just tired, don't worry about me. Go kick some ass. I'll still be here when you get home"

There was a loaded silence on the other end of the phone; she could just picture him weighing up his options. She really didn't need him coming home to this.

"Have fun. I'm ok, I promise" she soothed.

"Ok, you'll call me if you need anything ok? Love you"

"Love you too, good luck"

She almost dropped the phone as she flipped it closed and fell to her knees over the toilet. It was good that he was to be out; she couldn't bear it if he was here to see this. She had been well prepared for it this time; James had never looked at her the same way when he had witnessed her post-chemo.

3 sessions of this a week would kill her.

When she finally stopped vomiting and shaking she turned her attention to clearing up the carnage that was now the bathroom. By the time she stood in the heat of the shower she felt like she was moving on autopilot. Her entire body aching and weak she stumbled to the bed, glad to be snuggled in her softest PJ's as she slipped under the duvet and found sleep almost immediately.

He slipped into bed beside her a few hours later. His body cold in stark contrast to her warmth, he snuggled against her gently and she sunk into his arms.

"Who won then?" she whispered.

"I don't want to talk about it"

She turned around in the bed, glad that her adverse reaction to the chemo drugs was short lived. She actually felt like she was half alive now. She met his eyes with a small smile and a hand on his cheek.

"That means you lost"

"Technically Greg cheated!"

"Oh Nicky, no-one likes a sore loser!" she could just picture Greg's victory dance and Nick's false anger at the situation.

"Now no-one likes me? This day keep getting better"

She laughed as she pulled him to her lips, her hands running through his hair.

"I know someone who likes you a lot"

She recognised the cheeky glint in his eye before he even responded.

"Well could you give her my number please because I could do with the ego boost?"


	28. Chapter 28

**Merry Christmas to you all. I'm a little tired and a little stressed today so forgive my authors note for its lack of wittiness lol I hope you enjoy this chapter. more up soon, hope you are having a wonderful day xx (oh also the start of this ties in with 'better off dead' just so you know...)**

"Guy tried to kill himself today" Nick said as he solemnly packed his clothes into a bag "jumped right off the building in front of our eyes"

She looked up at him from her position on the sofa, curled up and painting her toenails for their much anticipated trip to Texas.

"Wow, did he get hurt then?"

"No, we'd already set up a cushion but it's still sad. How could anyone consider taking their own life? I just don't get it"

Carey quickly darted her gaze away from him and returned to her toes.

"I get it..."

It was almost a whisper, had the TV been on or he wasn't paying complete attention he would have missed it altogether. Her words burned into his brain and tore into his soul. Suicide was something he struggled to get his head around. His entire career he had dealt with people fighting until their last breath to stay alive. Praying that last breath would come faster just didn't make sense to him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked trying to keep his voice calm and soothing.

He abandoned his packing to circle the sofa and crouch down in front of her. The sadness in her eyes was heart-breaking as she met his eye. She had been getting sicker lately. She thought she was hiding it from him but he could see the signs. The way her eyes drooped with exhaustion for most of the day, the way she would walk slightly slower, slightly off keel to distribute the pain she felt, the way the dark circles around her eyes contrasted with her pale skin and her incredibly dry lips. He had also noticed her waking at all hours to aimlessly pace around the house or sit out on the landing outside to breath in the fresh air of the sunset.

"I don't mean me Nicky! I just mean I can understand why someone would consider ending their life. Especially if… if it's probably going to end soon anyway"

Her words held a not so hidden meaning and he was left reeling from the suggestion that she had considered such an act. He sat beside her on the sofa watching as she painted her nails as though she hadn't a care in the world.

"You haven't considered… that. Have you?"

"We see death so differently Nicky" she began, her eyes glistening with unshed tears "you spend your life listening to the dead, telling their stories, hearing their screams. You see the life in death. I get the shell. The broken empty body with no soul, emptiness. Death doesn't scare me, it's a release, it's… its like freedom"

He could feel anger welling inside of him. To hear her speaking like this frightened him.

"Death doesn't scare me either Darlin' but that doesn't mean I want to go inviting it before I'm ready"

Her eyes fell from his again and she slowly screwed the lid back on the nail polish. Her movements were deliberately slow; she was stalling for time and composing her thoughts before she spoke.

"When I'm ready, will you be?"

He felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He couldn't breathe for a moment as her words sunk in. he couldn't believe he was actually having this conversation, not now, not so soon. Surely she wasn't sick enough to be contemplating death already. She didn't meet his eye again until the silence got unbearable; all he could think about was grabbing her by the shoulders and giving her a good hard shake. As though by doing so he would shake those horrible thoughts from her mind, he wanted her to fight. To have a will to survive and not just give up and let it win. He thought he had given her enough worth fighting for.

"No, no I won't be. I'll never be ready"

Despite the anger he was feeling he wrapped her in his arms, pulled her close to his chest and laced his fingers through her hair. If he had to sit like this forever just to make sure she stayed strong he would do it, despite the inevitable protests from Carey. She was incredibly defensive about her appointments lately, insisting he goes to work instead of going with her. He was trying to get involved without taking over but she wasn't making it easy to support her right now. He wasn't even sure what kind of treatment she was getting, if she was even getting any. He carefully tilted her head up to look at him when her breathing had calmed enough for him to be sure she wasn't crying.

"Do you want to cancel our trip to Texas? We could think of another way to amuse ourselves over the holidays I'm sure."

"No, definitely not. Let's forget about all of this. We have to leave soon anyway"

She wriggled out of his arms and disappeared into the bedroom. He was beginning to really worry about her. Hopefully a trip to Cowboy country was just what they needed. He followed her into the bedroom; they were packed up and ready to go.

"Flights not for another 2 hours, you want to go to the airport and get some food while we wait?"

She was holding something behind her back with a cheeky glint in her eye and a smile. He recognised that smile; he'd been on the receiving end of that smile before. She was up to something,

"I can think of something better to do"

She pressed herself against him and swept her arms up his back slipping a Santa hat on his head as she kissed him.

"Oh no, that's not gonna happen" he laughed as he tried to pull it off.

"Don't be a scrooge, it's kinda sexy. Little old Saint Nick"

"Less of the old thank you but I'll take the saintly. If I'm Saint Nick then where's my Mrs Clause?"

He was completely astounded when she took a small step back, dipped her head and unbuttoned her blouse to reveal her rather 'festive' underwear. Red lace trimmed with soft white fur leaving very little to the imagination.

He cleared the space between them in seconds, quickly pulling the Santa hat back onto his head and wrapping his arms around her.

"Well Ho, Ho, Ho it is then!"

She seemed to have the need to be in control this time. She slowly removed his sweater, rubbing her hands over his chest with trembling anticipation. His hands rested on his hips as he pulled her closer for a kiss, when she pulled away from him she held his gaze as she pushed him back onto the bed.

He wasn't sure he could keep up his current uninvolved stance, he wanted nothing more than to throw her back on the bed and show her just how saintly he could be but he recognised her need to tease him today, she was always teasing him. She must enjoy driving him crazy.

Painstakingly slowly she unfastened the buttons on the front of her pants and slipped them over her long legs. The panties matched her bra and fastened to a pair of red stockings with a furry suspender belt. She had apparently planned this well.

Without a word she dropped to her knees before him and slipped off his shoes and socks, maintaining eye contact the entire time. As she made her way up his body she met his lips for a long slow kiss as her hands unfastened his pants and set him free.

He really wanted to put his hands on her but every time he tried she pushed him off. She began slowly placing deliciously soft kisses down his chest and his stomach, pausing along the edge of his boxers before she sensually slipped them down his legs as she held his eye again.

When he felt her mouth close around him he thought he would explode. He threw his head back on the bed and closed his eyes tightly. He couldn't look at her, not until he regained his composure. It was sure to send him over the edge and he wanted this to last forever. Her tongue flickered over him, sending waves of electricity all over his body. She was still teasing him, taking a little at a time into her mouth and then withdrawing to breathe cold air onto him, driving him wild.

"Carey…" he couldn't take it anymore, this had to stop she was giving him sensations he had never felt before; his muscles were clenched in a tight knot. He had to regain control.

"My turn" he breathed as he raised her to him and threw her back on the bed.

He wanted to make her scream, to have her writhing in his arms while he was in control. Her darkened eyes spoke to him in a way that told him she didn't need teasing, she didn't need his fingers dancing over her soft skin or his lips to caress hers. She needed him to make love to her and he was happy to oblige.

She moaned a throaty, gasping moan as he entered her. he loved to hear her moan, loved to make her tremble and shake as he brought her to the edge all the while struggling to hold onto his composure together long enough to witness her surrender. He started off slowly, pressed against her with their lips dancing over each other's and his hands wrapped in her hair but before long he had settled into a rhythm and was beginning to feel that all too familiar urgency building up within him. He pulled away to a standing position and slid her to the edge of the bed, using his hand to support her lower back as he thrust into her with a desperation and overwhelming desire.

When she reached out to him with a desperate gasping of his name and her nails on his back he collapsed into her arms and nuzzled her neck. Their bodies and souls merged together as they climaxed and held each other close.

Sweat glistened on his body as he pulled back to gaze into her eyes and stroke her soft cheek.

"I think I got the best Christmas present ever this year"

"Smooth talker" she teased rolling out from under him "come on we've got a flight to catch"

Xxx

Touching down in Texas the chill hit them immediately. Nick put his arm around her as they hailed a cab. His parents had offered to collect them but with every member of the Stokes family visiting over the next 3 days he figured they would be pretty busy. She slipped into the seat and fiddled with the edge of her coat. She was nervous and it was glaringly obvious. He reached out and squeezed her hand in an effort to calm her nerves.

When the cab pulled up outside the ranch he could see immediately it was a hive of activity. Christmas music filled the air and the chatter of a happy family almost drowned it out. Nick paid the driver and turned to see Carey taking in her surroundings for the next 3 days.

"What do you think?"

"A ranch? You couldn't get more predictable than that Nicky"

He swung his arm around her neck and kissed her cheek as his mother appeared in the doorway with a beaming smile and open arms. She almost ran across the porch to hug him, obviously very pleased to have her baby boy back home for the holidays. After a few moment hugging her back Nick pushed his mother away and introduced Carey. She was hanging back looking lost and uncomfortable.

"Mom, this is Carey. Carey, I'd like you to meet my mother Jill"

Carey stretched out her hand to Jill's with a shy smile but Jill gathered her into a warm hug as the rest of the family filtered out of the house to greet them. There was a rabble of laughs and jabs in the ribs, punches to his arm and squeezes all round. His little niece's and nephew's pulling at his legs excitedly.

Nick ushered her inside after he made his introductions and made a beeline for his old bedroom. It didn't look like his old bedroom any more of course; it had long since been re-decorated as a guest room. He tossed the bags onto the bed and pulled her in for a gentle kiss.

"So what do you think? Are we gonna survive 3 days?"

"Well they haven't eaten me alive yet, I think we might be ok"

They were interrupted by a knock at the door, Nick opened it and a slim woman with cropped black hair smiled at them.

"Sorry guys, mom just wants you to know dinner will be in half an hour"

"Thanks Jules, we'll be there"

Julie was Nick's closest sibling in age. There was barely 3 years between them and they had always been close. For now she had her eyes on Carey, she stepped into the room with a slight frown cast over her features.

"You know, I could swear I've met you before Carey, have you ever been in San Francisco?"

Carey and Nick exchanged a look as Julie kept talking.

"I own a little hairdresser down there you see but I worked in a big Salon before just off the main shopping district." She was studying Carey very carefully; she had obviously inherited the suspiciousness associated with families in law.

She dropped her voice to a whisper "it was owned by this notorious crime family, some kind of money laundering business. Anyway it closed down when the head honcho got sent to jail"

Nick thought Carey might pass out from holding her breath, he could see her struggling to come up with an answer. He carefully grasped Julie by the shoulders and steered her out of the door muttering something about that being before Carey's time. He knew it wouldn't be enough to quash his sister's curiosity but it would at least buy them some time to think up a suitable cover story.

He turned back to Carey when he pressed the door closed. She had pulled her hair back into a pony tail and was rummaging in her back for a change of clothes.

"I'm going to jump in the shower before dinner is that ok?" she smiled at him, obviously his sisters proximity to revealing her true identity hadn't bothered her as much as he thought it would.

"Want some company? He slid his hands around her waist and pulled her against him, slowly undressing her as he showered tiny kisses on her neck. She was putty in his hands, he had complete control and he loved it. That was until there was another knock at the door. She disappeared into the bathroom as he headed off to answer. His oldest brother stepped into the room; he really looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was going through a messy divorce and said he just wanted to chat, by the time Carey stepped out of the bathroom dressed in only a towel Nick had only just managed to get him out of the room with a promise of a long chat down at the bar after dinner.

"What happened to our conjugal shower?" she grinned towelling her hair absentmindedly.

"Sorry babe, my brother needed a shoulder. I'm gonna head down and let you get ready ok?"

She nodded and padded back into the bathroom to dry her hair.

Xxxxx

"Carey?" a woman's voice penetrated the room; she recognised it as the same sister who had been here earlier. The San Francisco sister who had worked for her father. Great.

"Carey, Nick asked me to come check on you … is everything ok?"

Everything was not ok; she stared down at the sink in front of her. Long strands and clumps of hair clinging to the sides of the white porcelain. This was awful, of all the times it could have happened it had to happen now. Here. On Christmas Eve.

She ignored Julie outside; she knew she would have to come out eventually. She would have to be a little over zealous with the concealer to hide the red rings around her eyes from crying and, well, she wasn't sure what she could do about the hair. She heard a shuffling and a shaking on the door to the bedroom. She figured she was safe as the lock was firmly fastened but Julie had other ideas. Within minutes she was standing beside her in the bathroom taking in the scene.

"What's going on? Are you losing your hair?"

She really couldn't help the tears from falling. It was ridiculous to form an attachment to your hair and she was well aware that it was a common side effect of the radiotherapy but it didn't make this any easier.

"It's the radiotherapy; it kills all the follicles… I thought I had more time. Nicky doesn't know"

Julie quickly crossed the bathroom and held her in a friendly hug.

"He doesn't know you have cancer?"

"He doesn't know I'm getting radiotherapy, he doesn't know I get sick, he doesn't know I'm losing my hair…"

"Hey this isn't that bad, I can fix this easy. No-one will ever know."

She ran off in the opposite direction leaving a very confused and astounded Carey standing in the middle of the bathroom. When she came back she was carrying a silver case which unfolded to reveal every hairdressing implement anyone would ever need. Julie slid a chair through from the bedroom and Carey dutifully sat down to await her transformation. Tears fell right along with her hair, she would never have intentionally went to a salon to have her hair cut short but needs must and she trusted Julie.

"Nicky will hate this you know, he loves my hair"

Julie smiled at her in the mirror "he loves you and he will love you whether you have long, short or no hair"

Carey knew she was right and in reality her newly cropped hair wasn't all bad. Julie had made it quite funky, shoulder length with choppy layers and absolutely no sign of patchiness at all. She was a miracle worker.

"Why didn't you tell him?" she asked quietly as she put the finishing touches to her hair.

"I was trying to protect him. He doesn't need to know. This is hard enough for him"

"Don't you think it will be harder for him when he finds out you've been lying to him?"

She held her gaze in the mirror as Carey thought about what she said. She was right of course, Carey recognised that but she was terrified of scaring him off and even more terrified of hurting him. Julie packed up her case and patted Carey on the shoulder with a smile.

"Let's go get dinner; they'll think I've run off with you"


	29. Chapter 29

**Ok I wrote this out twice because my Laptop died halfway through *sigh* I maintain that my first version was better but this was as good as I could do from memory and at 2.30am! let me know what you think …. xxx**

He almost didn't recognise the woman walking down the stairs clutching Julie's hand. His eyes were drawn to her, his beer bottle poised before his lips as she met his eye with a coy smile. He had no idea what had prompted her transformation but this new flirty, sexy look was driving him wild already. She was nervous though, her knuckles were white as she gripped Julie's hand and he recognised that quiver of uncertainty in her eyes.

Julie gently nudged her in his direction with a nod. He was glad she had developed a friendship with Julie. Out of all his siblings she was the one he confided in most, the one who stood by him and always had his back. Carey made her way across the room, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear as she slipped into the seat beside him. He casually slung his arm around her shoulders and leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"You look beautiful"

"Thanks, your sister is amazing. I… I need to talk to you about something…"

He was about to suggest leaving the room when his father appeared in the doorway inviting them all through for dinner. Instead he whispered a promise that they would talk later as he guided her into the dining room. Dinner in the Stokes household was a full on affair. The long table was overflowing with food and the rabble of conversation was almost deafening. He had forgotten just how overwhelming his family could be. Even to him.

When the food had been eaten and the conversation subsided everyone went their separate ways. Some disappearing into the bar to continue their drinks, some putting children to bed, some helping to clear up and some heading off to watch TV in the family room. Nick pulled Carey's chair out and whispered in her ear.

"Come on, I want you to meet someone"

"Someone else? Your 20 strong family is not enough?"

"This is someone special…"

Reluctantly she followed him out. The dim light on the porch fighting against the ever darkening dusk outside. There was a chill in the air, the tree's lightly swaying in the breeze as he stepped out onto the lawn and turned back to see her standing there unmoving from her spot on the porch.

"Where are you going Nicky? It's cold and dark; can't we just stay in the bar?"

"trust me, this is important to me"

He reached out his hand knowing that she would take it, knowing that if he asked her to step into the fiery bowels of hell she would quite gladly do so as long as he said it was ok. Her hand slipped into his and she sent him a soft reluctant smile as he pulled her across the lawn and around the house to a small, long building with a lot of doors.

He pulled back the huge iron bolt on one of the doors and disappeared into the darkness inside. There was a shuffling and snorting and he reached his hands out to touch the strong brow of his horse.

"Whoa, easy boy. Easy. It's me, it's Nicky"

He cooed to the horse, stroking his nose as he nuzzled into him much like a very large puppy.

"Carey, I'd like you to meet Bolt"

She took one tiny step forward before retreating again.

"Bolt? You called your horse Bolt?"

"Hey, give me a break I was 12!"

He waved her over, clutching her hand and pressing it onto the bristly hairs of Bolt's muzzle. She was trembling, barely even breathing as though she had never been this close to a horse before. It was something he took for granted of course, he had been brought up on a ranch. Surrounded by siblings and animals. It came naturally to him, he was comfortable eating in the rabble of conversation, he was at home mucking out a stable or throwing endless sticks for his dogs. He realised that for Carey it wasn't so natural and easy. Every part of this was out with her comfort zone.

He moved to stand behind her. An act of both comfort and seduction. As Bolt snorted and shuffled she let out a low nervous giggle. He brushed her hair away from her neck as his arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer as she pressed her eyes closed. Her hand still rested on Bolt's nose as his lips traced soft kisses along her collarbone and back, nibbling on her ear before whispering to her.

"Can I take you for a ride?"

Her eyes shot open and she wriggled out of his arms, she was shaking her head before he even finished talking.

"No. no way. You will never get me on that thing Nicky. Never"

"Oh come on, you got me on a surfboard"

"There is little or no risk of a surfboard throwing you off and eating you for no reason"

He laughed at the path her rationale had taken but the fear in her eyes was real.

"I promise I won't let him eat you" he laughed "it'll be fun"

She narrowed her eyes and stretched her hand out to his as he helped her onto Bolt's broad, strong back. She was so nervous he could see her shaking as he swung his leg over with ease and nestled in behind her. She clung onto his arms as he took the reins.

"It will be fine, relax…"

She didn't acknowledge his words, just tightened her grip on his arms as he slowly steered Bolt out of the stable and out into open space. He waited until she relaxed enough for the blood flow to return to his arms before he quickened the pace. The night was beautiful, stars dotted the clear night sky, the sounds of only nature surrounded them, and she had no choice but to relax.

He carefully prised her hands from his arms and moved them to the reigns, relishing the nervous smile on her face. His lips found her neck, his fingers tracing tiny circles on her thigh as Bolt walked along in the moonlight. As she lulled her head back to his shoulder he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Let's go somewhere…"

She nodded quickly and he kicked his heels into Bolt's sides making him shoot off in the direction of the forest at breakneck speed. Carey squealed and resumed squeezing his arms in terror. He couldn't help but laugh as he steered Bolt in and out of the tree's headed for a secret place that only a select few people knew about.

A clearing in the trees gave way to a small bay by the side of a glistening moonlit lake. There wasn't a single soul as far as the eye could see, not a rustling in the bushes, not a far off light from a house or the whir of an engine. It was completely private. Nick jumped down from bolt easily; leading the horse to the water's edge for a drink with Carey still perched on his back afraid to move. He tied the horse to a nearby tree and reached up to help Carey down. His hands found her hips, his lips found hers as she slid down into his arms.

Far from the noise of the house the only sounds that accompanied their soft sighs out here were the crickets. He ran his hands through her new, shorter, sexier hair and pulled her lips to his again and again. When he drew his hands down her spine she shivered with anticipation, her breath almost purring in his ear.

He pulled her shirt over her head, barely breaking the passionate kiss they found themselves embroiled in. he stumbled to the ground, pulling her after him in a flurry of movements that somehow found him losing his own shirt. The cold night air nipped at his skin but the warmth of her body pressed against him drove him crazy. He leaned back against an overturned log, her hands now grasping either side of his face as she leaned into him.

He shuffled out of his pants, his fingers making light work of the zipper on hers. She stood in front of him and shimmied her hips, letting her pants fall to her feet. His lips danced around her belly button and the edge of her panties as she stood there, her hands folding up her back to unclip her bra and discard it to the side.

"You drive me crazy" he growled as she returned to her position on his lap, he hooked his hands around her legs on either side of him and thrust her hips against him. He would admit t missing her long hair swishing around her back as she moved but her sexy new hairstyle brought a whole new minx-like quality to her and the glint in her eye as she adjusted herself onto him excited him.

They had made love in the moonlight before, he had watched her curves highlighted by their silvery glow but somehow this was different. There wasn't the same heavy burden between them, the uncertainty had vanished. They were like kindred spirits, anticipating each other's movements like they were dancing their own private dance together.

The cold that had been biting at their skin was replaced by beads of sweat and grey puffs of air as they gasped and moaned into the darkness of the night. He was on the cusp, ready to cascade over the edge in a spectacular fashion when she suddenly bucked her body and threw herself backwards onto the soft grass almost screaming and permitting him the glorious view of her entire body stretched out there in front of him. His fingers lightly brushed over her neck, her breasts, her stomach and then he cupped his hands under her ass and thrust harder, watching as she twisted under his touch, under his control as he gave into the tension filling his body and bursting like an explosion.

In the afterglow that followed they relaxed in each other's arms watching the glow of the fireflies over the water and gazing at the stars. A shiver worked its way over his body and they dressed in silence until Carey met his eye with a sad little smile. He slipped his jacket over his shoulders, his hand feeling in the pocket for the Christmas present he had stashed there earlier.

"Nicky, I … I said earlier I needed to talk to you…"

"Ok me first, I uh… I got you something kinda special for Christmas."

He slipped the small velvet box out of his pocket and reduced the space between them to hold her hand. She started at the box; her eyes didn't hold the glee he had expected. They looked positively heartbroken.

"Now before you over-react this is not an engagement ring. I know that would freak you out but it's a promise…."

He opened the box to reveal a sparkling diamond ring, a cluster of3 diamonds on each side of a larger diamond in the middle. He plucked it out of the box and slipped it onto her finger.

"It's an eternity ring. I understand that you're not ready for the whole wedding thing; I understand that you want to get better first. This is a promise that I'll wait. As long as it takes. I promise I'll be here, I promise I'll love you. I'll never let you down"

Still she stared at the ring on her finger as though it was offending her somehow. He wondered briefly if he had done the right thing, he was suddenly very glad he had chosen to do this here instead of in front of the whole family in the morning. The doubt welling up within him was terrifying as she slowly raised her eyes to his. They brimmed with fresh tears, sparkling in the moonlight as they broke free and dropped to the ground. She threw her arms around his neck and held him close for what felt like hours; when she finally broke away she kissed him over and over again until he eventually decided it was time to head back.

She was less nervous on the ride home; Bolt was locked away in his stable with a fresh apple and a warm blanket. They wandered back into the house hand in hand. There were a few stragglers left in the bar, nursing their glasses of bourbon and whiskey and discussing world peace and their theories about the state of the economy. Nick's brother-in-law staggered over to him with a wide, drunken smile.

"Hey Tom, what's up? You goin to bed?"

"Hey I'm just getting started. It's a party! You joining us? Where have you been?"

"We … uh we went for a ride. I'm gonna go to bed. It's Christmas Eve Tom. Won't your kids be up at like 4am?"

Tom bent over double laughing and fell back into the chair behind him.

"My Megan is 16 years old. The only thing harder than getting her out of bed in the morning is prizing that cell phone out of her hands"

Nick pat him on the shoulder and left him to his hilarity. They made their way up the stairs as quietly as they could, sneaking into their bedroom unnoticed by the rest of the house. The huge soft bed was inviting, it coaxed them into its warm blankets. He sunk into the pillows a satisfied man, Carey nestled into the crook of his arm, her hand absentmindedly stroking his bare chest.

"Nicky…"

He was already falling asleep, the exertion of their night time horse riding expedition taking it out of him as his eyelids drooped and his breathing slowed.

"Hmmm….?"

She raised her head to look at him, his relaxation evident immediately. Now was not the time to be dropping bombshells about cancer treatments, she could let him be happy for the time being. At least until Christmas was over.

"I really think I am hopelessly in love with you you know"

"I know"

He squeezed her closer, not knowing about the pain coursing through her womb from their au natural encounter, not knowing about the almost suffocating exhaustion she was feeling not knowing how much the little ring perched on her finger actually meant to her.


	30. Chapter 30

**I am forewarning you that this chapter is quite sad in parts lol I SHOULD have posted this one on Christmas day however here we are. I would like to wish all you wonderful, Beautiful Reviewers a very Happy New Year. may all your dreams come true in 2012 xxxxxx**

* * *

><p>5 times she woke during the night; 5 times she struggled to control the nausea and crept out of the bed as quietly as she could manage. The fifth dose waved over her with surprising power, buckling her knee's as pain penetrated her body to the very core.<p>

She clutched onto the side of the sink, splashing cold water on her face. She wouldn't mind so much if she could actually be sick. In theory it should make her feel better instead the dry retching tore her throat and clenched her stomach only serving to accentuate her pain. Her trembling hands rummaged in her purse for her pain medication and she struggled to open the cap. It clattered into the sink, swirling around in the water circling the drain. Nick's arm appeared behind her, he fished the bottle out of the sink and clicked open the cap before handing it to her with a lingering look in her eyes. She met his eye in an attempt to convince him she was ok but it was no use, her eyes betrayed her, her body betrayed her as she felt that all too familiar heat rise up from deep inside her abdomen and spread across her body like ripples on water.

"Are you ok?"

She shook her head, her shoulders drooping as the tears came. She was physically and mentally exhausted, it was too much. Her doctor had been right she couldn't do this alone. She needed him to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was ok. Her legs couldn't seem to bear her weight anymore, her eyes couldn't focus, the room started to blur and spin out of control. This pain was different. This pain radiated up one side of her body, it felt like there was a huge pressure on her lungs, like her heart couldn't pound fast enough and her breaths were merely slipping right back out of her mouth until she was gasping for air as she collapsed on the floor.

The fearful expression on his face broke her heart; this is where it all goes wrong. Now he will run, as fast as he could in the opposite direction without so much as a backwards glance. That's what James had done; he had backed away from her when she needed him the most.

Nick wasn't like James. She had underestimated him, he moved across the room and wrapped his arms around her, brushing her hair out of her face and whispering reassuring words in her ear. He sat with her right there on the floor until the pain stopped.

Even then he didn't push her for information, didn't ask any difficult questions. He silently carried her to the bed, arranged the blankets around her and flicked on the TV. She watched him as he cleaned up the bathroom, the toiletries that had clattered to the floor when she fell were replaced and he fetched her a glass of water before sliding onto the bed beside her. He didn't snuggle down under the blankets with her; he sat on top with his arm around her and fixed his eyes on the television.

She tried to summon up the energy to tell him everything, tried to pull her body into a seated position and pretend to be a fully functioning, conscious human being but her pain medication often knocked her unconscious. That was the main reason that she waited so long to take them. Her patches were enough for day to day life but every now and again she couldn't handle what was happening to her, every now and then she needed a little something extra.

He just continued to stroke her hair until she fell into a deep sleep, curled up in the bed with her head resting on his chest and her hand clutching his as though, even in her dreams, she was too afraid to let him go.

XXX

He didn't sleep after that, he held her in his arms for the entire night and stared at the TV. He didn't see the images it threw out at him; the voices didn't bring comfort to him. He was thinking, thinking about her. She had been trying to tell him something for days; maybe if he had listened he could have helped her.

It was easy to forget, easy to keep things normal when they were at home. Here it was different, here there was always someone watching and she had done such a good job meeting everyone and even managing some food at dinner. He was proud of her, no-one here knew just how exhausting all this would be for her, he was well aware that a lot of her time was monopolized with trying to stave off the exhaustion. At home she could always collapse on the sofa or curl up beside him when he got home from shift. Here she was expected to behave like everyone else, she was expected to smile and dance and sing and cheer.

He had even expected those things of her; foolishly perhaps he had hoped that a break away from the monotony of their lives in Vegas would reignite that spark he had seen in her when he met her that very first day in Hawaii.

She had gallantly agreed to everything, without a whisper of an argument or a wince of pain and now here she was burning with a fever and shivering in her tormented dreams. As he stroked her hair in an attempt to calm her overactive, unconscious mind long strands of hair came away in his hands.

This was the reason behind the drastic haircut. He could have kicked himself for not seeing it before; of course she wouldn't have just gone off with Julie and got her hair chopped for no apparent reason. There was motive behind it, she was hiding it from people, and she was hiding it from him.

He uncurled his arm from around her and tucked her hair behind her ear. She was sound asleep at last as he folded the blankets around her and crept out of the room. He could hear the sounds of people down in the bar, still up and chattering at 4am. He slipped around the back of the stairs and out onto the porch without being seen.

He wasn't sure he could face listening to his brother moaning about his ex-wife anymore or Tom mourning the fact his daughters were both now teenagers and were more interested in boys and social networking than hanging off his every word.

"You avoiding the league of un-extraordinary gentlemen too?"

Julie was seated on the porch swing, rocking back and forth and sucking on a cigarette as she stared out into the open space of the garden.

"Uh… yeah kinda"

He tentatively perched on the seat beside her and joined her in staring into space until she flicked her packet of cigarettes towards him. It had been a long time since he had put a cigarette between his lips; he tried to think of a reason not to. If there was ever a time when having a cigarette was going to be beneficial it was right now, he had so much on his mind he could barely keep up with it.

He grumbled his thanks as she lit the end and he took a long drag. Julie was watching him; he could feel her eyes burning into him as he leaned back into the chair with a sigh.

"What's up Nicky? Girl troubles?" she queried.

"You could say that. She's, she's a lot sicker than I thought"

She simply nodded as though she already knew what he was going to say.

"She's been getting radiotherapy, it makes your hair thin and sometimes it falls out" Julie informed him as though she was telling him the weather "that's why I fixed her hair. She didn't want to upset you"

He stared at her as she slowly sunk back in the chair mirroring his actions with a heavy sigh of her own. She looked every bit as stressed and tormented as he did, they had both come out here in search of solitude. It was always something hard to come by in such a bust household.

"What's up with you?" he asked playfully pushing her leg.

"Girl troubles" she laughed as he moved to sling his arm around her shoulder "better off without them Nicky, I'm becoming a nun"

"Yeah right, and I'm becoming an astronaut!"

"That's cool, can I have a tour of NASA?" she laughed "I'm going to bed, you gonna be ok?"

He shrugged in her general direction, there was no point lying. Julie would see right through him anyway and he really wasn't sure they were going to be ok. Carey was such a secretive person; she had been keeping secrets from him since the day they met he really shouldn't be surprised that she was still doing it.

"I like her Nicky, she's good for you"

"She's been lying to me Jules, how can that be good?"

"Sometimes we lie to the ones we love so we don't hurt them Nicky"

She didn't wait for him to argue, just disappeared inside the house leaving him to his thoughts and his cigarette. The night sky didn't wield any answers; the noise from the bar penetrated his silence and reminded him that soon the house would be alive with activity again. The kids would be waking up to a magical Christmas morning, presents piled under the tree and enough food to feed a small country. He wondered how much of it, if any, Carey would be able to enjoy.

Sluggishly he heaved himself back to the bedroom, waving a tired hand towards the stragglers still loitering in the bar. He had barely reached the top of the stairs when his mother ran a protective hand over his face, waking him from his daze as she smiled gently at him.

"Mom, what are you doing up so early?"

"I always got up this early on Christmas morning when you were young. Do you think the food all made itself?"

He remembered his childhood Christmases, the smell of fresh bread and gingerbread men always woke him. The chaos that ensued in the family room as the sound of 7 children laughing and a multitude of presents being unwrapped filled the house.

"You need some help?" he asked kindly.

"Not at all, I like my quiet time. You do remember how crazy it gets around here on Christmas don't you?"

He nodded, suddenly gripped by exhaustion as he took the few steps towards his bedroom.

"hey Nicky?" his mother paused on the steps, smiling her soft reassuring smile at him as he turned to look at her "I'm really glad you're here son, we missed you"

"Me too…"

He crept into the room expecting to find her still asleep but the bed was vacant of life, the bathroom light cast a soft glow across the room and he followed the sound of running water with a feeling of dread. He wasn't sure he could bear to see her in so much pain again, looking so vulnerable and so afraid.

He was worrying needlessly, she was perched on the side of the tub watching the water as it flowed and churned making mountains of bubbles. She didn't look nearly as sick as she was earlier although the glimmer of exhaustion remained.

"I thought you'd still be sleeping…"

She smiled a soft smile, her eyes never leaving the water as she swirled the bubbles around with her hand.

"And I thought you'd run away…"

He turned the faucet, stopping the flow of water and waited until she met his eye as he crouched on the floor in front of her.

"I would never do that" he said softly "but you need to start keeping me in the loop a little bit"

She slid her hands along each side of his face and drew him towards her pressing their foreheads together.

"I'm sorry" she whispered "I promise. No more secrets"

"No more secrets" he nodded

She slipped her bathrobe over her shoulders and sunk into the bath with a long sigh. Nick started to rub her back as she told him all about the treatment and the sickness. He was amazed she had been able to hide it for so long. 6 weeks of treatment right under his nose and he hadn't batted an eyelid.

Nick wrapped her in a huge white towel when she stepped out of the tub. Sunlight was beginning to filter through the blinds and the glorious smells of his childhood were wafting up from the kitchen.

"Your mother is a goddess, I have no idea how she does it" she said slipping a dress over her head.

"By getting up at 5am apparently"

The unmistakable sound of children's excited Christmas morning cries filled the house as they thundered down the stairs. Carey ran her fingers through her hair and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Looks like its ShowTime"

"Are you gonna be ok with this?"

"I've had enough drugs to keep me pain free for at least 6 years Nicky. I'll be fine"

"I suspect you exaggerate Miss Lewis"

Hand in hand they entered the family room; it was positively brimming with people. Adults squeezed in to every available space to watch the children's face's light up with joy and amazement. 'Santa' had even left a small present for each of the grown-ups to open.

Nicks morning was spent building toys, fighting with a ridiculous amount of packaging and replacing batteries while Carey bonded with his two youngest nieces' over dollies and glitter and secret diaries. His mother and eldest sister had spent the day in the kitchen, cooking up a storm. The smells filling the house were glorious and each child had been presented with their own personalized gingerbread man.

The dining room had taken on a surprisingly magical feel when the family sat down to eat. Candles and fairy lights set the ambiance, a tablecloth of red and gold covered the huge table which was brimming with food and plates and wine glasses and crackers.

Far from the overwhelming rabble of the previous night's meal, Christmas dinner was a much more relaxed and civil affair. He realized just how blessed he was to be part of such a loving and supportive family as he squeezed Carey's hand under the table.

When the children had finally tired themselves out and gone to bed clutching their favorite toys and singing a multitude of Christmas songs over and over again the adults congregated in the bar. Nick's dad was playing barman passing out 'Christmas cheer' to everyone regardless of their arguments.

"One for you Poncho" he winked passing his son a beer "and for you Miss Carey, I'll guess you're a white wine spritzer?"

He had no doubt she probably shouldn't be drinking with the amount of medication she was on. She had had a sip of wine with dinner before switching to water with the help of Julie and her ability to down a glass of wine in less than 3 seconds but she gaily took the glass from his father's outstretched hand with a smile and shared a toast with the rest of the family.

During the course of the festivities she became less and less capable of smiling and joining in. by the time his sister set up the karaoke she was almost hanging off his arm with exhaustion so they made their excuses and trudged to the bedroom.

"I'm sorry Nicky, you should go back down. I'm just tired that's all"

But he recognized the shallow breaths and the sheen of sweat cast over her skin as she sunk back on the bed. He may have enjoyed spending the day with his family but this was where he belonged.

"We'll watch a movie, I'm kinda tired myself"

He settled into the bed and swung his arm around her, placing a kiss on her head as she cuddled into his chest. He didn't notice her shed a tear as she clung to him, a tear at the thought that this may very well be the most wonderful Christmas she had ever had and at the knowledge that it could also very well be her last.

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><p><strong>Much Love from Charli<br>**

**very thankful for you lot this year, may we all share many more stories in 2012 xxx **


	31. Chapter 31

**a/n: Ok Apologies! This took me FOREVER, I know. I have been fighting with it but I think I am FINALLY happy enough with it to post so here you have it, it is sad. I warn you now, much sadness awaits. ALSO big thanks to Otie1983 and the lovely Lori Monk (I am so sorry I can't remember your FF name! lol) for all your help, I should use 'help' vaguely when it comes to Otie really she basically spurred me to write so I didn't have to read the depressing tales she has been bullying me into reading ;o) ok I digress; read on let me know what you think, next chapter is the end. I get that elusive complete…. What's your predictions? ;o) oh and don't worry I have another Nicky story rattling around in my brain already so he won't be gone for long :D xxxx**

Nick found it hard leaving behind his family this time, although they were all going their separate ways all over the country he felt like right now he really needed their support. Carey was deteriorating rapidly and there seemed to be no predicting when she would be having a good day or a bad day. He felt totally helpless. They headed to the cab together to hugs and pats on the back, his mother had handed them the obligatory pile of leftovers complete with reheating and storage instructions that he had immediately forgotten.

Her tiny, almost skeletal hands grasped the stack of Tupperware as though it was shielding her from something. His first instinct was to reach out and take her hand, squeezing it gently as reassurance but she seemed lost in her thoughts. She was unreachable when she was like this, so closed off he didn't stand a chance of getting near her so he settled into his chair and watched the scenery of his hometown pass them by on the way to the airport.

He tried to subtly take all the luggage at the airport and leave her with only what was already in her arms but she shimmied her way around him with a smile and marched off with her case wheeling behind her before he even knew what was happening. With a smile and a shake of his head he paid the cab driver and ran to catch up with her. She had obviously come out of her cocoon and was back to her playful self.

"I was gonna carry that for you, you know" he grinned as he fell into step beside her.

"I know, that's why I took it before you could. I'm not an invalid yet Mr. Stokes" she slid her arm around his waist and kissed him softly on the lips with a soft smile. The familiar teasing in her eyes as she upped the pace and headed towards their gate with an exaggerated swing in her step. He marveled at how easily she could tease him, without even saying a word she had made sure she was in control. With a smirk he ran after her, pondering the definition of the term 'whipped'.

It didn't take long for life to become routine again. The New Year passed them by with a movie night at Greg's and the mundane everyday tasks took over. He would go to work and she would settle into bed with a book; she had gone through an impressive pile of Novels as her body started to recover from her chemo and her energy levels slowly increased. When he came home she would be waiting with 'dinner' albeit at 7am and sometimes a little more experimental than he was used to, it was dinner for them in their strange grave shift time zone.

She started putting her appointments on a calendar in the kitchen and he made a habit of keeping a note of them on his cell and calling her afterwards. If she wasn't going to drag him along he was at least going to fish for information at the appropriate times. She was due to start her next bout of Chemo soon. Nick made sure he was off shift that night in case she had another 'episode' as much as she would hate him to witness it she was beginning to realize he was there to support her and her pride was subsiding slightly.

She shifted nervously in her seat as they waited for the doctor to call them in. he had been in this office more times than he could count recently but for some reason he looked at it a different way today. He studied the faded peach walls, taking note of the flimsy cobwebs strung in the corners and the dust coating the framed prints of corn fields and flower vases. It did raise the question of whether it was the cleanest place to be treating cancer patients but then, Carey seemed to trust her portly, over-familiar doctor even if he did make Nick a little uncomfortable.

As though on cue he appeared in the doorway with a huge smile and a wave of his hand, ushering them through into his office and closing the door behind him. Carey assumed the position on the bed while he loitered in the corner; he had been to enough of these appointments to know the drill. Blood pressure, pulse and respirations were always taken first, Carey's had been steadily getting worse and he knew that wasn't a good sign.

Dr Devlin wheeled his chair over to her side when her observations were all done, he had a somber expression on his face as he took Carey's hands in his and Nick's stomach churned with nerves.

"Your treatment wasn't as successful as we hoped Petal; your tumor is still spreading"

His statement lingered in the air as both he and Nick watched Carey, waiting for her to break down. She held Dr Devlin's eye for a long few seconds; she held her breath and simply nodded. Just a nod, no floods of tears or buckling of the knee's, no over-exaggerated gasps or cries, just a nod. He wasn't sure if she was being dignified or if she was in shock and while he wanted to go to her and wrap her in his arms he seemed to be stuck in place. He could only watch from his position across the room as she discussed her options with the doctor. He wasn't even listening to what was being said, his brain was reeling from the bombshell he had just heard. He had believed with every cell in his body that she would be getting better. She even looked better, she had put on a little weight getting back those curves he had admired when he first met her, her energy levels had steadily improved and her skin became soft and pink again.

They stepped out of the surgery in silence; she hadn't made eye contact with him once since the doctor had spoken to her. Her gaze was focused on the ground as they faced the crisp bright sunshine of a Las Vegas morning. He recognized her avoidance all too well; he couldn't afford to have her closing down again.

"Carey…"

She shook her head and took off in the opposite direction. There was a part of him that wanted to let her go, to give her space to digest and process the whole thing before he spoke to her but his protective instinct flared and he marched after her and grasped her wrist, whirling her around to face him. _Then_ he saw the unshed tears and the heartbreak in her expression, _then_ he saw why she didn't want to look at him. Her control was dependent on the lack of eye contact, the second he looked into her eyes she broke down spectacularly.

"I…I can't talk about it" she uttered between gasps.

He folded her into his arms and stroked her hair while the sobs continued to overwhelm her. People walked past, sometimes with a sideways glace, sometimes with an out and out stare. He stood there with her head buried in his chest for a long time, when she finally regained her composure she pulled away from him and sat down on a nearby wall. She was trembling, staring at her hands in an attempt to still them but it was useless and it only made her tears fall harder through frustration.

"Ok, so we won't talk about it." He perched himself on the wall beside her and covered her hands with his. "I got the whole day, let's go do something."

And then he was off the wall and pulling her behind him headed for who knows where. Their journey took them to Freemont Street where a street festival was in full swing. Their senses where overwhelmed with sights and smells and the noise of music and chatter as they weaved their way in and out of the crowds. He finally slowed when they reached a clearing in the crowd and they paused to watch as a parade sauntered past. The floats adorned with flowers and all the glories of spring. People in outrageous costumes danced and pranced their way along the street to the music bellowing out.

Everywhere they looked were smiling faces and happy families, stalls lined the streets selling everything from obscure German beers to one of a kind hand crafted Jewelry. It was fascinating to wander through the jumble of stalls, magicians and street artists dotted around, clowns and dancers entertained the crowds and slowly the sorrow drained from her face.

They settled on a tiny bistro for lunch, the outside seating area meant they could still watch the festivities without being washed away in the ever increasing throng of people. The light show was just beginning to get started on the huge canopy over head when their food came and he was pleased to see the sparkle in her eyes and a smile tug at her lips as she watched.

"Ok, you ready to talk now?" he tried to keep it as casual as possible, she was clearly having some issues dealing with this latest setback and he didn't want to upset her again.

"There's nothing they can do Nick. I'm done"

"So what? You're just going to wait around to die?" he didn't mean to sound so angry, he was trying to keep it light and informal but the truth was he _was_ angry. She was so willing to give up on everything, so defeated and broken it infuriated him. He wanted her to declare her defiance and determination to live; he wanted her to want to live. If she didn't want to live then what hope did she have, if she didn't want to live did he have any place in willing her to do so?

"What choice do I have? It's going to happen Nick, time to accept that. I might have a week, I might have a year but the faster you come to terms with that the better. I'm sorry… I shouldn't have brought you into this. You don't deserve this" she was defiant enough to hold the tears back as she twirled her fork around in her food. A morsel was yet to pass her lips; in fact he couldn't remember the last time he had seen her eating anything substantial.

"No, you're not going to start all this again. This isn't about me, we'll deal with it. Whatever happens"

He emphasized the last note with a heavy look into her eyes to which she just nodded. He couldn't be sure she had taken it all in; she seemed to be dealing with it with unnatural strength. She had accepted her fate easily, a lot easier than he had.

When he had finished his meal and paid the bill they wandered the length of Freemont Street again, soaking in the atmosphere. A band was playing at the far end, soft lilting tones of a bygone age sounded out as the singer serenaded them with old school Vegas Heroes like Sinatra and Elvis.

She was hanging on his arm, her hand gently stroking the length of his forearm and her hair whisping around her face in the soft breeze. Suddenly he stopped to watch the people dance. Elderly couples, good friends and giggling teenagers twirled around to the music under the canopy of lights. Without thinking he was twirling her around in his arms, he held her close and moved to the sound of the music enjoying the ringing of her laugh and the joy in her expression. There was something completely magical about enjoying the innocence and beauty in the rhythm, the night disappeared, the crowds were gone, the bright lights and hustle and bustle of the festival vanished into blackness as she sunk into his arms and moved with him like it was always meant to be this way.

Of course it didn't take long for exhaustion to wash over her; she relied heavily on his grip around her body. The fluid movement of her body became stilted and forced.

"Let's go home, we can 'dance' in the bedroom" she whispered in his ear as the band finished playing and applause sounded from the gathered crowds. Nick nodded and steered her in and out of the people easily. Before long he was fumbling with the locks on his door, her hands sliding up his shirt from behind caressing the sensitive skin on his chest so lightly it drove him crazy immediately.

He gave up with the door, it wasn't cooperating and he couldn't concentrate with her teasing him like that. With one movement he had her pressed against the door with his lips hungrily tasting hers. She had a lot more luck with the door than he did and quickly twisted her body out of his grip and entered the apartment leaving him standing there gazing after her.

Pressing the door closed he took in the sight of her slipping her shoes off with one hand grasping a stool for support. The thought of losing her, of losing the simple pleasure of watching her just _**being**_was too much for him to comprehend. He wanted to tell her, wanted to express how he felt but the words didn't exist. Even if they did, they would falter on his lips.

Instead he moved to stand behind her, wrapped his arms around her and just held her there in the center of the room, swaying to silent music. Carey pressed her body into his, her head moving back to rest on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his. This was a moment he wanted to remember, something so pure and simple and something so many people took for granted. They seemed to stand that way forever, neither of them speaking but communicating a whole lot more than they had done earlier. It was a silent acceptance on Nick's part and surrender on Carey's.

When his lips found the crook of her neck and caressed it softly she shifted into him a little more, her hands tightened around his arms and her breathing trembled a little. He carefully slipped the strap of her top from her shoulder, covering the area with tiny kisses and working his way along her collar bone to the curve of her shoulder. He purposefully stroked his hands across her stomach as gently as he could, one hand pressing her hip against him and the other brushing along her arm with painstaking softness.

"Make love to me Nicky"

Her words were so quiet, a whisper, almost a sigh, he wasn't sure he heard her properly but within seconds she had turned in his arms and the look in her eye was unmistakable.

"We can't… you're… you're too sick"

But her hands were already snaking into his pants, his body was already reacting to her in ways he couldn't control and she was well aware of that. He could feel her heart thumping through her chest as it pressed against him, while he should think of it as comforting it reminded him more of a beating clock, ticking away the time they had together. Her breath tickled in his ear, the sensation working its way down his spine and all the way back up again as she nibbled on his earlobe playfully.

"One last time Nicky, make love to me like it's the last time…please"

It was as though something in him snapped that second, as though he suddenly realized it could be true and if they were never going to experience it again he was going to make sure the last time was a time to remember. He half carried, half pushed her to the bedroom their lips never parting. He savored the taste of the strawberry chocolates she had sampled on the way home, mixed in with the rich vibrant coffee flavors of her lips and her tongue as she teased and enticed him with slow caresses and playful flicks.

As she fell back onto the soft sheets on the bed he hovered over her like a hunter admiring his prey, only his eyes were brimming with sadness. They undressed each other in silence, their hands, eyes and bodies speaking louder than words ever could. He wasn't sure he had ever held her so close as her legs tangled around his body and his fingers tangled in her hair. The feeling of her bare, soft skin against his was something he knew he would never tire of; Her nails lightly pinching the skin on his shoulders as she adjusted her body to find the right rhythm, the sound of her breathing as it became ragged and excited turning into sighs and moans.

As their rhythm became increasingly hungry she buried her face in his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his back. Basking in the afterglow he realized she held onto him tighter than he thought possible and her trembling became less about passion and more about sorrow. The moment was gone, despair overwhelmed them both as she clung onto him with every ounce of energy she had left and her sighs became sobs. They echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls and shuddering into his ears with a power that overwhelmed him. He held onto her, held her close in the darkness as tears escaped from his own eyes.


	32. Chapter 32

**And here it is! I get that illustrious 'complete' can you see it? Oooooo its shiny! I think I need to get more of those! ;o) **

**First of all I want to warn you that this is sad… if you don't want sad then don't read on…. In saying that I am not adverse to negative constructive reviews so please feel free to let me know what you think. The episodes mentioned in this are; Field Mice, Meat Jekyll and House of Hoarders. **

**I want to quickly give thanks to everyone who has reviewed, I do appreciate every word. Mma63 you gave me my 100! I know there are a LOT more reading who don't review so I want to say thanks to you too, I'd love it if you would come out of the woodwork and give me one last review…. You know you want to!  
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><p>Nick was infinitely glad to get home from what had turned into a triple shift. He was exhausted; all he wanted to do was collapse into bed and sleep for the next 24 hours. Shift was always busy when one member of the team was off and he had been secretly glad to palm the crime cadets off on Hodges. By all accounts Hodges had actually done a great job. Not that he would ever tell him that of course.<p>

So instead of passing on his knowledge to the next generation he found himself in a quarantine situation surrounded by sick cops. It was not his idea of an easy shift and he was incredibly tired of decontamination procedures.

As a peace offering for being AWOL for the best part of 3 days he had stopped in at his favorite little bakery and picked up a selection of cream cakes. He had been half tempted to pick up a takeout but he had seen enough vomit to put him off eating for at least a week.

Carey was sitting on the sofa flicking through the channels on the TV when he arrived home. It was unexpected; her energy levels were so low right now it made getting to the bathroom a huge task for her. Even more unexpected was the fact that she was energetic, smiling and happy as she practically jumped over the back of the sofa to kiss him and steal a donut from the cake box he had in his hands.

"What's got you so perky? I thought you'd be in bed" he asked hanging his jacket up and dumping his bag behind the front door.

"The nurses came round with some new medication a couple of days ago. It is awesome; I've not been able to sleep since!"

It amused him to see her so restless and energized, especially when it had been so long since she had been that way. He flopped down on the sofa beside her with a smile. She shuffled over to cuddle into the crook of his arm, donut in her mouth and still flicking through the channels on the TV.

"Will you just pick something to watch already?"

"This is a big decision for me Nicky"

He was sure she was purposefully flicking through the channels now. It was infuriating. He reached out in an attempt to rescue the remote control from her itchy fingers but she slipped it away with a cheeky grin. He wasn't about to give up that easily, the remote control war soon ended up with her stretched out across the sofa one arm outstretched to keep it away from him and her knee firmly jammed in his ribs as he hovered over her. As retaliation he took a massive bite out of the donut grasped between her lips and while her guard was down grabbed the remote and assumed control.

"That's really unfair, using snacks against me. Now I have to eat around all your filthy saliva"

"You've had worse in your mouth Carey"

He laughed out loud as she feigned offense and slapped his arm before shoving the rest of the donut remnants into his mouth to stop his laughter. He washed it down with a sip of her Dr Pepper, flicking to TV onto a sports channel and hiding the remote so that she didn't protest.

He was naive in thinking that of course, in her attempts to redeem control of the TV she used the best weapon she had. She moved her knee across him so that she was straddling him, unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt and nibbled on his earlobe. When his defenses were down she slipped the remote from under his leg and threw herself into the armchair across the room, switching back to America's next top model with a wink.

"Now that is _really _mean! I don't think you should watch TV at all actually. I think you should come to bed and make it up to me…"

She flicked off the TV and made her way across the room, stopping to kiss him softly on the lips and pull his hand, guiding him into the bedroom.

"Don't think I'm putting anything in my mouth though…."

Xxxxxxx

It took him a while to realize the noises he could hear weren't from his dream. He was having one of those dreams that just replayed everything he had seen that day and while he was certain he wasn't stuck in a quarantine suit again he was also certain that the sound of vomiting was coming from real life and not dream land. He really had to focus to tear himself from his dreams; the downside of working so hard was that his body really needed its time of rest. The bed beside him was empty; a mess of sheets was all that greeted him as he hauled himself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom.

Carey was hunched over the toilet being violently sick. He could see her stomach muscles clenching so tight her ribs protruded like barbed wire. A sheen of sweat covered her impossibly pale skin, making her hair cling to her face or hang limply past her shoulders. She could barely lift her head to look at him as another wave washed over her, her hands clinging to the sides for support. He had a strong sense of déjà vu; 24 hours ago he had been around police officers acting much the same way.

Guilt suddenly hit him as he tossed the theory around in his head. If he had come home with the bacteria on him he would almost certainly have passed it to her. Even the tiniest bacteria would attack her system ferociously. He thought about the kisses, the shared donuts, the close contact, the sex, there had been every opportunity possible for her to contract something from him.

During a lull in her retching he helped her into the bed and carefully slipped a nightdress over her, with a bucket by her side and a cold cloth dabbed on her skin she began to drift off to sleep but Nick was calling for an ambulance. She wasn't just bringing up food or bile; there was blood in the basin, blood in the bucket. This was not a good sign.

The paramedics took one look at Carey and admitted her to the emergency room. She was already severely dehydrated, her veins had collapsed. Nick remembered how pleased she had been to get rid of the port in her arm and now when it would have been most beneficial they were fighting to get an IV line into her tired blood vessels. When they finally succeeded it was in an uncomfortable looking position on the top of her wrist.

He felt completely useless pacing outside the treatment room. He would gaze in the window and see them pumping fluids into her and strapping wires to her chest and feel completely overwhelmed. Then he would start pacing again trying to stave off the powerful wave of emotions gripping him.

Mentally he had prepared himself for losing her in the future. Far away in the future when she had slowly been deteriorating over a period of time. He told himself he would have the time to say all the things he wanted to say to her, he would have the time to say his goodbyes but the truth was this could be the final hurdle she had to cross. With a body as run down and tired as hers she would likely suffer a great deal on the hands of a gastric bacteria. He had brought this to her, he was the cause of all this. If she didn't pull through he would blame himself for the rest of his life.

He had stopped pacing and thrown himself into one of the terribly uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting room when the physicians were done with her. He recognized Dr Devlin rushing in with real concern crossing his face. He realized he had maybe been a little harsh on the man, it wasn't his fault Carey was sick and he really had tried everything he could.

He waved Nick over and they stood side by side looking into the treatment room. Eventually DR Devlin took a deep breath and turned to Nick.

"She had a seizure Mr. Stokes. They don't know if she will wake up. We're having her transferred to Northwest. They have rest rooms there, she'll be comfortable…"

He didn't have to say anything else, Nick knew that the 'rest rooms' were basically the place cancer patients went to die. He had seen it before, many times but it was never something he had been directly involved in.

Her room was comfortable. The walls painted a pale green, a huge window opened out into a beautiful garden complete with pink flowers dancing in the breeze. The room had everything they would need, a sofa pushed against one wall. A television hooked onto the wall across from the bed and paintings dotted around to add color to the otherwise plain room.

She was already there when he arrived with some of her things. It was almost painful to see her like that. She was breathing on her own; beating on her own, even her eyelashes flickered as though she was dreaming. The physician had told him that the Shigella had basically ransacked her body, it had flushed out fairly quickly with little to attack but it had left behind its own problems. Fluid was collecting in her lungs causing her to take gasping breaths occasionally. The seizure she suffered in the emergency room had caused the coma. They said it could simply be the body's defense mechanism, shutting down until she was fit enough to fight another day but they were very clear that they didn't believe she would be fit enough to see another day. A sonogram of her abdomen had quickly confirmed their worst thoughts; the mass was clinging to her lungs, her spleen, her lymph nodes, and her womb. There was barely any room for anything else.

He laid out the nightwear he had brought from home. It smelled of her, not like the sterility of hospitals, it had that soft delicious scent he loved to wake up beside every morning. He felt uncomfortable here, it was unfamiliar and unwelcoming and he was sure she would hate it. He arranged some more of her things on the bedside cabinet and sat down in the chair by the bed.

He stared at her there, unmoving, unresponsive, for hours. It wasn't like she was there at all. A small blonde nurse came in and hooked her hand up to a machine that traced her heartbeat and he watched it for the longest time, at the very least it was a reminder that she was still there, that she hadn't left him yet. He was still reeling from the suggestion; she had been so well, so happy, and so energetic the day before.

Hours turned into days, the days dragged into a week. The longer it went on the more capable he felt of letting go. She was yet to make a sound, yet to open her eyes; it was almost as if she was waiting too. Waiting for him to tell her it was ok perhaps, he didn't feel comfortable talking to her. The medics and nurses spoke as though she was fully conscious and able to respond but he was intimidated, scared even of her silence. If he spoke to her and she didn't respond he was sure it would just remind him that she wasn't _really_ there in that bed. He had almost convinced himself that she had already gone to the bright light and the angel song.

He visited every day without fail. He would be there at shift change in the morning and there at shift change at night. His life became one long waiting game. He would go to work and smile and laugh and pretend like everything was fine, and then he would eat, shower and traipse off to the hospital.

The unfamiliarity of the room soon wore off. It was beginning to grow on him, it kind of reminded him of the hotel in Hawaii when they had first met. He would bring snacks and lay back in the chair with his feet on the edge of her bed to watch TV.

On day 10 her room was filled with doctors. The noise radiating into the corridor was frightening, they chattered and fussed and when he entered the room he was greeted by something he thought he would never see again. There she was propped up on the pillow's, the IV still dripping into her arm, the tube still pumping air into her nose but her eyes were open and she spoke to the doctors in a hushed gasping voice.

He was surprised his heart didn't explode right there and then. Tears stung at his eyes as the team filtered out and left them alone. Her eyes were heavy; he could see she was desperately tired but the only thing that kept running through his head was that she was alive. She was alive and conscious and they had been given a second chance.

"Hey you" she whispered, he really had to strain to hear her so he pulled his chair closer to the bed, as close as it would go. He kissed her hand, a gesture he had gotten used to doing every day by way of a greeting. It hadn't seemed right somehow to kiss her lips while she was asleep.

"The docs are saying you're a miracle"

"Well I could have told you that" she wheezed. Even in her fragile health she was still being sarcastic.

"You scared me for a while there. I thought I was losing you"

Saying the words out loud seemed to make them real. They hovered in the air taking on a whole new level of significance. Nick was an intelligent man, he was well aware that having her conscious did not necessarily mean she was getting better. It could simply be god granting his wish for more time.

"Will you take me back to Hawaii Nick? When I get out of here?"

He wasn't sure if she was hallucinating or hoping she would get out but right now he would have said anything to make her happy.

"Of course I will"

"I want to sit on that bench again, do you remember? The one where you could almost touch the sunset?"

He couldn't stop the tears coming as he remembered that night. Something as simple as a sunset stroll on the beach had grown to be one of the most romantic moments of his life. She had been so vivacious, so free and utterly astounding. He had known from the first second he was going to fall for her.

"I remember" he whispered wiping his eyes with the back of his free hand as she clutched the other one.

Her breaths were becoming increasingly difficult and her eyes were struggling to stay open. With her last tiny bit of energy she pulled his hand towards her. The lights were dimmed to signal it was time for visiting to be over but she wouldn't let him go. He stood and kissed her on the cheek gently. Her skin was cold, it frightened him and she had tears in her eyes that matched his own.

She knew.

She knew that they wouldn't be going back to Hawaii; she knew she'd never see that sunset again, she knew that he'd never hold her in his arms again. He kissed her with all the emotion he had left, his tears mingling with her own in the darkness of the room. The nurse came into the room with a sad smile at seeing them locked in their embrace.

"Stay with me Nicky, please. Just lay down beside me, just for tonight"

He knew it was probably against the rules, he was supposed to be working that night. But all he wanted to do was lie beside her and hold her. One look at the nurse was all it took. She nodded and backed out of the room, pulling the blind down on the door and firmly closed it behind her.

"I love you, Mr. Stokes" she played with his name, the way she spoke it so long ago when it drew tingles along his spine and made the hairs on his neck stand to attention.

He settled onto the bed beside her, wrapped her arms around her and wept himself to sleep as she burrowed into his chest. He had held her this way so many times, too many times to count but as sleep claimed them both they knew it was likely to be the last time.

Whether the nurse knew it was coming or not is open to interpretation but Carey didn't wake up the next morning. Nick uncurled his arms from around her with a sadness he had no idea he was capable of. He knew she was gone before they told him. Her soul had left the room, safe in the knowledge that he was there with her, that he had held her right up until her last moments on this earth.

The nurse simply nodded in acknowledgement and slipped the ring off her finger, handing it to him with a simple 'I'm sorry'

Sorry. The word didn't seem to do very much. It fell flat. There were no words to explain how it felt to lose the one you loved. There were no words to describe how broken his heart was as he stepped out of that hospital clutching her ring. He was empty, hollow and broken.

In the sunshine he moved the ring around in his palm. It glinted in the bright light, his promise ring. He had kept his promise.

The arrangements had been made ahead of time for her funeral; she had been well prepared as much as he had hated the suggestion of her arranging everything in advance he was glad that she had. The few days following her death he had spent in a blur. Nothing seemed to take him out of his daze. He had even gone to work until Sara had found out and frog marched him home.

"do you think you only get one chance. One soul mate?" he asked her as he defiantly fought the tears. She parked outside his apartment and squeezed his hand with a sad smile. She didn't answer, he assumed that meant she did.

She had been there to hold his hand throughout the service. He was surprised to see James there, keeping a dignified distance with a sad nod in his direction. It was respectful to her and he appreciated that. Carey's casket of ashes were passed to him a few days later and in truth he had no idea what to do with them.

They seemed to stare at him when he was at home. They made him uncomfortable at first, sitting there reminding him. Everything reminded him. He couldn't bear to part with her clothes, they still lined his drawers and filled his bedroom with her scent every time he opened them. Her jewelry and toiletries still dotted around his home as though they were waiting for her to come home. His year had come to a horrible end.

When he was shot he came home to an empty house, a constant reminder of what should be waiting for him. He wasn't even sure he felt it, he'd stopped feeling anything. He turned to beer bottles to be his friends, the bottom of each bottle didn't bring him any closure and when he had drunk enough he would hit a bar and pick up some non-descript woman and bring her home. It was never her, no matter how hard he closed his eyes or called her name she was never the one in his bed.

Sara was beginning to notice the anger and resentment. They were even falling out over ridiculous things at work. It was one of those fall outs that reminded him of what was important. They had been battling all day over a case where a woman had collected so much _stuff_ she failed to notice the body of her own daughter. It wasn't until that day Nick realized he still held a lot of guilt over Carey's death; he was always looking for the person responsible and rooting around in his drawer he found something, something so simple but something incredibly significant.

A blue marble. A tiny blue marble given to him by Grissom many years ago. His sentiment at the time had seemed a little silly, now it took on a whole new meaning.

'Roll with it'

Sometimes there wasn't anyone to blame. Sometimes these things just happen.

He trudged home that night with the marble in his pocket and headed to his bedroom. On the chest of drawers sat her ring, glinting in the artificial lights. He placed the marble inside the ring with a sigh and picked up the phone. He had made her another promise he was yet to fulfill.

It almost broke him all over again touching down on that familiar sandy place. This island, this hotel, it was their place. It was where it all began and it would be where it all ended. Almost two years to the day he sipped a cocktail in 'their' clamshell sofa and waited for the sun to dip over the horizon, he tucked her casket under his arm and took the short stroll across the sands to the beach.

There it was sitting there as if time had not passed. The tiny bench where they had sat realizing just how much they needed each other, the bench where you could touch the sunset as she said. It was a beautiful spot and it was time to let go. He scattered her ashes onto the golden sand and watched as the wind swirled them away. She was gone.

He sat on the bench until the sun was gone too, it had been the right thing to do and it was what she would have wanted. She was back to where they fell in love.

* * *

><p><strong>*sigh* well did I do it justice? Let me know!<br>Calicsifan07, RosePetal7, Csijenniferlynn, mma63, stlouiegal, otie1983, Monkey , Peggiegg, NickyStokes – YOU ARE ALL AWESOME!**

**Patricia and Lori – who review me on facebook lol – thank you both xxx**

**Otie1983…. Couldn't have done it without you my dear. WOULDN'T have done it without you either lol xxx**

**Miss writing my Nicky already!  
>Charli xxx<strong>


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